Self compassion was not easy for me to find, I also have a long history of self injuring. So when I take into consideration all of the ways I have harmed myself, (my body, my spirit, my mind) over the course of my lifetime, I sure did look āfucked upā. āI am insaneā and "Im fucked up " were my go tos until I learned more about my whys. Why was I acting so āinsaneā and why was I āso fucked upā. For me it all boiled down to fear and suffering. Its taken me alot of courage to look at myself but by doing that I have been able to clearly see what my soul has been screaming for all along. It is not asking for scarred skin and failing kidneys but that is what I had been cursing it with for 33 years. I am so grateful to see clearly now and I have hope that with hard work and dedication to your recovery you will be able to as well. Its so worth it, its hard, and the work never stops. The feeling I have inside todayā¦ I dont mind working my ass off everyday for it.
Thanks for your honesty Mike. To yourself in the first place. Learn. Keep moving forward. One day and one step at a time. Keep at it. Recovery is work. Life long. It is so worth it though. Much love friend.
I had been binge eating in the evenings and got up to 190lbs, which is not good when you are 5ā9". I made some diet changes and started exercising and am down to 185 today. I really need to get down to below 170 to not be overweightā¦
I intentionally stayed away. Life is pretty crappy for me right now. I stayed away from the community, not out of shame, but because I didnāt want to be reminded that I wanted to be sober.
Community is so important but at the end of the day each person chooses to use or not. I always learn something new. I am glad youāre back. I am glad you keep showing up. There is no shame in that, my friend.
10 monthsā:sparkles: So much has happened the past 10 months. While I continue to make progress and regain control over my emotions, reactions, thoughts, triggers, behaviors, my entire life I guess, my family is transitioning through some rough things with extended family. These events have brought up āold stuffā. I heard this this morning, āThe only real apology is changed behavior.ā It was a nice little reminder that I have changed a lot. I still have work to do but Iām in a much better place to deal with all of these things since I donāt use alcohol and an eating disorder to regulate my nervous system anymore. Hope everyone has a great day!
Have you heard of In The Rooms? Itās an app & website that you can do meetings on. (The website is way better than the app.) They have many, many different kinds of meetings. My username on ITR is winteroftenacity if you wanna add me as a friend.
Please donāt ever say that. I do LifeRing meetings & they donāt let us say stuff like this. You still have that success. You still have that clean time. You just happened to relapse. A relapse doesnāt delete any of the progress you made in the past. It sounds like youāre in really good hands at Twin Oaks. Stay there. You seem so supported & thatās amazing! Youāre a really good father. Good for you. Iām glad youāre here & being so honest with yourself & your support. These are really good signs! Donāt beat yourself up. Youāre doing good!
This is something huge and can create a lot of triggers. We do have to remind our selves that so many factors could be causing a pause in the communication and retrain our brains to not always go to the āIām at faultā state. As you are building your friendship with this man you could possibly ask him to simply text ākā or something that would suit you better to know that heās received your message and that heās not able to respond atm.
I love this and do hope that you are able to relax and have a wonderful sober day!
Thank you - i have iced, rubbed and braced and will find time to get it checked out. Itās not as horrible as yesterday so Iām managing for now.
Just funny when you adapt to one ache/ pain then another one pops up ā iām starting to wonder if there is some sort of waitiing room inside me
I am so sorry for the relapse but as you said ā it was a mistake and one that you realized as you made it. You can not undo your 358 days of sobriety! You do need to be gentle on yourself and realize you are human and doing all that you can to be a better version of you (addiction free). I do hope that you do keep checking in. Itās good to have support irl but this community is also here for you 247. Itās harder to reach out when you are hurting or your addict brain makes you feel guilt / shame ā that is when you need your support group the most. No judgment here EVER ā just reach out.
So many people love and care for you and would be able to provide you with the support needed when you are showing signs of relapse. Well done on getting your first week completed ā I know you have the tools to succeed and the willpower and your girls are the motivation ā Only way to go is up my friend ā¦ have a wonderful sober day!
My gosh, Mike. Thatās one of the most courageous and solid responses to a slip that Iāve ever been made aware of. My friend, you are completely right, your progress is not lost. The way you handled this shows a strength you have in your recovery. My admiration for you is tremendous.
