#Day 1715 
The Dutch crew is checking in 
We heared a weird clicking sound for a few days. We couldnāt find the root of it but yesterday evening we did!
It is an "Grote bonte specht/Great spotted woodpecker! He uses our beehotel as a MC Drive 
Four years, thatās the stuff!!! Congrats Bec 
Checking in on Day 8 
Got my ass up and go for a walk with the dogā¦ Trying to get up more early but seems to be a way to go for me beein awake and motivated to put my running shoes on.
Any tips for a good morning routine ?
Have a great day and keep staying strong 
Hahaha awesome 
Congratulations @Becsta on your 4 years and counting!! Happy for you! Wonderful accomplishment. Yes, can you even imagine drinking these past four years?
Youāre doing it, sobriety, ODAAT !
Another day sober hope everyone is well 
Thank you!! @Alycia & @Alisa 
Nope canāt imagine myself drinking anymore! I know it would only end in disaster as Iāve been burnt too many times with testing my endless theories 
plus Iāve put in too much blood, sweat and tears to get this far - ODAAT and everyday grateful 
xx
Checking in on day 24. Iāve got the rest of the week off work for the school holidays. Off to do an odd job for someone for an hour, so a bit of cash in the back pocket. Then Iām free to relax 
Have a great day all.
The endless theories I feel that hahaha
Day 2 of being clean from self-harm.
Yesterday was really hard. No idea why first days are always hard, butā¦ Itās behind me now. I feel a bit better. Did for myself croissants and vanilla milkshake.
I will as well today clean my table. Itās messy here.
Then I need to take care of that hurting! Thank you a lot. 
Day 242
Another coworker called in sick 
Dammit 
But I donāt have to stay longer at work, sometimes my boss is nice too
I learned something yesterday. The fact that the guy I met doesnāt respond right away to my messages, or not even at the same day, stressed me.
I now know why. My dad used to punish me with silence when I did something that was wrong in his opinion.
When someone now doesnāt answer me right away Iām stressed and I question MY behavior, like I learned as a kid.
It needs time to settle down in my head tho, Rome wasnāt built in a day right? Step by step.
So Iāll try to lean back and relax. Heāll answer surely when he has the time.
I hope youāre having a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong
Hey all, checking in on day 1,081. I hope everybody has a good one!
Iāve been avoiding you guys and this community like crazy the last several days. Iām ashamed I really thought I had a good grasp on recovery, I didnāt go to rehab and a half way home to relapse, but guess what I did. When I went home for my weekend pass I saw all the signs, Iāve actually been in relapse mode for the last few months, once the small little relationship I was in went downhill so did my health. I was catching it then but I really didnāt get my self out of the funk. I was starting to miss appointments and groups and was really falling behind. Both my counselors were pointing out this behavior but I just kept saying I was fine, the weekend visit before last I almost relapsed as well but I caught it and told on myself when I got back to the halfway house. We moved on I was still having cravings not to bad but I could still see the signs, I knew it wasnāt a good idea to go home last weekend but I didnāt want to let anyone down and I was looking forward to the long weekend away, well Sunday my girls left with their mother and I knew I should of kept them but I thought awee some alone time would be nice , well it wasnāt to long after they left the thought turned into a obsession and I made the text. So I went and got some meth. A plus is I didnāt drink or do coke but still I fucked up none the less. I beat myself up instantly, Iāll be honest I was going to try and hide it but my mom noticed something was up so she called twin oaks and told them to piss test me. So when I got home they were waiting to piss test me, I wasnāt even mad or anything I told on myself right away and said Iām not gonna pass. They are very understanding and helped me get through it,there was no justifying this I knew I fucked up. 358 days down the drain. My progress was not lost and I picked myself up immediately and got back on track. I felt terrible for everyone around me my girls and mom have been so proud. I also believe the uncertainty of housing and college had really pushed me too. But I canāt make excuses I saw the signs I should of worked harder bc life is constantly changing I canāt relapse every time something doesnāt go my way. Anyways yeah Iām at day 7 Iām sorry to myself and forgive myself for making this terrible mistake. It wasnt worth it and I regretted it as soon as I touched the shit. Anyways much love, I am open to any feedback but plz be kind I know i need to change some more things.
Thatās what this was Mike, a mistake. They happen and they suck, but this disease is unrelenting. Good on you for getting right back to recovery. Build right back on that year of sobriety, itās not lost. 
Iām so sorry this happened Michael. But youāre doing it right, donāt drown yourself in this sadness that you relapsed. Look forward.
Those days youāve been sober are not lost, you learned a lot in that time and now you can use it.
Maybe everything together was just too much to handle for you?
I have only one wish: when you feel like you donāt want to come here to post you HAVE TO come here and post. Even if youāre pissed, angry, lonely or whatever. No post is stupid, see I post almost every day about everything thatās on my mind. And it helps so much!
Sharing pain does help.
Sending you hugs 
Checking in on day 3.
Day 198,
Walking Willow, physio exercises and some step aerobics too. Every day similar. No booze to be seen. 
Checking back in at day 1. Yesterday got me at a weak bad day. Iām getting right back on the horse though. 
Mhm. 
Self compassion was not easy for me to find, I also have a long history of self injuring. So when I take into consideration all of the ways I have harmed myself, (my body, my spirit, my mind) over the course of my lifetime, I sure did look āfucked upā. āI am insaneā and "Im fucked up " were my go tos until I learned more about my whys. Why was I acting so āinsaneā and why was I āso fucked upā. For me it all boiled down to fear and suffering. Its taken me alot of courage to look at myself but by doing that I have been able to clearly see what my soul has been screaming for all along. It is not asking for scarred skin and failing kidneys but that is what I had been cursing it with for 33 years. I am so grateful to see clearly now and I have hope that with hard work and dedication to your recovery you will be able to as well. Its so worth it, its hard, and the work never stops. The feeling I have inside todayā¦ I dont mind working my ass off everyday for it.
Sending you a big hug.
