Had an emotional meeting yesterday. Reading step 6, was really hitting me. Basically like all literature I read there was a lot of recognition. Although I’m not there yet. I’m at step 4. Slept out again way to long, feeling less depressed like weeks ago but still find it hard to get into action.
Yesterday I had contact with HR, I mentioned I want to focus on doing something else in the future. So that’s out in the open. It scares the shit out of me but it is the only way. Really wanna do something people oriented instead of sitting behind my computer working in data & analytics. So my re-integration will focus on that. Also discussed whether it is possible that I start doing some voluntary work to get started again with doing something.
Ahhh girl… I know this feeling!
If you find a way out, maybe you can “show up” a little. Like wearing a special shirt or the lipstick… And sit a while in the sun.
Don’t hide yourself!
I would like to sit with you, having
a nice TS sit-in!
Big hug
Edit:
Saw your following post right now!
So…
Nice greetings from the extra long Siesta nap session I just started
Haha, have fun at the extra long Siesta nap session Julia!
I might join in, I’m tired again…must be my hashimotos or the fact that I didn’t sleep enough the last days.
I was out “only” for shopping groceries but I chose really nice clothes, made my hair extra pretty and put lipstick on
Felt really good
@Mno and @JazzyS thank you for the encouragement and you’re spot on about not falling into the comparison trap! And @JazzyS glad to hear the festival went well, I’m in awe of what you do, you really followed your dream which takes so much hard work and courage.
@nastya_is_fighting i loved your share today and glad you’re taking time for some self care I am thinking of trying some painting too, not because I’m any good but just to do something tactile/sensory and where I can turn a part of my brain off
@anon53116147 you are so right about healthy eating - for me, my mood often improves so much if I make sure I’m eating enough protein!
Woke up today with a 10/10 on the depression scale. I found out the psychiatrist is not actually in network with my insurance even though the website said she was and it will cost close to $1000 for me to do the initial appointment and the 4 follow ups. Idk if this is how it is for all psychiatrists in the US, but I just hate our health insurance so much. I mean so many people can’t get access to good mental healthcare because it’s just too cost prohibitive and that’s not right. I mean I could go to a nurse practitioner and get on meds real quick, but I feel like I owe it to myself to get a proper assessment. I’ll do some more research but I think I’m just gonna have to suck it up.
I’m going to a meeting now even though I really don’t want to. And I’m dreading having to talk to my sponsor and tell her it’s not working out. Basically I just want to curl up on the couch and watch trash tv and leave my phone in my bedroom and not do anything or talk to anyone. Ugh I hate when I can’t pull myself out of this negativity. I did a 20 minute meditation on gratitude this morning but sometimes it just doesn’t take.
Awww im sorry to hear you are feeling a bit down, i understand completely, but always remember its a bad day and you’ll smile again glad you checked in and have a peaceful rest of the day
Morning Check In Day 475
Good morning everyone! Today has been quite emotional. I was heading to work and just felt so broken and upset. The only thing i could think of doing to help was to connect to my HP. So i spent time while heading to work to pray. I have alot on my mind… alot of fears and worries. So i tried to give that over and instead focus on having the courage to trust my HP and finding the faith in knowing that everything will work if i take action.
Yesterday an item that i ordered online got returned to sender. It was a gift for fathers day and i was quite upset. Im hoping this issue can be resolved quickly and that i dont end up getting ripped off. I think thats what set my mood off to be honest. I had trouble sleeping bcuz of it and was exhausted waking up. But in all reality, this is a small issue. When thinking back to what my problems used to be like, this package issue seems so small in comparison.
Ive been thinking alot about my son and how his future will look like. Im scared to be honest. I want only the best for him and im trying to give him the tools he needs to do well with his medical complexities. Just trying to stay grounded in today. Theres no point about worrying over the future bcuz i have no control over that. I can only do the best i can for today.
Financially also things are abit tight. Our rent was also raised by $150 a mth so im not super happy about that. Im feeling financially overwhelmed. Again just trying to plan a good budget and stick to it (thats the key).
I feel like theres just too much happening right now and my mind is just racing. I think I need to do a meditation at some point today and try and slow things down a bit. Do some deep breathing. Some mindfullness. Something… bcuz all this is not making me feel too well.
Anyway, im rambling now. But just writing this helped me to figure out what i do have control over and what i can do to help my situation
Thanks love- I do hope it goes away soon also but in all reality it is so much better than it was a year or so ago and I am so grateful for that. I know that if I keep working on myself that my body will heal too. I’ve been reading a lot on how some people have overcome illnesses and such with strengthening their minds. I am not sure if this is actually possible but do believe that the mind is a powerful muscle. In any case having a strong positive mind can’t hurt so that is my motivation atm
I’m so sorry that you are dealing with your own pain and even worse that the patches weren’t helping you out. Glad you did get something in your body - hopefully you’ll be able to eat something today.
