Another hangover free morning. Sleeping is starting to level out a bit more now.
And feelings of an alcohol free life is a real possibility.
Not one drop.
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Day 
So my random Bible readings hit with full force this timeā¦
Itās hard to go into details with modes that are more explainable as āāāstatesāā and are experienced in the exact moment by the exact person and are better described as personal experience ///\\ But I will try to share and I believe some of You here had the similar experiences and can relate to this. Anyway I am using this lately as a personal diary / personal scan / it really helps to understand myself / learn from others / share / take care / and the feeling of union / be united / having similar goals - I believe there is no better platform for this than TS.
Thank You all for being here 
Here is my latest random message I got when I was planning to buy a bottle Rum with a big X logo on it / drink it up / and then savor it as my last drink trophy.
Deeply in my heart I understood that there is something really wrong about this / and I prayed / then felt asleep / then prayed more and opened the Bible / and there is a big X in front of my eyes / here is the exact readings:
[ā¦]
6These things happened as a warning to us, so that we would not crave evil things as they did, 7or worship idols as some of them did. As the Scriptures say, āThe people celebrated with feasting and drinking, and they indulged in pagan revelry.ā 8And we must not engage in sexual immorality as some of them did, causing 23,000 of them to die in one day.
9Nor should we put Christ to the test, as some of them did and then died from snakebites. 10And donāt grumble as some of them did, and then were destroyed by the angel of death. 11These things happened to them as examples for us. They were written down to warn us who live at the end of the age.
12If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. 13The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
14So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols. 15You are reasonable people. Decide for yourselves if what I am saying is true. 16When we bless the cup at the Lordās Table, arenāt we sharing in the blood of Christ? And when we break the bread, arenāt we sharing in the body of Christ? 17And though we are many, we all eat from one loaf of bread, showing that we are one body. 18Think about the people of Israel. Werenāt they united by eating the sacrifices at the altar?
19What am I trying to say? Am I saying that food offered to idols has some significance, or that idols are real gods? 20No, not at all. I am saying that these sacrifices are offered to demons, not to God. And I donāt want you to participate with demons.
21You cannot drink from the cup of the Lord and from the cup of demons, too.
[ā¦]
{Now this part in my Bible is translated differently in my language and it is really hard to convey the same effect, but it hit really strong - in my weakest point - or as I say my āāstrongestāā - my Will}
"Everything is a will!" But not everything is useful! āEverything is a will!ā But not everything educates!
{itās like I can do it on my own, but will it be useful? ; I can do it on my own, but will I learn something?}
[ā¦]
1 CORINTHIANS 11
1Follow my example, just like I follow Christās.
[ā¦]
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Thank you!
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Checking inā¦ yesterday was HARD. It would have been me and my exās 10 year anniversary 
I didnāt think it would hit me the way it did but oh boyā¦had my emotions all over the place yesterdayā¦ not to mention Iāve had an old high school crush come out of the wood work and weāve been talking only to find out sheās engaged and not happy and has been sneaking around to talk to me and I found that out tooā¦ thatās a big no for meā¦ Iām too old for that shit and definitely not a home wreckerā¦ wouldnāt want that done to me and Iām not doing it flat outā¦ ugh why does life seem so unfair sometimes!!!??? Todays a new day but yesterday was a reminder that Iām still a work in progress and not as strong and healed as I thought I wasā¦ not even close! So today, Iām reflecting and resetting EVERYTHINGā¦new game plan, new goalsā¦new visionā¦ im going to keep on moving forward and bettering myself ODAAT!!! I need to be more active here but itās just hard for me because sometimes this platform of support is very triggering and doesnāt helpā¦ but Iād say 98% of it is a positive platform for me to help recover and maintain my sobrietyā¦ itās time I start getting out and doing things that make me happy instead of just burying my head in work acting like nothings wrongā¦ itās ok that Iām not ok and I need to embrace that and grow and learn from thatā¦ love you guys and hope everyone is doing well todayā¦ thank you all for your support so farā¦day 161ā¦ still soberā¦ no relapses so Iām super proud of that!!!
