Checking in… Three months sober today everything is not so good 
just living around people that drink that are neighbor’s and today has been depressing. Trying so hard all I can do hope day 91 is better.
Take care everyone hope everyone is doing well.
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Celebrating day 238
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You’re doing great Kevin, your numbers are just going through the roof 
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Congrats on 3 months sober. Sorry youre not feeling it today. Can you take a long hot shower and go to bed early? Tomorrow is a new day.
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Thank you, Pinky.
I’m five days shy of eight months. Normally I have horrible urges to act out 4-7 days before a milestone. I’ve been on the lookout, and so far, no craving. My brain’s toxicity level has stayed at 4 all week. Craving is really bad for me. It raises my toxicity level, and leads to more craving; which is a more glorified way of saying that I’m guilty of the building block behavior of fantasy. I’m feeling more comfortable walking on my sober legs.
With God’s help…
I will win
I will be victorious.
I will conquer.
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Yes, you will, you are! I’m so proud of you, you’re working so hard on your recovery and it’s paying off for you.
I’m grateful to share your journey
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Right there with you girly. Wish I had been there we could have ran away together! 
I agree with everything @JazzyS said! You did not fail. You followed your instincts and that’s okay.
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I hope you have a great sober weekend! I hope your depression & cravings clear up soon! Glad to hear you’re doing your walks and meditating. 
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Checking in! Beginning day 13. Hard day. So anyone else feel that the drugs/alcohol made the ick go away and now you are facing all those things you haven’t faced for whatever amount of time? Like I dealt with my intrusive thoughts with weed and now they’re still there. Or situations that I just didnt deal with and got stoned instead, still here. I’m sitting in the feels but this is around the time I usually give in. Hoping this time I can just let go of what I can’t control and be happy I’m sober.
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Evening Check In
Day 474
Today was a good day! Managed to get my sons appt done. It was loooong. Took him to the accessible park afterwards which was alot of fun! I took him down his very first slide today. Sat on the swing next to him and taught him how to use his legs to propell himself. Took him on the teeter totter. We enjoyed ourselves. To me this is a gift of recovery 
Came home to do some basic cleaning around the apartment. Had supper. And soon will be putting my boy to bed. I work this weekend so have to get ready for that. All n all today was good. Hope everyone is having a good day/evening!
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Checking in day 115 sober. Tough week and I am so glad it is Friday. I am 30 days out from the job closing it’s doors.
Next week I am traveling to Mexico City for my job……… I’m sort looking forward to it because it gives me a chance to speak Spanish totally for one week. I love that Latin culture and any chance I have to submerse
Myself in it. But I am losing this job so it’s like what’s the point……
Looking forward to this weekend.
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So exciting! Hope the closing went well!
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Checking in on day 721 which I was informed is national donut day and I learned what a ‘cronut’ is. It is part donut, part croissant. What a time to be alive.
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Yeah I feel the same way. I also work with a lot of injured veterans suffering with PTSD so I have found the read very eye opening.
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It gets easier just need to find some other ways to help you cope with the ikky feelings now. I used to drink/smoke and it never really made things better. Nice walks in nature, gym, art, reading, nice food, friends, video games, patting your pets, so many other good options to help cope when the feelings are getting overwhelming, healthy coping mechanisms. I’m over a year sober and I struggle with bad days often, being sober is half the battle. Learning to cope in healthy ways is the other half for sure x well done on two weeks
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Hi all. Just checking in. I have so much to say but I’m in this really dark mood and I just don’t have the energy. I’ll write more later when I get myself together.
Edit: A friend of mine has been staying with me. He got kicked out of the homeless shelter. It was supposed to be two days, but it’s been a week. It is so hard staying sober with him here. His DOC is meth, and I’ve done some with him. I’m sober now, but coming down from 2 drugs is really messing with my head. I feel like I’m going to scream or cry.
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I’m so sorry – Do you need to increase the strength of the patches? Please be kind to yourself - you have been through a lot of emotional depression lately. So glad that you are meditating and taking your walks – hopefully soon you won’t have to make an effort to do this. Wishing you the best 
@catmama23 If it wouldn’t be a trigger of anxiety for you then I would call her and explain nicely that you are moving on from her sponsorship. Also - I know it’s easy to feel jealousy towards people when I was not content with my situation and thought I needed / deserved more. Life has a funny way to change that. For me the more I meditate and find peace the more I realize that I am just happy with where I am and I don’t need all the things that I was jealous of. I have enough! This did not happen overnight and isn’t an easy task but I know it’s possible.
@ericont Hey Eric – congrats on 3 months of sobriety – I’m sorry that you are struggling. Are you able to talk to someone about your depression? Are you hanging out with these neighbors? Are you able to ignore them or do they do this outdoors and loudly? Sending you strength for day 91 and beyond 
@ladybuggy Yeah to day 13 — about to be 2 weeks! 
Yes – the feelings – all the feelings that we have spent so long burying with our DOC come out. It can be scary at first but you will be to start dealing with these being totally sober and in control of your faculties. It will get easier. Are you able to talk with anyone about your feelings? Do have a support system that you can turn to irl to help you deal with these feelings/ thoughts? Are you doing anything (activity / hobby wise) to help with your urges and obtrusive thoughts?
