I know it’s frustrating right now especially when you know you need a sponsor and not finding one – DO NOT GIVE UP - i’ve ready so many stories of how long it takes to find that perfect fit! Try different meetings possibly. Just know that it is possible for you and your time will come - do not stop looking.
SCREAM!!! yes - scream and let it out – i am a true believer is scream therapy. It has gotten me through so much. Keeping pushing that wall love – it will crumble soon enough. You are stronger than you think!! we are here for virtual sponsorship till you find your one irl.
I can understand your frustration. And your will to change but it’s not happening as fast as you wish.
Is there a possibility to get off some steam? Go into a forest and scream. Punch a pillow or a punching bag.
You are sober and that’s huge and if that’s what you can achieve today: you won!
I felt quite happy today already and feel that brain chemistry working good [edited] normal [edited] C+ [edited] B+, yet still experiencing sudden downhills time to time. I almost do not skip my gym workouts last few months, but since last Thursday I skipped all of them. I feel like I need to give my body some more rest. I also started to crave food like crazy. Yesterday I slept like baby. I think all in all all those symptoms are positive. Let’s keep moving this way.
[Updated]
Yet I noticed I am not in 100% mood. When I am in good mood I like to post some picture, or make a joke or put some music video… to make that post memorable, special, like a diary. I have that picture type of memory, I can put pictures only and that gives me even more information and emotions.
Yet I don’t feel this today. Still good I am talking, I remember days when I did not even wanted to check-in, very depressed days. I can say judging on those - I am in quite good place right now.
I kind of wanted to put a smile emoticon, but not really feel like smilling…
I am so sorry that you are still struggling so damn hard! You may be right on needing to give your body some rest.
Be gentle with yourself. Baby steps my friend – the =) is a step in the right direction. I do hope that you keep checking in here - we are all here for you and want you to succeed!
one minute at a time…stay strong
Yes that was on Monday and Tuestay too. All I did is grabbed drink asap after work and that ends my struggles, but makes me very drunk very fast (or more precisely) the negative feelings ‘‘ends’’ - irony is - caused by the abstinence from the last drink and but then suddenly you just want more and more and more and more and later drink it like water. I understand everything, so I know I just need to be patient now.
Actually about 15 years ago I had depression caused by constant panic attacks and suffered for 4 years and become addicted to clonazepam. When I feel that emotional emptiness caused by drinking - I remember how terrifying it was. I remember when I started to quit clonazepam and monitor my emotions there was plenty of days when I literally felt something, smile, happiness - for like 15 minutes a day. There was so much suffering. Mental pain literally can become horrible pain that you just feel in your body, muscles, bones. I remember that now and literally as I think more about it - the more I feel it. It’s horrible… You then loose desire to live, Loose Hope… I never lost Believe.
That’s super important! You have been through much my friend and I know you have the strength in you to fight for the life that you want and deserve.
The alcohol really does not give you any peace (it’s you mentality playing tricks on you). It’s only causing damage on so many levels especially at the rate you are consuming it (drinking it like water).
I do hope that you can find the support irl to help you through this time and know that writing it out here helps tremendously too… sending you loads of strength and comfort. I do hope you find the something happy to smile about today!
glad that you are able to relate with someone here and find solace in knowing you are not alone.
It is super tiring and emotional processing the hard realitites - do know that you are never alone in this … we are here to help when you are ready to talk. Hopefully you do also have someone irl to talk with.
Checking in Day 480
Today has been okay. Havent done much yet. Just getting ready to head out with my son in 1 hour to his bike appt. He will get to trial out diff adapted bikes to see which one he likes. Its through a fantastic program that rents out bikes to kids who need an adapted bike. These bikes usually cost anywhere from $600-$3000 to own and so renting a bike thru this program for $75 a year is just wonderful!
Once we are done with this appt, they will deliver it tomorrow which is perfect timing bcuz tmrw is his birthday!
Feeling grateful and blessed today. Feeling connected and loved. Today is a good day!
You can lick this. Time to buckle down. I went to 2-3 meetings a day. AA and The Luckiest Club. I connected locally with other women in AA and forced myself to do so even when I wanted to isolate. I also went to rehab. You are not licked. I believe in you.
You’re allowed to scream. You’re allowed to do anything (legal) that helps. The only thing you’re not allowed to is to drink because that doesn’t help. With anything. I feel your frustration and I do understand. Life can be a mess. Drinking will make the mess bigger. Drinking will make life harder. And ultimately drinking will kill. Sometimes all we can do is survive and maybe today is such a day for you. Survive. Don’t drink. You’re not alone
Bought veggets with my boyfriend (I really love veggets and I’m vegetarian as well). In bus we just cuddled quietly without words and it felt a lot nice.
As well my father met my boyfriend, it seems he likes him! He asked me if he didn’t hurt me or make me uncomfortable (he’s a lot scared that I will again have abusive relationships where I was as well sexually abused), so I told him he’s very sweet person (which is!).
Now I’m in my bed with dogs and my boyfriend, he already sleeps, because he needs to get up at 5am. He has filming. He’s excited a lot.
Night will be relaxing. Also here are shining stars, when I look out from my window. It makes me smile.
Today maybe was shitty day, but night already came and it’s already sweet at me.
You know. Idk why people have to be so mean. Today’s been a pretty good day…well I’m apart of this dating app on fb bc idk you just never know I’m not really looking but nothing wrong with talking. This girl matches back so I greet here and the response was what’s up baldie, I laughed it off and was like eh nothing wrong with that. Then she said quit talking to me, step your game up and change your look kid. Idk I mean it’s w.e but and I shouldn’t let it get to me, but it kinda is…now I feel like something is wrong with me and maybe I do look ugly or something I honestly don’t get hardly any likes on the app. So idk it’s just making me wonder if I do need the way I dress or do something different with my hair. Idk but just wanted to get it out so I’m not sitting thinking about it to much.
Oh wtf!!! She is a horrid human and should stay away from interacting with others!
Nothing wrong with the way you look or dress! Dont pay much attention to the sites. I swear they make so many beautiful people self doubt themselves. My sister didnt get many likes the 1st 2 yrs on sites and was flustered and questioned her looks. She did finally find her husband on one. I think its got to do with algorithm.
Regardless- you are handsome and should pay 0 attention to that bitch…not worth another second of your time or thought space
Hope everyone had a great day and is doing well.
Just finishing day four and feeling good had a good day at work followed by some family time and a bit of reading currently reading ranger 22 by Ray googins 3 chapters in and so far so good
Iam heading to bed now to watch a bit of telly and relax proud to of got this far today as Thursday would normally be one of my binge days but not this week pls god not for any week going forward a long way to go yet but over all feeling good and fresh