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Things may be complex but you seem to have a really sensible view of the world. 
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Hi. Just checking in. Day 16. Going to the Pride parade today and itās going to be hoooooot. My work is going to be in the parade. And someone from my past is going to come March with us. And I have to figure out the logistics of getting there and back. Anyway I really would prefer not to put out all of the mental & physical energy that will be required to go through this day right now. But I canāt bail for a few reasons. So hopefully itās a great time. And I get home in time to have a nice rest before the work week starts. Have a good day everyone!
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I struggle with social stuff but find the anticipation is often a lot worse than the reality. Have a lovely day at Pride!!! 
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Iām on day 5.60
Iām exosted. I feel like pot could help but it could pave the day for a disaster. And pluse this is completely normal because I couldnāt sleep last night. I fell asleep solid at 3 in the morning. I was tossing and turning and then eventually got a cough. I hate sleepy time coughs. I go into work at 1 in the afternoon today. Iām just going to relax till then. I definitely donāt need pot. I have very solid priorities.
Iām going to take my prescribed meds and relax now
More later
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Make that āwouldā. Hang in there friend. No pot. Good youāre here. Weāre in this together.
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Day 4: no grazing
Day 26: no credit cards
Day 714: no pills
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Day 1403 alcohol free
Day 2 disordered eating
I have realized that I am not doing the things I ask my sponsees to do with my own sponsor. So I am putting it out there that I am going to follow my own advice.
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I am so sorry that you are struggling right now friend. Are you able to reach out and talk with someone in real life like a good friend or jump on a on line meeting? I realize taking meds can be off putting and a bit scary but you are still able to meet up with a therapist without having medications being prescribed. Sorry that you sprained your ankle ā I do hope that you heal quickly so you can get back to your daily walks. Are you able to do anything else like meditation or seated yoga?
Please do speak with someone soon as I can imagine the fallout of not doing so could be very unpleasant.
Sending healing and positivity vibes your way my friend.
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I just wanted to say I made it out and on my way to work 100% sober
I took my prescribed meds and just cuddled the wifey be4 I left
While I was laying I got a powerful sensation of happiness I didnāt pick up
Damn sobriety is so worth it
Iām happy Iām here with the amazing community
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Iām glad youāre here with all of us. Weāre in this together friend. Have a good work day. 100% sober.
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Day 53. Idk I guess Iām letting my friends wedding get to me more then I would like, just seeing pics on fb makes me wish I would of been there, but why? Nothing good probably would of came from it. I saw all the people Iāve used with there, and I caught myself wondering how nobody knows that the one guy sells drugs or that my friend is using the drugs, but everyone somehow managed to know I always was. Idk why Iām letting it get to me but definitely need to redirect this thinking. Iām on to bigger and better things. @JazzyS thank you for your positive words. And yes I am thinking of selling my machine, soon I really wonāt have the place to tattoo and idk Iāll be to focused on school. Not sure what to do, I love my art and all that but yeah idk. Much love everyone
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Well done! Keep it up.
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@misokatsu so sorry that you are dealing with pain and heat. I do try to keep a bowl / bucket /small tub of ice water on hand for my face and one for my feet ā I find that a quick dunk helps rejuvenate my body and regulate the temp. Sending you comforting cooling vibes and I do hope you find some relief from it all very soon. Iāve been doing body tapping for whole body circulation - not sure if something you can do (depends on your pain and comfort level).
@mno thank you for sharing the beautiful picture ā what a lovely depiction of the āsilent struggleā ā I can sense it!
