Checking in daily to maintain focus #56

[Mira_D]

Hi all, hope you are all having a beautiful day and for those in pain I hope you can take it easy on yourself today. I am holding on to what my late sponsor told me which is “this too shall pass”. The only way to go is through it.

I am checking in after a very emotional morning/afternoon. The death of my sister has brought out some big family issues, and it has been difficult to go through old patterns in real time. I am learning too that accepting people, and forgiving and letting live sometimes is not enough. I have been in fear I think of addressing issues as not wanting to cause problems, be shut out and afraid of the response. I think my “worst” fears are being realized now, and it is difficult but also very telling. These patterns are not old, they are just patterns and setting boundaries and talking about things is very hard. One family member is open to talking, and for me is not about being right or wrong, but that it is okay I say how I have been hurt. This is all very painful stuff, and I had done work on family before and tried to live in acceptance but again I have a different perspective now. Its okay to have these boundaries, its okay to address when people hurt you and then…what I am trying to do is let go. People can be very unhealthy, amd it isnt always in our best interest to accept them as they are when it is at our expense. I am trying something that I havent really tried befoee, but it is praying for those I have a resentment for. I am sure I have heard this be suggested to me over the years, but I read another member on here did that for 30 days witj a resentment and they prayed for the person. I just thank you very much for sharing that, as it I think is all I can do at this point.

No emotional turmoil is worth drinking over. It does feel scary for me to have touched some deep emotions, because within a day or so of touching things I tend to reach for a drink rather non-chalantly. I have spoken to those close to me about it, and I am going to gi spend some time in my veggie garden and pray. I really fewl so much strength in getting to read all of your posts, and have this space to share. I am really trying to do the work and heal, though I realize that I scramble witj not knowing what to do first. Keep It Simple. Back to Basics. Just do not drink today, sit with the feelings and be grateful for the hard ones (and grateful for the hard talks), and take things one step at a time.

Much love to you all today. Xo.

[zzz]

Day

Second Check-in

---

So I wanted to point one thing. We are many here / and we are all different. Me {personally} I always try to look for connections > rather < than > dis-connections. As you may noticed I post a lot of spiritual content; a lot quotes from Bible. I remember many years ago I was highly against Christianity (to be honest) - (all the criminal activity in Vatican and lots of dirt in that (and other religions) always put me away from it. I always searched. Never stopped. Now my understanding is much deeper and totally different (I will not even start to explain anything) [;] Back to the point [.] Before all that [.] I Started with Buddhism. Then got true miracles happened to me \as I almost died many years ago/ those miracles never stopped since that day. Every day is a miracle now /I kept telling this\ yet with my drinking and with time I feel like lost that connection a bit.

I got strong intuition and connection that is leading through my path. It just showed me the way in quite hardly describable manner. Rationally, speaking after I almost died I asked - God - Why I am still alive? and I met my wife after it /\ [She works at Church]. Things changed dramatically since then. My all surroundings changed, friends. I met people so bright, so pure, I never wanted to look back.

Yet I had my downfall after that and lost my path for some time. We also divorced 3+ years ago / but I never said that our meeting in life was pointless. It was a lot to me and with purpose.

What I wanted to point out - people like to talk / to teach others / give lessons / give for granted /// yet /// they forget one main thing - This life is a teaching itself. It is a book itself!

And as I mentioned in the beginning I always try to look for connections > rather < than > dis-connections. I just had nice random Bible reading and had this nice message that says it all

As one of my favorite Bible teachings that just explains how we all have different paths, yet it does not mean that we all are going in different ways.

*1 Corinthians 12
[…]

4 Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; 6 and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. 7 To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. 8 For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, 10 to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. 11 All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills.

One Body with Many Members

12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.

14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18 But as it is,God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

[…]

Don’t forget - the biggest gift can be gifted that we have in this life - Is

We have Each Other

Thank You

[Johann117]

Day 1039 and a half, lol.

