I’m glad you’re here 
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I’m sorry you’re having such A rough time! I can definitely relate to feeling like you HAVE to do so much and the stress and anxiety it can cause because you’re only one person and can’t possibly get to it all…
I hope this passes quickly! And you can take a deep breath and relax.
Knowing you’ve done your best is all you can ask from yourself
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Day 9. My boyfriend recently had to move farther away from me for work, and that really fucked me up. I was thinking I wasn’t going to see him as much, and since he’s part of my support network, I guess this triggered something (this is a small part of what led to my relapse). Apparently I have abandonment issues. But anywho, today we hung out all day and I’m staying over at his place. We actually went to a heavy metal show (he’s a big fan and I like it in small doses). No desire to drink. I had a Yerba Mate, and that was perfect, since I slept like shit last night grrrrrr…oh well.
I’ve started tapering off Prozac, and will continue to do so for the next few weeks, before trying something new. Luckily, my GP is actually there for me, and she wants me to check in frequently. I have temporary Disability benefits while I do this, since sometimes med changes can make things a little dicey. I’m nervous, but taking it one day at a time, just like sobriety.
Off to bed soon. Stay strong everyone! 
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Day
274 substance free (9 MONTHS! 
)
12 Self harm free
86 not restricting food
Man the cigarettes is the hard one for me. “Doing it for myself” makes it even harder. I had a dissociative episode and when I was “back” I had cigarettes and had self harmed. Now it’s 12 days later and I still have cigarettes 
I haven’t bought any more, but have had one each day… Ugh I want to quit.
I am happy that I made it through my crappy anniversary without any new scars, and even spent the day with the kids making some new, happy memories. And some friends here definitely made it better!
And now I am 9 months sober from getting high. I haven’t used through all of the wild /trying events! I am pretty proud of myself for that.
I’ve started a new (albeit temporary) job this week and was able to help a coworker, so that made me happy 
taking my breaks at work is also feeling amazing!
Today was a good day. And I’m off work tomorrow so I’ll be taking my little one to the school we visited over the weekend to see if she can be enrolled there/how she feels about it.
I hope everyone is having a great day/night 
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Day 17 
rubbish nights sleep, mind racing alot. Up early so i can crack on with work . Going to get the gym this week 
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Day 92 still sober
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I am sorry it is do hard, just wanted to empathise as I was feeling the same. Having to unexpectedly flea bomb the house in a 10 minute break between activities nearly broke me! Are you able to carve out some time for you. I had a 3 hour nap on Sunday (crazy!) but it really helped reset me. Sending peace.
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@GenG so glad you have a supportive GP, really helps. Sounds like you are doing really well.
@Scorpn congratulations on 9 months and the new job. I remember going back to work and absolutely loving the breaks. I am still really protective over them now. Good luck looking at the new school.
Day 7 checking in (that has gone quick). Really pleased with my progress. Something was missing last time and was just relying on willpower. Working really hard at it now. Have completely broken up my previous nightly rituals by going to the gym/for a run and that is really effective. Have even been in the shops at the danger times after the gym (around 8pm) and not had cravings 
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Checkin in sober - Day 1
Fuch alcohol! 
Much love 
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Day 591
I’m here, I’m sober, my life is good, I have a lot to be thankful for and I am.
Had a dream and was visited by my angel baby Kaitlyn last night. She would have been 12 on 28th June but she was too pure for this world and taken from us the day she arrived.
Nights like this hurt, more than you could know unless you’ve lost a child. However, she came and gave me the gift of inner peace last night. I’ve been hurting, short tempered and angry the last couple of weeks for no reason, nothing had gone wrong, nothing had changed I was just snappy and irritable.
Today I awoke in tears but the anger was gone. My angel took it from me, so today I am going to make the most of the peace within.
I am back to the gym. I’m going to make sure I’m ready to compete in 5 weeks. Still not cleared by the doctor or physio but I know my body and how it feels. It feels good, you don’t change if you stay still so I am moving forward.
I am sending love, strength and peace to you all today.
I apologise to those who I haven’t been there to help.
@Scorpn thank you lovely lady, I’m glad to be here and glad you’re here too!
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Day 45:
Away for work tonight and tomorrow. The last time I was at this lodge, I had a bottle of red in the spa bath.
This time I just took myself, then downed water afterwards. Sooo much better!!!
I was the last guest to check in and whilst doing so, had a chat to the manager as he was asking about my day. Told him I worked, then drove here, then work again tomorrow and drive back, then working through until Monday. He upgraded me to the spa bath suite so I could relax.
All these amazing things happening since giving up the drink. I made the right choice for sure.
Also got complimented 2x today on how I don’t look my age.
Happy days!
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I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you have felt for these 12 years 
It’s so nice to have this connection with her! I sometimes think of my angel baby and feel that inner peace and calmness wash over me.
No, you have to take time to prioritize yourself too. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking a step back when you need it is good.
Lots of to you
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I am so sorry for your loss, that was heartbreaking to read. I can’t even imagine the loss, and feeling like a piece of you is missing. I am so glad you had that experience and feel a peace today.
Good luck in the gym, what are you competing in?
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Nothing stops the pain, you know that as much as I do but this feeling is something that I wish I could bottle and sell, it would make the world a much better place. It is the most serene feeling I know and I’m going to make the most of it.
I know what you are saying, honestly though my cup was not empty, it never is, unfortunately I was so angry within that I just didn’t want to give because I felt I wasn’t receiving. Sometimes we have to be selfish but being selfless is fulfilling and helping others helps me reflect on myself too. When I speak to others I feel I have to take my own advice. If you don’t believe in your own product nobody will buy it.
@JennyH i’m competing in the European Karate Championships. I was a multiple time British and European champion at under 18 and 2x British Champion aged 19 & 21 but stopped competing when my wife fell pregnant with my twins so my time invested in my children has helped them earn their own black belts, now they are competing themselves. So now I qualify for the veterans due to my age and I decided to go for it again myself. First time in 20 years I’ve competed at this level so I need to be on it!
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Oh wow, amazing! Love how your twins have also taken it on too.
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Yeah, all my kids took on martial arts, i kept my registration as a qualified instructor etc and kept grading myself, as well as attending required courses and commitment levels so I could teach them and be awarded my additional Dans for services to karate etc so I’m now a 6th Dan.
However, I affiliated my kids to a different organisation so their gradings were impartial.
My twins are 2nd Dan Black belts and my 13.5yr old will take his 2nd Dan at 16 when he’s eligible under the English Karate Governing Body Guidelines as well. My youngest just got her 1st Dan black belt in May just after turning 11.
The twins are competing in their first tournament as adults having done well as under 18’s, the younger 2 aren’t wanting to compete on a national circuit yet, they have won some local tournaments but want to wait a little while before they compete at the next level.
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What a brilliant thing to share as a family!
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Hey all, checking in on day 1122. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Sending it right back to you. 
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