Happy one year anniversary!! @chey.o
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69 what a good day to be sober
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Congratulations 
indeed, never again!
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@chey.o But you are not that person anymore. Take comfort in that, and my sincere congratulations
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That is such a hard burden to bear. My deepest condolences.
Fyi, my kids do karate too. They started late and are only orange belts. But it had been really good for my son with ADHD. I hope he keeps it up even when he starts high school.
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Congrats on your 1 year of sobriety
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Day 48. Iām feeling really excited and just outgoing and uplifting. So I got off the phone with dss yesterday and they said they will only pay 339 a month for mhab and will not grant me pna at all so I wouldnāt be able to pay the rest. My mom graciously decided sheās going to pay the remaining amount for me and plus is going to to help me with the security deposit with what I have saved up. Once I get my college refund check I will use that to pay for mhab too, but I feel bad my mom is doing that for me. Sheās doing it bc she doesnāt want me home tho so I guess itās a good thing right? Idk Iām not sure how to feel about that particularly, is that enabling? I mean Iām not using and Iām going to be focusing on college so its for good things but part of me feels itās my responsibility. Idk much love I am excited tho bc it means Iāll be able to be on my own soon
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Day 13. Trying to fight my ādefaultā settings. I can either plan my day with focus and specific tasks, or my default settings will take over and itās lazy city with mindless clicking/selfish behavior/nothing accomplished. Its either one or the other with me. The inner struggle/war is real. My selfish nature is pretty relentless. I have to fight hard every day just to be āpresentā or not focused just on me. Everyoneās got a fight and this is my struggle hour by hour. Have a great day everyone!
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Checking in. Day 276
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Hey guys just checking in. Been busy, havenāt posted in a while but someone reminded me I should, Thanks @Juli1 
. Still out of work with a shoulder injury for a few weeks, but doing a lot of PT and seems like itās getting better. Me and the wife are taking two of the kids down the shore for a couple days, one last trip together before they leave for college. Gonna be weird with just us 2 in the house, hasnāt been that way in forever. Anyways you all are doing great. Iāll try and check in more often . 
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I hope your children keep up with it. Itās a great sport for self discipline, self respect, self confidence and self defence. Let them know it might get hard but the feeling of achievement gets bigger the more you do.
Every journey of a thousand miles starts with one step and all they need to progress is to keep going forward.
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Heyyoo checking in on day 760 from my āofficeā this morning!
Have a lovely day, friends. And congratulations @chey.o! 
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Ah man i am so very sorry for your loss. I canāt even imagine the hurt and pain you are and have been experiencing. What a lovely
What an amazing gift. I am grateful that you are feeling lighter today. Anger can be such a nasty sickness. She has freed you and for that i am grateful.
Super impressive that you and your kids are all into Karate and doing so well. What an amazing activity for the family to be involved in. I had to give it up due to moving around and tried to get back into it 10 years ago but will definitely try again ā I agree that the martial arts are great for " self discipline, self respect, self confidence and self defense". Do take it easy at the gym - want to make sure your body heals well.
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Grateful to have you here @JazzyS 
Kick boxing for me. But can be any martial artsā¦ Great for motivation, stress release, fun, meeting people, confidence & self defenceā¦ But Iām still amateur 
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@mira_d how are you doing
I do hope that you are able to sit back and relax and enjoy your vacation time. Sending strength your way. Grateful hat you did not listen to the inner voice wanting just that one drink. Hereās to another 24!
@geng love that your GP is so great and actually there for you. You are impressive my friend ā day 10 today- yeah to double digits! Take it easy with med changes and sobriety! Keep your strength.
@scorpn 9 months is amazing work. Cigarettes are hard to quit especially when you have a pack open ā I would suggest throwing them away. Have you ever tried clove or cbd/hemp cigs? Both are super nasty imo and the cbd were harsh on my throat. I had forgotten that I used these when the urges came up and tried and couldnāt even get through 1 ā my mind now goes to that taste and feeling when I try to think of how great smoking was.
@jennyh wow ā Day 7!!! Welcome to one week free of alcohol. Super impressed with your new nightly rituals and change in attitude. Keep showing up for yourself!
@sobermedic Sobe living is AWESOME! SO lovely that you were upgraded to a spa bath suite ā hope you had a very relaxing experience.
@anon53116147 SO excited for you my friend. This is fantastic news. Your mom knows what she is doing. She was not willing to help out in the past financially and is now because she sees the changes in you ā see how much you have grown and all the effort you are putting in. We all need a hand sometimes and it is not shameful to accept. I am thrilled that you were able to keep a positive attitude with all that life was sending your way and now things are starting to work out. Take a minute to be proud of yourself!
