It’s what I’m here for! Usually just suffer through this solo, but obviously, wasn’t working…I know the definition of insanity so I DID…NOT…REPEAT… This has been helpful…
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One of the few things I have learned in life is the importance of prespective… I don’t claim to know your struggles but I would only hope, maybe it’s not so bad? The hardest thing a human can do is change who they are in a fundamental manner, so it’s not easy… IDK you, but you seem nice and uplifting, obviously a survivor… So I can’t imagine you not being able to accomplish whatever you may want to… You’ve already faced the worst possible demons life has to offer… Everything has got to be easier… Right? Hopefully? You are strong, you’ve proven it to yourself already… You got this!
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Day 7 being clean from self-harm.
Yahoo! I made it to one week! Can’t believe in that. 
Anyways, my new week starts with school and work, so I’m slowly after allergy cold coming back to my busy mode heh.
Also I had very strange dream today, which doesn’t make me feel anxious, but something was wrong in that dream. Maybe because there was my ex boyfriend, who a lot abused me and did one really bad thing which destroyed me… 
But as well a lot changed me and in some way made my life better. It’s long story, which someday I will tell you all. 
For now let’s start this day.
I hope everyone are okay. 
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203 days.
I’ve been sugar craving again the last couple of days. I’ve experienced that on and off since I cleaned up. But hey, that’s just not a big deal. I’m sober and happy for that. It’s all good.
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Checking in; Day 11 clean and sober from dope and pills and everything. Things feel like they are becoming a little easier as the days past by. I have a good support system here at home. I feel okay, for now i guess. My moods are all over the place. Havent checked in in a couple of days. Gotta make myself get on here more. Depression hasnt eased us yet tho. 
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Celebrating day 240
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Morning all, checking in on Day 21. I am still not excited about the numbers building as don’t really believe I will do it I guess. I need to work on that, seem to be relying on willpower alone this time.
I woke in the night with massive anxiety, think I been putting off thinking about this week and now it is here. The kids go back to school, I am back to work properly and it feels like the endless tasks begin again. Life is just so busy. I also have my Grandmother’s funeral on Thursday which I am dreading. I really don’t want to go and don’t know why (apart from the obvious reasons). I adored my Grandmother so need to make sure I am there.
Would really just like to be able to pause and process all these feelings. I think I was drinking as needed the instant relax to deal with all of this. Now I don’t have that I feel like I just need a way to stop time.
Reading this back it looks like the beginning of an excuse to drink. It isn’t that. If anything I am more resolved, just really grumpy about having to do this the proper way, no quick fixes 
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1458
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
A massive f*ck up with the railways this morning meant I had to bike to work. Grateful I’m able to do so. X
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432 days 
it’s bloody cold today, we even got some decent hail.
I miss the sun. Good weather for snuggling and movies. No strong urges today, although this weather is the kind that usually had me drinking inside pubs out of boredom.
Not today 
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I am checking in. Progress made. Perfection no. I have been dealing with a lot mentally the past year, and I am getting better. I have been silently here and as @Soberbilly in other words said, I may not have a current great sober streak, but the progress I have made has been profound. So I am focusing on that. Not so much counting the days, but the strides I have made mentally, spiritually, and physically are good. Sometimes the day counting gets overwhelming, especially when I fail, and read about everyone else’s great progress, I feel inferior and like I am failing. But when I look at where I was, compared to where I am now, no I am not 100% nailing sobriety, but from where I was a year ago I am doing much better. I will get back to counting days though. I think that is important in keeping yourself honest with yourself and your own goals. But I think everyone’s sober journey is different. And that’s ok. The journey can be different, as long as the end result is the same. Be sober.
I want to send a thank you to @Twizzlers for remembering me and the thread of you are missed. I want u to know that because of you, I am here today and have been silently here for awhile since. And it’s been weighing on me heavily since then, to get back to fighting harder for what I know I deserve in life. Thank you. And I hope any of you who have lost touch with anyone, reach out in any way that you can. That thread is a lifeline, and you never know how just one person can affect the life of another by simply showing their existence meant something. A lot of us are here bc we can’t or haven’t shared our journey with anyone but u all. And the simple fact we chose to do that and open ourselves to you, and u all know more than our most intimate people in our lives, and u miss us more than the ones in our everyday lives…it means something. It means more than words can say. You all are such a great group of people and a community that I am forever thankful I found.
