Thank you!
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Checking in day 45, busy with job interviews etc so sorry ive been quiet! Have a lovely day everyone 
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Hey all, checking in on day 1109. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 
Second Check-in
I think I will not lats long. Having such a bad cravings today. The only thing holding me in now is that I promised to go to AA if I will relapse again ------and------ I dont wanāt to go thereā¦ But if I promised (((I will do it))) . Who knows / after all / maybe / indeed / that attitude of mine trying to show that I can do it in other ways / while (more than half) people here goes to meetings āto be honestā sounds like show off to me āand---- maybe ā it is a bad example I am promoting here? I donāt know.
AND I am tired of my nonsense. I mean, sure there is a lot of sense in what I am talking about, but WE are here for sobriety, and if we talk about that - I have nothing to put on the tableā¦ Thatās the reality.
Sugar / Sweets 
Day 9
Allowed slips /per week used 1/3 
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Maybe thatās it zzz. I believe we should be willing to do anything to stay sober. We should try out anything that can possibly help with staying sober and clean. I went to AA. It didnāt last for me. But I tried. I did find other ways of working my Recovery / Discovery that do work for me.
This right here is my meeting place. I work in addiction care. I am working on myself in psychotherapy. Thatās my way. Everybody has to find their own. Iād say go to AA before you relapse. It might be a good fit for you. Youāll never know until you try.
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@Jonachav123 Wow! Congratulations 
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@Olivia Fantastic stuff! 
@Juli1 Indeed, you can only take so much. What else can you do. Although AA did the trick for me, I promised myself that if this time didnāt stick I would seriously consider rehab. If what you are doing now isnāt working, you might have to try something uncomfortable.
@BrOKenWolf I feel like if you really wanted to be alone, you would just not post. The leaving announcement means you want connection. But connection canāt always happen on cue. And always takes time.
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@Mno Psichoteraphy is very good, helped me a lot when I was suffering from Panic Attacks. I see that the same methods what worked for my Benzos addiction and anxiety is not working for alcohol addiction so I definetly have to do changes. I feel AA might work, but I am afraid that I will become dependent from them then. I felt like I am capable to hold it on my shoulders. Again, if you think twice itās been about 3-4 years and I still struggling, Maybe I am improved in some ways, but that is plain zero on the table. I live in country that radiates different values. Work at musculline environment and hear talks about cold one after work every day. I need to push harder on that sobriety scale to keep in balance. Enough said. Thank You, Brother 
@Misokatsu I would like to attend rehab program, actually. Problem is I live in such system that this is almost impossible to me. We talking about TOP5 drinking country in the world. Post Soviet. Going to rehab would be like saying goodbye to my carrier. That is the last stop for everyone. I am not saying never. Ok. I just try to stay adequate. I think the best I can do right now is at least try AA.
If that would not work, I would need to consider rehab option.
Or I can try to speak about rehab options at AA meeting. I am sure some folks would give me good advices. I think thatās the best I can do. 
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Day 921,
Called a treatment centre for some information. Itās a centre in Portugal. To be honest I donāt know my addictive brain wants to go there, or that I really need it. It is not going brilliantly so might give it a go. A relative small amount is needed as own contribution. I hear my parents already say why Portugalā¦.
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Checking in. Day 263
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Checking in day 423
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Checking in 
Absolutely tired, think Iām totally exhausted with all the unexpected jobs that have popped up the past week+
I feel Iām going to fall asleep standing up 
So much catching up to do here. I think il get the food cooked now and then early evening just rest and an early night.
Hope everyone is well.
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Day 
So I did not succeed to hold up it on my shoulders. AA that means. I promissed to go back to AA after relapse and that is what I will do.
///Anyway///
The problem is after about a month and a half my totally best friend fly back from UK to meet with me and we plan to go to Baltic Sea. There is no way I will pass on having beer with him. You can tell me what you want, but it is what I just said. It is better to have one slip in two months, than whole two months of slipping. So what happens in Palanga - stays there. Or I can just be gone for two monthsā¦ Maybe that is better idea, but I doubt about that. Anyway many things can change in few monthsā¦ Who knowsā¦ I am totally sure I will reset the days in the future when I will be more comfortable mentally to do so.
Sugar / Sweets Day 10
Allowed slips /per week used 2/3
I will count using alcohol as a sugar slip too. It is much worse than sugar to our liver.