@SelfLove_42 Like with any struggle we have to take it slow and like you said one hour at a time if that is whatās necessary. Yeah to 13 days winning this battle to stay sober! Early on ā I played so many games on my phone, watched so much mindless tv and whatever else to keep my mind from thinking about the urges. It does get easier my friend. Be kind to yourself and keep fighting the good fight. WE are here for you on your journey.
@icebear ā you always have to the best āofficeā spots. Have a great day at work ā hope you are dong much better today!
@1in8billion Thanks love ā grateful to be on this journey with you as well. Oh yes ā kick boxing was one of my favorites ā I do hope you enjoy and totally get that lovely release of tension. We all have to start somewhere ā I can see the passion in your words ā youāll be a pro soon enough ā like anything else ā enjoy the journey!
Checking in on Tuesday morningā¦
Itās 12:12 here (my fav #ā2 lol) ā got a lot done but feel like I havenāt really started the day 
- just my mindset that needs a little tweeking.
I am urge free and feeling a little energized so will try to do some light stretches and doc recommended possible tai chi (hope this will not add to the swelling but will shall see) ā¦i am looking forward to testing the boundaries with my body/mind today. Have a fantastic Tuesday my sober friends - sending much love 
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Oh my, hard feelings today. Picked up a drink, and poured out the 2nd one. I did not feel like taking it any further. The switch is there and connection to trauma is there, but I am still unsure how to approach the trigger.
I am wondering if anyone here has any words from earlh sobriety/non-drinking days (outside of going to AA meetings. Not saying that I am not open to peoples input from AA, but I am exploring other ways also) that helped them get the ball rolling and if anyone has experiences also around trauma and triggers, I would be grateful as well. I have learned ao much about myself in these past few weeks, I feel like all my layers are peeling back and also like I am raw raw raw. Being here in this place where the memories of my sister cannot be avoided - again, thinking of her amd feeling these tjings doesnt trigger me straight away to a feeling of āI need a drinkā, but there is a connection around the trauma and hours later thinkingā¦fuck it.
I feel such deep deep shame, guilt and just a lack of trust/confidence in myself. It doesnt matter if I have 1 or 6, the feeling of just self shaming does take over. I have had some major epiphanies over these past frw weeks, and now I know that action is what had to followā¦of course there will be triggers & cravings, or that fuck it thought bit the daily routine in my tool belg will help me & so will having some help around the triggers/traumaā¦I dont want to make excuses/reasons to drinkā¦I know that part of me is trying to help, but I wish it would fuck off already. It is hard to admit that I am wounded, and I want to heal and stop punishing myself.
Anyway, i wanted to just get on here and be honest. I need to learn that this doesny need to be about shaming or guilt, and yet I do not understand that around my mistake. I have never thought of myself as a perfectionist, because in many ways i laid backā¦but no, when it comes to me I expect myself to be nothing less then perfect - perfect mom, perfect wife/partner, perfect daughter. I have JUST learned this abput me, just learned last year that I am an HSP (a personality trait that is sensitive to sensory input) and that no npt everythong about my personality is attributed to anxiety/needs to be fixed. I have just acknowledged the trauma around my sisters murder, the codependency I have with my mom and my need to take care of her (i thought this was entirely normal), why i acted out as a teenager and also piecing together all of these things about my brother-in-law who I did love (even if I sidnt like his behavipur in the end), killing my sister. I am in information overload maybe, but it is truly mind blowing to me how at this ripe age Im still learning about me.
Anyway, if anypne has any recpmmends on putting tpgether the first 30 days or so, & anything specifcially with dealing with the trauma/addiction cycle in the early days/getting through those triggers I would deeply appreciate any/all feedback. Going to put myself together a little 30 day rpugine to start me off for my mental health, and see hpw I can carry that forward. Any thoughts are appreciated. Xo.
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Oh my beautiful friend - 
I just want to hug and console the inner and outer you!
Oh love -im so sorry that you are experiencing all these feelings and being faced with the trauma of your sisters passing. I just want to say that you are one remarkable woman! You do not have to carry on a strong front for everyone.
For me the first 30 days i did whatever i could to keep my mind occupied and free of thinking about the urges. I did a lot of deep breathing, mediations and prayers. This really helped me get through the initial stages.
You have experienced a lot trauma in the past and most recently. Hopefully others may have more ideas of how to deal with this - I would recommend either one on one or group therapy? Possible go to a grief support group. I do love how open you are here - the more you write it out and let it out the less power it has over you.
Sending you loads of love, comfort and strength!!! we are here for you love 
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Awe thanks Billy - right back at you love! Love this amazing community and the overpouring support here. We make an amazing team!
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24- checking in sober, mentally and spiritually feeling amazing! Just warning to make this quick before I runoff and go fishing with my amazing granddaughter. Many thanks and much love to everyone
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