And @JazzyS yes ma’am u are loved. I don’t know you. I have never had the pleasure of talking with you. But I can tell you that the way you express yourself, your words and most importantly your love to others in need is truly a gift. From what I have read the past few weeks, I know that u are touching lives and hearts. You have a true gift. And you have found the best place to use it. Thank you for your selfless acts of kindness to so many people. I am sure that you have touched more hearts, than u truly know. Keep being an inspiration. You rock!
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Day 142.
It’s another beautiful morning I’m spending on the sea view balcony. Well… it’s actually raining. But still pretty.
Today I have a big day ahead with lots of work. But if I pull it off, I can take most of the week off. I need some time laying on the beach with a book and a fancy coffee and having nothing to do.
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I’m so glad your here still 
So glad you posted 
This is so true
Sometimes I just lurk in the background, sometimes that’s just what we need at that time. Just staying connected and reading here really makes a difference and I’m so pleased you posted 
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I don’t know if u will truly ever know just how much that meant to me personally. That is IMO the best thread on this site. I love this thread. Don’t get me wrong. However that one reaches the lost soul who may be teetering in the brink. Like I was. It brought me back. I wasn’t vocal. But I was here. Bc of you. Bc of you, and that one post, I have been here silently for weeks. I hope more people use that bc u never know what changes you can make in the life of someone, with one little post.
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Lots of hugs
I always think this community and the people here we all share something so powerful, I can never put it into words the feeling, the unity.
I’m so happy it helped and thank you for reminding me and others that when we think of someone we haven’t seen post, reach out to them, it might just be the what saves them.
You have made my day, just to know your okay, your safe and you have posted
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#Day 1721 
Late check in. Just saw my daycounter flipping and that made me come here.
Had a good weekend filled with family and good food.
Today? I just made a nice long walk and have to work at 12 o’clock. Just an ordinary day, a sober one.
Found a lucky clover and I give it to you all!
Have a good monday all!
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Hey all, checking in on day 1,086. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Sober adulting can suck for sure. Sending strength and peace for the funeral
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Day 1,088 clean and sober today. One week left until I take my first actual vacation. I am going camping for 3 days up in Idyllwild, Ca and hopefully do a couple pretty intense (for me) hikes while I’m up there. I’ve never been there before but the pictures look very beautiful. A co worker was asking me a couple weeks agi if I had heard about all of the witches and witchcraft that had gone on up there (which I hadn’t) and that sealed the deal lol. I love stuff like that and in the mountains as well??? I’m in 
Have an amazing day everyone, love you guys 
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Day 898 - rant day therapist - google tranlated
So stay in the trap with all my fears. Always had the feeling that my head went off when I got above ground level. Afraid to show me, with the feelings of not being seen not being heard. But that’s repetition. Also irritable when others give advice when they think I don’t know it myself. Think I do, but the action man-o-man 
.
I don’t know if exposure exercises will do me any good, feels a bit like punishing myself to look at photos like ex, brother and father, kind of sado machismo. Gets sick of it. And feels unsafe. Also read somewhere that it doesn’t necessarily help. Things I’ve done under the influence are so far away from me, I can’t get my head around them. Why couldn’t I just state my limits and why did I ever catch the first one. Totally borderless and certainly crossed the boundaries of others. From that moment on I could never do without it. The time I spent on it I can’t get filled with other things now. Enjoy few (actually nothing) things, my son will come tomorrow and I really have to recharge. No focus, constantly distracted by thoughts on the past and future and never really in the now.
Somewhere a little voice says I’m better off with booze. That I do have guts, daring and a certain bravura to go through life. Know that’s nonsense, but I’m really afraid of everything, especially socially. Don’t know who I am, as they say “you just came out of a burning house and you survived”. Well, a house that I’ve been in for a damn long time and completely lost my way. Feel alone and not understood by most.
Only now know what recovery means and am terrified of it, feeling I am going to lose it. Sponsor and you say I’m doing well, but I don’t see and feel myself. Am losing myself. Ate little and slept too long. Talked Also with my sponsor about it. But can’t seem to manage to do morning ritual and get up on time. Why? Always had, if I had something it went. Type ready within 10 minutes and out the door or crawl behind the computer and survive. Really don’t want to go on like this, so something has to change.
Greetz
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