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Villa Ramadas by any chance? And only in this respect, with full respect for your parents, just this once, Iād say 'f*ck your parents. Because it just might work for you. This is 100% for you and no one else.
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Day 6 sober
Yesterday I made a bad dicision and used up my paid time off at work
I didnāt think I could finish the work day. I just had 4hours left and I think I could have managed after I got home. I just had a super amount of anxiety. I wonāt be doing that again especially since I have no more time off. I have today and tomorrow off and Iām back at it on Friday. Iāll kick some ass there I know it. No more excuses.
I donāt have much experience in the work place. I collected SSI for my whole adult life not needing to worry about work. I made a big disision when I took this job becauseit was SSI or work. I chose work so I could live a normal life. Iām sticking to it
Stay strong everyone
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I sympathize brother. Im the same and have peaced out here before too. If in time you want to log back in, the community will be very happy to see you.
Take care
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@jonachav123 wow a huge congrats on your news! That is super exciting. It is totally normal to be nervous but you will kick ass as a sober present father.
@juli1 much love my friend ā when we do hit our absolute exhaustion point with dealing with this poison that is when our healing and recovery can begin. I have faith that you possess all the tools and the strength to be the best sober version of you.
@brokenwolf I am so sorry that you feel like nobody cares. I know that this is not true. You are loved and cared for here. Not sure how your post was missed but do know that it was not intentional. Some days / times are super busier and with the flooding of posts it is unfortunately easy to get lost in the mix. Doesnāt mean that we donāt care or worry about you. I do hope you are healing well from your injury and are taking care of yourself.
@soberbilly congrats on your 1-year TS anniversary. Love having you on this journey with me.
@zzz so sorry that the urges won. Very happy to hear that you will keep your promise to yourself and go to AA. This may not be the answer but I do think some sort of support / recovery group is the key. You are a strong proud man but like the rest of us you can not battle this addition alone on your shoulders. You shouldnāt have to carry that burden alone. I see what you are saying about not drinking straight for 2 months but knowing that when you see you friend you will drink ā this is not a healthy mindset in my opinion but I do realize everyone has their own roads to take towards sobriety. I do wish you good health and a sober day ahead!
@rob11 when your parents ask why Portugal ā Cause itās a great treatment center that will benefit my recovery! You admit that it is not going brilliantly at the moment. I know you have been struggling a lot lately (with 921 days under your belt you are kicking ass at the sobriety bit) ā I just wish you could also kick ass on your mental health bit so that you can start enjoying your life and all itās surroundings.
@Twizzlers Wanting to sleep standing up ā my goodness, Iāve been there and not a pleasant head space when you are that exhausted. I do hope that you are able to get the rest you need and regain some of your energy! Try to find some just āmeā time for you during each day. The unexpected jobs / tasks will always be around but your health is most important.
@completely sending you strength love ā stay focused!
@noshame we all have those moments when we donāt think we can last any longer but then someone do last. Itās good that you came home and relieved your anxiety and realized that you could have lasted longer had you stayed. This situation will help you the next time the feeling arises. Way to go on kicking ass and choosing to live your normal life! Rest up and enjoy your now so that you can kick ass at work Friday.
Checking in on Wednesday afternoon
Juggling with a headache and cramps and just body pains and itching. It has not been a great start and then had a bit of a tiff with my mum (all good with mum now). Just feel like crawling out of my skin for a while until the body can sort through itās shit 
ā thinking about going back to bed but dont want to waste this day so not sure what i will do next but do know i will be doing it addiction free!
Happy Hump Day everyone ā sending much love 
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I know. Youāre right. I guess that is the least beast I can mannage at the moment. All I can say, donāt try to make me do other way because I know I am going to do either way. I am sending love to all of You 
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Day 35. Had a good one on one session with my other counselor. Good group and now getting ready for peer group to switch are chores and then going to do that tattoo, Iām feeling a little more excited about it today. I posted some of my work in a tattoo group again and actually got some really awesome feed back which kind of helped me in being down about tattooing. Still im not focusing on it tho, school is way more important, getting into my own place and getting better is all Iām worried about right now. My girls ears piercings went good yesterday, they said it hurt a little bit. They looked cute as can be, miss my babies and love them so much. Anyways much love to you all
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Congratulations 
ready for the next 1000 
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