@cueball8n9 hey enjoy the work trip – try not to focus on the place closing – instead enjoy your last hooray speaking a language you love and have fun in the Latin culture.
@dryln785 Ah man so good to hear from you and so very sorry that you are dealing with a dark mood. Sending you comfort and love my friend. We are here to listen when you are ready to talk!
It’s late on Friday night - the Pride Festival went well - we seriously had a flippin line from the beginning till we ran out of food (luckily it was by 9 so we didn’t have to stick around till 10 pm. It was non stop and the heat was intense and the smell of weed of super strong (good lord - i might’ve gotten some second hand smoke tonight). I was bummed because we were too far from the stage but that actually made leaving early possible. It was great running into some old friends and customers. I was in a lot of pain for most of it and near the end my brother did all the break down as I thought i was going to pass out from it but hey i held my own. Feeling a bit better now - I do hope that I get some sleep tonight.
Sweet dreams or a very good morning to my sober friends - sending much love 
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@JazzyS I’m happy to hear the festival went well! Sorry that you were in pain all day! I wish you weren’t dealing with it at all! Hopefully it will go away soon so you can feel well.
@Butterflymoonwoman going to the park and swinging together and going down the slide this sounds like an absolute perfect time for you and your son! Especially after a long appointment. I’m also happy to hear you are feeling better today I hope you have a beautiful weekend!
@CATMANCAM just here to say, I am with you battling a heavy depression. I am trying to “be ok” and just move on with life as life requires of me. But that depression gets heavy sometimes. Especially when you’re not feeling well. Pain and fatigue really just should FRO.
@KevinesKay I’m only two days behind you. Ive followed your progress these past months and I want to say I’m proud of how much effort you’re putting into recovery
@anon74766472 I think leaving a big crowd when you’re feeling overwhelmed is a brave thing to do! Instead of staying, it’s better to prioritize your own comfort/mental health. Sending to you.
@RosaCanDo hope all the signing is done and you’re finally taking a deep breath
@Misokatsu look how far youve come! Inspiring! Truly!
@Twizzlers I’m sure the garden is beautiful and i hope you spend time relaxing there enjoying it
Day 236 substance free
Today was too hot. Too long. Too much.
I was/am dealing with stupid nerve pain. And the patches weren’t helping today, plus making me too hot, and wouldn’t stay in place because i had to work. I wasn’t able to eat today because my face was bothering me. I did have about half a fruit/yogurt smoothie. I thought about just getting a little of my doc to help the pain… This i am ashamed of. Because i know i cant have a little. I know i cant have any. I know I can’t start again… because i don’t think id be able to stop again.
Then i thought maybe sh could distract me from the pain. But seriously wtf? And then i was angry with myself for thinking this too. How does SHing help take the pain away? It’s like breaking your arm because you’ve been shot. Does it help? No of course not!
Ugh.
If this round of my body hating me is like all the other times…this will pass in a few more days. I can get through! I have to. I can’t go back. I just can’t. 
On a positive note. My daughter had a great time at the birthday party. And I even got a call from the birthday girl thanking me for the gift that did actually make me feel pretty good. I’m glad my daughter has made a friend
Happy pride month everyone 
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I think we as PTSD sufferers all have some common traits with some variations. Makes it hard for people and clinicians to understand. But I’m glad you make the effort.
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Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Pic is from my bike ride to therapy yesterday
The imagery rescripting session my therapist and me did yesterday was a trip. Together we conjured up a traumatic incident that happened between my mum and me and the therapist managed to intervene and she got the 8 year old me out of that situation and we were walking in the warmth and sunshine, out of that place that felt so lonely and cold. And it was all in my head but it was unbelievably f*cking real at the same time. First time in my life I let anyone in my head and in my life like that. Incredibly intimate. That in itself was an incredible experience for someone like me, someone who never dared to allow anybody access to his inner world.
In this case it was good the group therapy session came a couple of hours later, as it sort of naturally flowed from individual to group therapy. And that was a good one too and I came away from it all feeling very tired but not totally wasted. And truly moved in a good way.
Slept a lot better this night. Going to take it easy today, catch some sunshine, take a slow easy bike ride, get some good food. Enjoy the day. Just for me, just today. Because I earn it. Like we all do friends. We’re in this together. Could never do it alone
@Sunshine-girl Congrats on 5 days Julia. It’s really good to see you. I didn’t recognise you before and I’ve been thinking about you. One day at a time for all of us. Together x.
@Catmama23 It’s just no use comparing ourselves to others. The grass is always greener etc. Focus on you and how to become the best you. You sure are good enough and you can only become better X
@Ladybuggy Congrats on 13 days lady! You’re sober now. Now you can actually work on these thoughts and feelings instead of hiding from them. While drinking they never really went away, we just stored them somewhere, piling up more and more each drinking day. Now we got the opportunity to make sense of 'm, understand why they are there, and learn how to cope and diminish them in a healthy way. I found out that that’s what actually living my life is all about. Hugs.
@EricOnt Congrats on 90 days Eric. Just keep going. You do this for you. It get’s easier (but it never get’s easy because life ain’t easy)
@CueBall8n9 Enjoy Mexico friend. I’d say being fluent in Spanish is a nice asset to have and something many employers are looking for.
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