As per usual I’ll walk the dog, this morning and this afternoon, I’ll do my physio for my back and I’ll do some other exercise too - running or aerobics.
Because I’ve got maybe 4 health appointments over the next 2 weeks I’ve had that feeling of being overwhelmed kick in. I get tense, do a lot of constant checking, decide I really need to do unimportant things, get hung up on detail. It’s exhausting. Lots of things in my calendar aren’t stressful but lots (as I perceive it) just make me stressed. Holiday to Scotland coming up, moving house, the chimney sweep coming, heating engineer too…none of it is that stressful but it all feels collectively like too much clutter in my mind. Too much going on.
I’m going to try to be calm today. It’s not always easy. Sober PTSD sufferer trying to be self aware and live in the present.
I’m writing this from my sea view balcony. And I actually get to stay on this beautiful island for the next few weeks. Sobriety is seriously enhancing the experience because I have the energy to fully enjoy things. I did a lovely meditation on my balcony, then I’m gonna walk the pup on the seafront and then… well… then, I get to work all day.
Work-wise, May was a bit of a drought month, but June has picked up. It also seems I’m out of the dog house with my editors, so that’s good.
Things are great in my little world. And I wouldn’t be saying that right now if I was still drinking.
Checking in on day 27. I just earned an anniversary badge for this forum. In fact I’ve been a member for four years, although not a very active one. I seem to be active around the same time every year. Are my blips annual? Anyway, I’m feeling really good this time and positive about the future. I’m off on a pre-parkrun run followed by parkrun. Have a great day all
#Day 1718
Got a strange encounter yesterday evening. On my way to goldsmith class I biked behind a big male person. He biked very slowly and so I passed him. Nothing special…
But when I biked in front of him he began to shout and curse me. I didn’t understand it because my hearing is bad at the moment. So I biked slower to ask what’s the problem was.
He came shouting and suddenly pushed me hard! I could stay on my bike but went off the bikepath. It could have been much worse because I biked on a bridge and one meter more right and I had fallen a few meters down.
The man biked trough, still shouting out loud.
The only thing I understood was “I will do the same to you!”
My guess he is mentally not ok and he shocked because he was in his thoughts when I passed by. I dunno, can’t find anything else. Didn’t do anything wrong. It scared me though and made me angry as well.
But I’ll keep thinking: if he is mentally out of balance by someone who pass by bike his life can’t be as good as mine is
So: here’s another day!
Today? Enjoying my day off with a high tea in a place I love dearly! I wonder what the big shouting man is going to do today!
Can’t be as good as my day.
And again Claudia: let go of your anger!
I will!
Picture of yesterday evening goldsmith class, melting the silver. It didn’t work out well to get all silver fast enough in my mold, so 2th try next week
Have a nice weekend all!
Morning,
Checking in on day 440.
Feeling good today, been awake for hours already but managed to get a couple of jobs done online that have been waiting.
Am house/dog sitting again this week, looking forward to the peace and quiet.
Going to take a few books and my knitting.
Have a great day everyone
My boyfriend is all day out, because he has contest. While he was leaving house he was worried for me due to my mental health and what happened at Monday, but I told him I will be fine. I believe I will be fine. And even if I will feel bad, I know how to win my demons!
While my work stuff is done, I plan to clean house today, especially bedroom, where is again a lot messy. So today is cleaning time.
Also I plan to go outside for a bit, I wasn’t outside for long time due to me who was sick from allergy cold. I will take with myself watercolours, I want to paint something while I will be outside.
Checking in 430 days
Today has been a really beautiful cold and sunny winter day. We have some rain settling in over the next week so I made sure to try soak up some sun on a chilly morning walk. Had a nice lunch with the fam and even snuck in a nice afternoon snooze. It’s been over a week on my new medication, and the daily tears and dread have stopped. And my overwhelming cravings seem to be passing. It’s such a relief guys. It’s been so hard.
Big love to you all this weekend
I went to bed sad yesterday and woke up sad again this morning I feel isolated and alone, I don’t know why or what the reason is.
I didn’t feel like checking in but I know exactly then: go, check in. Talking about it helps.
I feel like staying in bed all day and eat junk food. But that will f*ck up my belly again Meh.
I’ll maybe go get something nice for me. Maybe a Bodylotion (not that I already have plenty of them lol), a nice lipstick or something else.
Or I stay at home all day. Don’t know yet.
First I have to get out of my bed.
Then the next step, and the next.
I won’t drink because I know how miserable this would make me feel. It wouldn’t “cure” anything.
I am really glad that you checked in, even when you didn’t feel like it. I feel like those are the most important times to check in! That addict side of our brain can get so loud when making us feel isolated but we aren’t, and talking about it is such an amazing thing to do! I am proud of you.
I love that you’re in touch with the kind of energy you have for the day. Treating yourself with love and patience is amazing, but can be so hard sometimes.
I hope you’re able to meet yourself where you’re at today and that you have a nice day. Moment by moment
They are! I tell this others too, if you feel isolated, alone or sad and don’t feel like talking: come here and talk about it.
I’ll give myself lots of kindness today And some good food, no binging on junk food because this is just another form of my addiction trying to fill this hole inside me.
I’ll get me a nice treat tho, but not too much because the last weeks I was consistent with my diet and my belly size went down to 91 cm again (from 95 cm). @nastya_is_fighting thank you so much
I went out there getting some good food, did the laundry, ate a decent meal and now I’m relaxing.
Feeling a bit better. Got myself some oat chocolate cookies and had one immediately after dinner
I didn’t buy anything unhealthy besides those cookies although I wanted to.
The feeling after eating chips, sweets and more chips isn’t worth it. I get bloated and a tummy ache. Nope. Oh and it makes my psoriasis worse.
Next up: coffee and another cookie
Good morning everyone day 10. Feeling pretty focused and pleasant. Had a awesome facetime with my girls for a little over a hour last night, it was very sweet and fun they fed me dinner and desert through the phone…it was delicious. Got one of the guys to bring me to the gym the last couple of days which really made me realize how much is helps my mood. I’ve got dinner cook for my Chore and I’ve been killing the dishes, it’s funny when I first got I was so afraid to cook bc I didn’t think I could cook. Everytime I cook the guys all say it’s the best food they have had. Definitely trying to get a bit of a better diet on point just to feel a little healthier in general not even for working out. When you eat your greens you really notice the difference in your body. Sometimes this week coming up I’ll do my placement test for college. Much love everyone
I will take with myself watercolours, I want to paint something while I will be outside. 
I feel isolated and alone, I don’t know why or what the reason is.
Meh.
And some good food, no binging on junk food because this is just another form of my addiction trying to fill this hole inside me.