Had a good morning with meditation, getting a few chores done, and doing some reading on here. Another mediocre feeling day, but I am blessed to be realigning myself with active sobriety again instead of passive. Working on getting the courage up for sending out more job applications. Took a small step in exercising again, I know this will help my mental and physical health so much, always hard to get started. Crazy to remember how fit I used to be even during much of my addiction lol. Contemplating on quitting nicotine again soon, what a tough habit, now I know I can get daily support and tips here.

[SadMemeQueen]

on my way to a Noah Kahan concert I’m so excited

[JennyH]

Have fun @SadMemeQueen

Second check in of the day, not quite so positive. I crashed hard earlier, a proper chronic fatigue crash. Fell asleep as soon as I finished work and then had intense guilt for not spending time with my kids. I just couldn’t get out of bed. Cancelled the gym so husband was late home. He has been home a couple of hours and has rescued things a bit, planned dinner etc. I am just so disappointed that I am like this on Day 3 of the holidays. I have resisted self-medicating with wine and had a bath. Hopefully an early night. And this weather is awful, rain again!!!

[JazzyS]

@lastry Well done Fiona on 16days of sobriety. Do have your go to plan for support / na drinks / activities during your holiday so that you can protect your sobriety. I’ve heard way too many stories of losing sobriety to that “one” drink. Sending strength and hope you have a wonderful relaxing time.
@dmcg1987 I’m sorry you are feeling ill and having to work through it – I do hope that you are home now and resting and hopefully able to take care of yourself so you feel better soon. Sending you healing vibes
@sobermedic HELL Yeah to your 60 days! Well done and keep up the amazing work
@chase.e.u Congrats on your double digits! I do hope that by talking with you your friend is also able to find the strength to choose a path of recovery. Well done my being an inspiration and a motivator.
@dustysprungfield Man the disease is a tricky one – I know the second I let my guard down I’m in trouble. Well done on jumping right back into your recovery. These slip ups remind us that we need to be vigilant and protect our sobriety. Glad to see you here with us – we are stronger together.
@SelfLove_42 WOW – I do love the experiment you have laid for yourself – I do agree that sleep is when we allow our bodies and minds the time it needs to heal so sleep is essential to our recoveries. Sending you strength in keeping to the schedule!

@Wakikki

The last few days I also feel Im back in a place mentally where I dont feel good, it reminds me of how I have been the last few winters(oct/nov-march/april), and Im afraid its coming back again and even earlier then it use to. Its a dark hole where I dont want to be.

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I’m glad that you are able to see the warning signs ahead of time – are you able to talk this out with anyone (therapist, counsellor…etc)? The mind is an amazing thing and I do think that we can work on re-training it – it does take a lot of work and we can not do it alone. I do hope you are able to find help with this so you do not fall into the dark hole. We are here for you too so please keep talking it out / checking in (that may help give you some relief as well). Much love my friend – you are not alone. Just saw your update – glad you have someone to talk to and hopefully they can help you so you don’t find yourself in the darkness.
@juli1 so proud of you for not giving in to that voice and instead forming a trick to help you protect your sobriety. Way to flex your sober muscles.
@johann117 I do hope that your day becomes brighter as it progresses. Nicotine is a tough habit but you have shown your strength with your sobriety and i know you can do this too. Grumpy A-holes (quitting cigarettes/ nicotine products) is a great thread for some tips and support.
@jennyH so sorry that you crashed - grateful that your husband was able to help with dinner / kids - i do hope that you are able to have a guilt free rest (your body is screaming for it) and gain more energy for tomorrow.

Checking in on Wednesday afternoon
Not much done today as i conserved all my energy to go see a friend for lunch. It was fun to put on makeup and something other than sweats. Made it home in time as - Severe storm is coming through and the sirens are blaring for a tornado watch. Wow - the sky looks amazing! Catching up was great but now super exhausted. I am going to try and move a bit and see what i can accomplish with the rest of the day.
Have a lovely addiction free day my sober friends… sending much love

[JennyH]

Thank you so much. I am going to just take the rest I need right now and not feel guilty.

I feel bad complaining about our boring endless rain when you face such dramatic weather there! I hope the storm isn’t too bad there.

