Thanks for your honesty Mike. To yourself in the first place. Learn. Keep moving forward. One day and one step at a time. Keep at it. Recovery is work. Life long. It is so worth it though. Much love friend. 
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I had been binge eating in the evenings and got up to 190lbs, which is not good when you are 5ā9". I made some diet changes and started exercising and am down to 185 today. I really need to get down to below 170 to not be overweightā¦
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Thank you a lot.
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Shame is a bitch, Mike.
I intentionally stayed away. Life is pretty crappy for me right now. I stayed away from the community, not out of shame, but because I didnāt want to be reminded that I wanted to be sober.
Community is so important but at the end of the day each person chooses to use or not. I always learn something new. I am glad youāre back. I am glad you keep showing up. There is no shame in that, my friend.
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Wow, that is a great revelation. I love these ahhhhhhahhhhaaa moments. Now itās the digestive process. Thatās when I usually still struggle.
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Day 20
Itās 100% official
My first full day of work is today
A full 8hours!!!
Letās rock today
More later
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My first day was yesterday and it went great
It was 3 hours worth of training videos
Today Iām working for 8 hours and I canāt wait to start
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10 monthsā:sparkles: So much has happened the past 10 months. While I continue to make progress and regain control over my emotions, reactions, thoughts, triggers, behaviors, my entire life I guess, my family is transitioning through some rough things with extended family. These events have brought up āold stuffā. I heard this this morning, āThe only real apology is changed behavior.ā It was a nice little reminder that I have changed a lot. I still have work to do but Iām in a much better place to deal with all of these things since I donāt use alcohol and an eating disorder to regulate my nervous system anymore. Hope everyone has a great day!
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I do struggle too 
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Oh wow that is great news!
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Congrats! I hope you will enjoy your work. 
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Have you heard of In The Rooms? Itās an app & website that you can do meetings on. (The website is way better than the app.) They have many, many different kinds of meetings. My username on ITR is winteroftenacity if you wanna add me as a friend.
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Please donāt ever say that. I do LifeRing meetings & they donāt let us say stuff like this. You still have that success. You still have that clean time. You just happened to relapse. A relapse doesnāt delete any of the progress you made in the past. It sounds like youāre in really good hands at Twin Oaks. Stay there. You seem so supported & thatās amazing! Youāre a really good father. Good for you. Iām glad youāre here & being so honest with yourself & your support. These are really good signs! Donāt beat yourself up. Youāre doing good! 
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Thank you. Iām taking this advice. Iām gonna check in every night from now on.
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This is something huge and can create a lot of triggers. We do have to remind our selves that so many factors could be causing a pause in the communication and retrain our brains to not always go to the āIām at faultā state. As you are building your friendship with this man you could possibly ask him to simply text ākā or something that would suit you better to know that heās received your message and that heās not able to respond atm.
I love this and do hope that you are able to relax and have a wonderful sober day!
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Thank you - i have iced, rubbed and braced and will find time to get it checked out. Itās not as horrible as yesterday so Iām managing for now.
Just funny when you adapt to one ache/ pain then another one pops up ā iām starting to wonder if there is some sort of waitiing room inside me 
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I am so sorry for the relapse but as you said ā it was a mistake and one that you realized as you made it. You can not undo your 358 days of sobriety! You do need to be gentle on yourself and realize you are human and doing all that you can to be a better version of you (addiction free). I do hope that you do keep checking in. Itās good to have support irl but this community is also here for you 247. Itās harder to reach out when you are hurting or your addict brain makes you feel guilt / shame ā that is when you need your support group the most. No judgment here EVER ā just reach out.
So many people love and care for you and would be able to provide you with the support needed when you are showing signs of relapse. Well done on getting your first week completed ā I know you have the tools to succeed and the willpower and your girls are the motivation ā Only way to go is up my friend ā¦ have a wonderful sober day!
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My gosh, Mike. Thatās one of the most courageous and solid responses to a slip that Iāve ever been made aware of. My friend, you are completely right, your progress is not lost. The way you handled this shows a strength you have in your recovery. My admiration for you is tremendous.
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Oh did I do this the first 4 years I had an account here on TS. Iām so glad to hear from you, friend.
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Yesterday after work I went looking for alcohol in the apartment and found some bourbon that wasnāt locked up. I had two (double) drinks and then stopped. I didnāt enjoy any of it at all and I really donāt like the taste of burbon which helped keep me from drinking more. This was different from the other relapse/close relapse where drinking felt like me taking back some agency in my life. This time it was more about how hard recovery has been so far, how it feels so hard to be in my emotions all day every day, I just didnāt care anymore about trying to build something that hurts so much. So I gave up. But it didnāt help at all and of course I was so irritated and ashamed about losing my days.
However, Iām starting to wonder if counting days is constructive for me, personally. Like ok, I have zero days sober. But Iāve also only drank on two nights since February 21st, after drinking heavily 5 or more nights a week for years. So Iām throwing away the shame and focusing on progress, not perfection.
I also think my frustration with my sponsor is causing more harm than good. She said Iām back at step one now but Iām not sure what that means or what to do. I know I can get a new one but I have a lot of social anxiety tied up with all of that.
It was good for me to really think about how drinking makes me feel - pouring poison into my body - and it was hella not worth it. I just wish I could land on a recovery routine that feels good and doable and helpful. Still figuring out some of these pieces. I probably need to get back on anti depressant meds as well ASAP. Iāve felt extra hopeless and bleak this week.
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