Yeah I will, Im not afraid for my sobriety and will never back to that darkness, but the numb and distant feeling would be something in this hell of anxiety, just want to be free.
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Thanks so much! It really helps having a place to vent where everyone totally gets it. My friends and family are great but theyre not drunks (or at.least not willing to admit to themselves that they are!)
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Day 7
Evening.
Back home without buying shit.
Itās hard today.
I am in a bath of overwhelming feelings.
Heavily disappointed this evening.
Once more.
Same guy.
I am not out of the toxic game at all.
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Thank you! I drink water or have a 7 oz can of Coke Zero here and there, especially when craving something a bit sweet. I pause before opening the refrigerator and make sure Iām legitimately hungry, and not just bored or upset. Itās a struggle, I wonāt lie.
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Congratulations 
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Welcome back Delia. Missed you on the foodies thread. I was almost going to put out an SOS on the you are missed thread. I hope yāall had a great time camping.
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@LMolier1124 I love P!nk, saw her live a long time ago now, but itās hands down my fav concert of all time!
@Misokatsu congrats on getting all that grading done 
hopefully you can relax a bit with your book after doing all of that.
@Juli1 amazing work congrats on your week
@Scorpn Iām sorry about your insomnia and WiFi challenges, hoping you get some restful sleep and Internet connectivity ASAP 
@zzz congrats on 3 weeks AF
@Sissychris39 congrats on 2 weeks
@anon53116147 proud of you for walking away, donāt bite, sorry heās being like this though.
@TheWolf congrats on 90 days
@Kipper breathing and creativity sound like a great plan 
sending strength š©µ
@MooseTracks congrats on 11 months
1090 days no alcohol.
555 days no cocaine.
70 days no vape.
1 day no binge-eating.
Slept okay, woke up on time, did my morning routine, then went to the drumming workshop. As usual, I really enjoyed that. Thereās only one more session, next Saturday. They did say they are going to try ro run something there in the winter, and I said Iād definitely go if they did.
Came home, read a chapter of the book Iām reading, and did 40mins of colouring whilst listening to an audio book. Funny now, to think I was looking at the timer multiple times on the first day when I started with only 10mins, and today when I looked at the timer for the first time, there were only 2mins13secs left.
I hope youāre all having wonderful sober weekends.
š©µ
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Checking in on a Beautiful day here in Kentucky for day 179 sober.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend.
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Evening check in. Rain all day here but got out to church this morning and AA meeting this afternoon. Slow day but Iāll take it. Keep up the good work you all
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Checking in sober day 20.
Today was a bit better. I even did a little work. Iām trying to catch up on things before Monday. Last week was rough and I got behind on things.
Cravings are lessening as I get more days sober.
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Checking in first weekend not vapingā¦day 4.8. Cravings are constant and strong. Hoping as i move thru those āfirstsā i will get more comfortable with the absence of my habit. Im uncomfortable. Tearful. And anxious. Smoking wont help. Im imagining sunday evening when im proud of what ive accomplished. One day at a time.
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Tomorrow probably will be the last time I check in until 20 of August because I will start a pilgrimage. Pray for me friends! I want to be closer to the Lord
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!Celebrating day 302
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@CATMANCAM what a great thing you found the right kind of socializing!!! Thanks for your experience 
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Trigger warning:
Checking in, almost 3 days after relaxing after 9 months of sobriety. Iām in a detox clinic and feeling pretty annoyed with myself. I had the world at my feet, and I set myself back.
I lost my friend to cancer, I wrote about her previously. Weād had a falling out and I didnāt know how to emend things or how I would be when she passed. Well she passed without seeing me and Iāve taken a huge blow. Thereās not a lot of people who will understand why this is so hard for me. Work donāt know that we became estranged because I ducked up because Iām an alcoholic. They donāt know how sorry I am and I can never make emends with my beautiful friend.
I also had a fight with my partner as I found that heās been using recreational drugs āoccasionallyā. He didnāt tell me because of how Iād react. Well I will not have drugs in my life, not once a year, not twice, not ever. Itās a deal breaker.
So I found myself drinking and I was unconscious on the floor after taking pills. Not helpful. And then I tried again 2 days later, definitely not helpful. Now my daughter wonāt speak to me, my partner wonāt answer his phone (and is also drinking again after 10 monyhs).
So things have been h as rd. But today I feel strong and ready to get back out there, unfortunately they will probably keep me here for a week because of the medication I took.
So yeah. Hello day 3 again. Iāve seen you before. 9 months was my longest and I want to get back to that and more.
Iāve applied for a promotion at work so Iām feeling mentally strong, just physically exhausted and very sad.
Thank you for reading.
I love you all.
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Hello all,
A busy last few days upnorth, packed up today and my hubby headed home with the kids and I drove to the city where my mom and nephew are. Spending another day and then doing the big haul back to our house with my nephew. Ive missed him so much and Im so happy to be with him, though its emotional/challenging to be in the house I grew up with my sister in - and spent so many great times. Im sitting in the backyard now, it was her favourote spot. Especially in the summer.
I just went to the store and bought myself a bunch of dribks because I know this all can be a bit triggering for me, and my mom does drink. I bought some Calypso lemonades to mix with soda; I dont usually like drinks that are too sweet but it helps right now to have something more then water. And I know this!
Feeling the heart thump in my chest. My mom is barely hanging on taking care of my nephew, and there has been no new changes for a plan going forward. Things are very broken whefe I live for this kind of situation - essentially, there is no protocol to deal with such a unique situation so we are āstuckā. I dont want to feel this way, though I can see it on my mom and I do not blame herā¦she is much older then I am, and we have all been doing everything we can to care for my nephew but he needs so much more then we can physically give. Have to keep plugging away, I tell myself. Cannot worry too much about tomorrow, just have to plan and execute. And I have decided I have to watch when resentment and self pity creep in - I may be the one doing the heavy lifting, but I am blessed to have the gift to give this to my sister and nephew. It is the right thing to do. We just have to find a wayā¦and we will.
But wow yes emotional being here. I am staying in her old room, which before being hers it was my old room. Miss my family, miss my sister and though I feel emotional I am not crying right now. I think in a way being around my mom I do not cry because her emogions are so big; its not that I feel I have ti be stronf, its just how I react when others are feeling so big.
Anyway, nephew has two big teeth coming in and he cannot tell us his teeth are wiggly. We noticed tonight, and I finallt got him to let me wiggle it! So wiggly and then it started to bleed in his mouth and he didnt like the taste. He wrnt to the mirror (he loves to look at himself) and came down and told me ābandaid, bandaidā so I went and got him one and it took some convincinf to stick it under his lip because he wanted it in his mouth. He did not want me to touch it again, but kept playing with it. Finally he was looking in the mirror wiggling it, and I reached over (he didnt close his mouth or stop me) grabbed it and twistsd a little and it came out. Wellā¦he was not quite sure what to think about it but hes so much more comfortable! I had a little moment for my sister like ālook at your boyā¦lost his first toothā and I could feel tears there that werent ready to fall. She always told him sheād be there with him every step of the way, and I know she is.
Xo everyone. To another 24.
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So sorry for the loss of your friend. Use this time to get yourself balanced. Wish you well 
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Thank you 
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Day 54.5!!! Made it through! No drinks no drugs! Feeling better today was able to pull myself out of the funk and do a great job at work the last 2 days!!
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