Sounds like you had a lovely lunch, so nice to really make the effort. Hope it didn’t take it out of you too much and you can enjoy the rest of the day too. I always think naps after those lunches are all the sweeter

[JazzyS]

thank you - yes, it is weird weather for sure as just an hour ago it was so hot and humid and the sun was brutal - still nothing like the heat they are experiencing in the south… i think we are all having some weird ass weather – it’s ok to complain when it is never ending… hopefully this storm will cool off things a bit.

i am tired but also need to eat something (only drank my na drinks at lunch as i can’t eat anything on the menu and i left so quickly that i was only able to take a kind bar with me - now 3:30 and i need to fuel my body LOL - i do agree that after lunch naps are so great (i am starting to enjoy them more and more these days) –
Well rest well my friend - sending you energy vibes so that you wake up fully energized

[KevinesKay]

@Juli1

Day 5,48

I managed craving with a trick.
Didn’t take my moneybag with me to the swim.
Just my seasons card and drivers license

Now in dressing room after a nice 2000m workout…
No possibility to buy anything on way back!
No cravings.
Silent voices.
Soft thoughts.
Lot of them.
No loud addictive mind anymore.

Love… Oh Love!
Oh Love.

That was a good trick. Congratulations

[KevinesKay]

@SelfLove_42

9 more days. I’m counting down with you to 300. With our inner struggle, 300 days is a triumph!

Thank you, my friend.

Now I’m celebrating day 292.

The toxicity level in my brain has been a solid 4 for a bit. Several days ago, I fantasized for about 5-10 minutes before stopping myself. Other than that, I’ve been practically lust and fantasy free for the past two weeks.

[TheWolf]

Good evening. I’m checking in on day 80. I feel I should be interacting more often with others on here, but I just pop in to check in

[Dustysprungfield]

Total abstenance is the only way… during my last clean stretch I leaned a bit on non alc beer which was a bad habit and in some ways kept the bad habits alive. I’m going to steer clear of AF beer this time around. Also I set a goal of staying dry until the summer when I would enjoy the reward of indulging. I’ll have to put a bit more thought into that one this time.

[anon15828629]

Checking in day 11

Hi all hope everybody is doing ok today

Not feeling so good today feel very anxious all day absolutely lashing rain all day so stuck inside all day you wouldnt put the mother in law out in it.
Usually by now I’d be on the beer if I felt this anxious and bored I suppose the fact I am not is a small step forward.
Heading to bed now to get to sleep looking forward to going soccer training tomorrow gives me something to do.

But on the plus side went to the shop and saw these so decided to treat myself to a few new bits for my collection after reaching double digits yesterday

[DryIn785]

Hey all
Got out of the hospital yesterday. When I checked in Thursday afternoon, I told the nurse it was probably alcohol poisoning. She said it sounds more like late-stage liver failure. What made it worse, after my CT scan was done, the doctor said there’s an anamoly “we can’t rule out it’s a tumor”.
And I have this horrible inexplicable weight gain.
I’m just feeling super lonely right now. Sorry about the rant.

[JazzyS]

Oh Mark - i am so sorry you are going through this.
When will you get the results from your tests? Were they able to confirm or rule out anything?

I do hope that you throw out any remaining alcohol in the house and give your body a fair shot at healing.

Sending you healing vibes and strength my friend.

[DryIn785]

Waiting on the tumor results, but they did determine with certainty that I have gallstones. I got a whole bunch of appointments coming up with different specialists if I can keep track of them all…

[SoberGuyUSA]

Hello all,

Checking in on Five Years Sober!

God Bless!

[JazzyS]

Are they able to help you with the gallstones? Diet, medication, surgery?

@DryIn785

whole bunch of appointments coming up with different specialists if I can keep track of them all…

Im sure you feel overwhelmed. This is for your health and hopefully bring you a better quality of life. I do hope that you are able to keep the appointments so you can start getting the help you need.

[icebear]

HEY! Congratulations on five whole years!

[Amy30]

Day 193.

I’m sorry, I haven’t caught up. I’m ok and sober. Just going through one hell of an existential crisis.

I might post about my feelings in more details in the next few days. But just wanted to check in and let you all know I’m … well, not ok. But sober. That’s one thing that never changing. No matter what.