Do not feel ashamed my friend – Our DOC is forever lurking and unfortunately will do whatever it takes to make you believe that you were able to numb the pain or feel better with just a little bit - knowing full well that it’s never a little bit. I do love your analogy and so very proud of you. Just wish you could get some relief!!
@soberwalker That is a crazy story and yeah, I would’ve been angry and a bit freaked out by the situation. SO impressed that you mind was able to go into what the guy must have been going through (mental illness possibly). Hope the rest of your day is peaceful and enjoyable. @pinkyp very cool on the dog sitting – that will really help you with you walks and getting in your steps for your months challenge! @nastya_is_fighting Yes – you will win the demons! Remember to check in here if you do feel overwhelmed by something or start to feel low!!! Have fun outdoors @Alycia so happy to hear that you are doing well and adjusting to the new medications!!! @Sabrina80 I’m so sorry that you are feeling sad and alone. I am so proud of you for fighting the urge to check in (as you already know but sometimes it’s easier to say to others than do ourselves)…so good to stay connected here. I do hope you were able to get out and get something for yourself (never enough body lotions if that’s what you like — I personally love soap (LOL) and have a small collection myself which I hope to start using again soon) So go out and have a marvelous day – we are here if you need to chat. So glad you were able to get out and have some “me” time
So true – we never stop growing / learning. So excited for you that you were able to connect the dots and figure this out (sorry about the situation) hopefully now that you know you can overcome the loneliness @anon53116147 love that you had a great facetime and meal (over the phone) last night. So great that you have overcome your fear of cooking and are killing it in the kitchen (so therapeutic to cook what you eat – the greens and healthy foods do nourish your body too). Best of luck with your placement test @catmama23 Thank you!!! I was blessed to have a good support system in place to help me change directions. Good psychiatric help is expensive in the states too but it is more manageable with insurance. Are you able to find someone that is in your network? Otherwise, yeah $1000 for 5 sessions total (if I understood that) sounds about right and for the well being of your mental health would be worth it. I’m glad you are making yourself go to the meeting – so important on days when you are so low. I do hope that it helps and your conversation with your sponsor goes well. As always – we are here if you need to chat / vent… @Butterflymoonwomanhugs my friend - I am so sorry for your emotional draining start to the day. I do hope that you are able to make your connections with your HP and that the meditations help calm the fears / worries. You are so right that we can’t worry about what hasn’t happened but hey that is so much easier said than done. Our mind immediately starts playing scenarios of what if’s and none of those are helpful. You are doing a fantastic job with your recovery, with your son, marriage, work – all of it! Make your budgets and live for today… you are stronger than you think and I do hope that you are able to regain your positivity. ODAAT!
Checking in on Saturday – OMG - I love how man posts there were this morning to catch up on I’m sober and DOC free for another day - loving every minute of navigating through life like this. Yesterday when I had to go into the gas station to buy ice my mind immediately went to “get some cigs” and I was like “NAH - WHY” then the entire time in line I had to repeat “I Don’t Smoke” so that I didn’t mindlessly buy cigs (this has happened before) - the guy in front of me purchased my brand and I was like “COME ON UNIVERSE” I bought the ice and left cig free I will go to grocery store tomorrow morning for ice - a great reminder that I still may not be strong enough to enter a gas station…Overall victory in my books
Have a wonderful DOC free day my friends - sending much love
Wow our work lives seem to be the same right now, we need to believe we can move on to something that aligns more, great going on your days and have a wonderful weekend
I just finished a work project this morning, and on Thursday I got out of doing my last consulting job. Yay!!! I am making good decisions for myself because I am not drunk. Have a good Saturday everyone!
glad you checked in and have a peaceful rest of the day 
Morning Check In
I’m sober and DOC free for another day - loving every minute of navigating through life like this. Yesterday when I had to go into the gas station to buy ice my mind immediately went to “get some cigs” and I was like “NAH - WHY” then the entire time in line I had to repeat “I Don’t Smoke” so that I didn’t mindlessly buy cigs (this has happened before) - the guy in front of me purchased my brand and I was like “COME ON UNIVERSE” I bought the ice and left cig free 
I will go to grocery store tomorrow morning for ice - a great reminder that I still may not be strong enough to enter a gas station…Overall victory in my books 