Oh I do relate to this and I know many others do as well. I am finding that the longer I go without the easier it is to not romanticize the effects of alcohol (I really thought it would be the opposite) ā I do think that reading here daily has also helped diminish my loving thoughts towards drinking. We are not missing out ā still able to pour a nice sparkling water or a kombucha (I do use a wine glass still) and turn on your favorite tunes and dance while cooking / eating etc ā best is that you will remember the whole experience and have no lingering negative effects. Sending you strength my friend ā rewire the thoughts cause pouring wine is not āclassā ā that is what society has tried to push as a definition.
@2jtravnz WOOT WOOT! Congrats on your 300 days of sobriety!
I woudnāt worry about it too much love ā you are making great progress and you have a few classes left yet ā still time to make connections. Just grateful that you did get out to class and had an awesome time. Hope the migraine goes away soon for you.
@Sissychris39 Oh love that is a horrific way to start the day ā I am so sorry. I do hope you are feeling a bit better now and not so anxious. Totally acceptable to close down the app if that is the distance you require at the moment. We all heal in different ways and timelines. Do you have someone to talk to irl to deal with the emotions that seeing his name might have stirred up? You were going to the app to start promote something for yourself- that is exciting. When you are ready ā can you just block him and any others so that you can move forward with the positivity that you have been carrying so far? He is in the past (not sure how recent this is but do know that he canāt hurt you anymore). We are here for you ā loads of love my friend.
Love this and do agree 100% - we canāt keep filling ourselves with poison and expect to find enlightenment and peace ā they canāt exist where there is nothing but darkness.
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Youāre right. I havenāt been able to focus on myself as much. Iāve been comparing myself to others progress and feeling rejected by someone. Today Iām taking the day to myself. No work, no kid. Iām sitting in the sun and going to meditate, pray and read. Iāve done some outreach and talked to my sponsor today. Iām struggling with a lot of self hatred and jelousy. I did a Resentment inventory on myself and the other person. I pray these feelings pass soonā¦
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Thank you! I have been trying to find in person meetings for things. I found OA. Unfortunately SLAA isnāt avaliable around me. Iāve looked up and joined some hiking groups on facebook. My sponsor hot back to me. I did some outreach, a couple meetings, but couldnāt focus muchā¦i see a therapist every 2 weeks. Today Iām taking the day to myself to get back on track with my sobriety checklist.
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Billy- this is huge and on track with the sobriety journey. I think that at the beginning we just try to figure out how to be without our DOC. We find new routines, new friends / acquaintances, new hobbies and a lot of the time bury ourselves in work to keep from thinking about our DOC. Now that you are starting to feel more comfortable it is time to enjoy life without your DOC and find the happy balance between work and play. I know that you love hard and that you still have feelings for your ex so the anniversary would be super hard to deal with (9+ years together is a long time). I think you do need to feel the feelings but know you are in a better place now. I am very sorry that your old crush came back into your life in such a manner. It might have just been the nudge you needed to find this new game plan (looking for the positive in this situation). You are doing fantastic ā super proud of your 161 days!
@genf I do hope you are able to find a place to sneak off to if the outing gets to be too much. Sending you the best of luck today and I do hope you have a wonderful time.
@anon53116147 itās hard with facebook and other social media ā just turn that off ā you are in a much better place now and Iām grateful that you were not able to hide it when you were using (you wouldnāt be here getting better). AAH ā I do know you were thinking of giving up the tattoo bit a while back but with your recent art work I thought maybe you had changed your mind. No harm in selling now and focusing on your school ā you can always get a another machine down the line when you are ready to jump back into it. Deep breathes my friend and have a great Sunday
@mewmcmew Iām grateful to read your post. I do hope that you are able to get out with the hiking groups and at least get some support from the OA meeting. I do hope that the meditation today will help you sort through the feelings you are experiencing with this other person. Relax and enjoy the day to yourself! Much love my friend ā we are your virtual support team.
Checking in on Sunday afternoon
I am moving around but embracing the lazy Sunday attitude. It is too muggy outside and the air quality is shit so another indoors day. I am doing more self care and working through my ailments. A lovely day to be alive - wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free Sunday - sending much love my sober friendsā¦
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