Day 942,
Checking in, received my intake date for the diagnostic centre. Mixed feelings. What has to be done has to be done.
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A new dawn on day 135 AF
Thanks to @Mno @Misokatsu @JazzyS @JennyH for some very kind words and much needed hugs yesterday.
Can’t pretend that I’m in a happy mood today, but I can’t change the facts. Luckily the job loss will not push me into financial hardship. My other half commented “it’s probably a good thing”
Yeah, maybe it was a long time coming. Nevertheless, I feel my ego got an undeserved beating and is now rather bruised.
I still have a volunteer role for a really good cause, where I like to give some hours to. Sadly we will break up for summer holidays after this weeks volunteer meeting, but still it’s something to look forward to to resume in autumn. And it does give me a sense of purpose and a community that makes me feel welcomed and valued.
Good things end for better things to happen
Let’s see what happens over the summer.
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And because of this we manage to get through all the rest.
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 7.
A good day, small rays of sunshine is coming through the couples today.
Taking a break from the bedroom renovation to try and get some organization in all the items I had to move out from the bedroom so I’ll be able to use both the bedroom and the office properly again.
Nothing else to report.
Wishing y’all a great day. 
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Day 25 
Sleep still a bit erratic but mood ok
I think i am slowly processing where i am mentally and my aspirations. Alcohol is akin to poison for me. Best away from it permanently.
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Day 20. Things are better now. I am lucky I did not drink. I had quite a few incidents, when I was very very close to drinking.
My wife is very supportive. Without her, I would have been dead a long time ago - both of us admit that quite openly. She hates my drinking and will do anything possible to help me stay off alcohol. The situation was very bad but she was a huge help.
I came very close to relapsing. On Saturday, I attended a Zoom meeting with two other people from this forum. That saved me from relapsing that day.
I saw a message on this forum about a Zoom meeting and decided to join. A few minutes before that, I was just about to go out and get myself a bottle of Whisky (even though I have a busted ankle and can barely walk). I was in a very bad mess. At around DEFCON 2.
The Zoom meeting helped. We talked about random things. I felt safe enough after a bit, to share a little. It was very helpful. If anyone of you people who were in the meeting are reading this, thank you so much. You stopped me from drinking or doing something idiotic that day.
I fell down quite badly and made my sprained ankle worse. So morning and evening walks are not in my immediate future. I miss my walks so much.
CPTSD is so difficult on other people. I told my wife about my problems long before we got married, many many years ago. She still married me.
When I ask her now after so many years or marriage, whether she would have still married me, if she knew the true intensity of the problem - her answer is an immediate and firm NO 
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Hey all, checking in on day 1130. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Beautifully said, thank you 
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Thinking of you @Pagan, well done on making a better choice. That “no” must have been hard to hear 
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I’m so sorry you’re struggling with the inflammation and that your doctors can’t figure it out. You are doing really well staying positive amd sober through it. It all sounds beyond frustrating.
In the end, I didn’t text my therapist, I just waited it out. Today things are better. I feel ok, and my energy levels have gone up. I really need to stick to coffee and avoid energy drinks. They suck the life outta me.
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Hello all,
Checking in on Day 1,817 Sober.
God Bless!
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Day 3 Yesterday I felt great and had a pretty good day other than having to get after two guys on my crew for sitting on their asses while everyone else was working. However last night I felt terrible I got sick twice and woke up this morning feeling like crap I think I may have gotten to hot yesterday and have a little heat fatigue. Other than that I think I been doind well the urge to drink really hits me when I get home from work I am so use to going straight for the whiskey or beer as soon as I walk in the door. I have been instead settling for ice tea. Just trying to take it one day at a time
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Thanks girl, yes I just had a doctor appointment about a week ago or so for it. She said there is nothing in my blood work that would indicate accesive weight gain. My a1c was good, glucose was good, liver was good, everything even my testosterone was back to normal. She said it might be my abilify medicine, but we took me off that and I still gained weight. But now my psychiatrist it trying me on vraylar instead. Also my thyroid was good as well. I’m hoping it’s just from weight lifting like you said
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Day 25, half way through worked 7.40.am to 1.30pm, will do more work this evening. Working flexibly is a blessing for me
Feeling very positive, sad in only one respect and thats my children haven’t come down to Cornwall in three years. But maybe it will just take time parents getting divorced during covid must have been hard all round
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@dmcg1987 well done on your triple digits!
@rob11 that’s lovely Rob – a step forward towards healing. I’m sure you are experiencing many mixed feelings but know that this is for your betterment. Wishing you all the luck!
Oh that’s lovely! Glad that you do have something to look forward to. It’s completely understandable to feel hurt but do know that losing the job in no way defines you. Love the bold caption – repeat that as it is so very true.
@pagan oh man I am so sorry that you have hurt your ankle further – please take care of yourself – I know you miss the walks but you need to heal properly so that you can enjoy them (hopefully soon). So grateful that you saw the link to the zoom meeting and joined in. What a blessing that this interaction kept you from back sliding and calmed you down from DEFCON 2. This community it beyond amazing. I do hope you know that if you are ever in such dire mood you are welcome to just type “HELP” as your check in and we will be here to support you. Grateful that your wife is supportive of you! The important this is that she is with you now and she cares for you deeply – you are in this together and you are showing up for yourself every day! This is amazing and you should be proud – 3 weeks tomorrow my friend.
@amy30 thanks Amy – appreciate hearing that – it is frustrating but I am trying to focus on the positives and heal. Yeah to things being better – lets keep that energy going together. I am not much for energy drinks but can see how they could make you crash hard (probably mess with you emotionally too) – glad that you were able to self-diagnose. Coffee is my go to pick me up. I have had to cut down on it but thankfully haven’t had to cut it out completely (I’m sure all those around me are grateful – lol).
@soberbilly thank you Billy – I do appreciate that so much! Love compassion meditation
@chase.e.u oh I’m so sorry that you were ill from the heat fatigue – that is awful. I do hope you stay hydrated and take care of yourself today. Well done on with day 3! Baby steps my friend – ODAAT
@anon53116147 oh good to know – It could definitely be the muscle building. Also – look into the medication. Grateful that your liver, thyroid A1c, glucose and testosterone are all good! That is amazing.
@timetochange Grateful that you are feeling positive and at day 25! Divorce is hard to begin with but during covid with all the isolation it is amplified. Don’t give up hope - keep working on you and i’m sure it will all work out.
Checking in on Wednesday morning
I’m here and sober - i did not get much sleep last night and my eyes are burning because of it so will try some warm compress to help soothe them. It’s a beautiful sunny day with good air quality so will be trying to soak in some sun before it gets hot. Have a wonderful addiction free day my friends – sending much love
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Tonight off to see mission impossible 7👍
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Thank you. The divorce was a horrible process which my children didn’t see alot of whst their mum was doing but they did see me relocating a long distance away. Had v little choice of staying local as it went so vile and toxic
Onwards and upwards
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This is my first time posting on this string. I’m so grateful for the support this community offers. Today I’m having a much needed procedure on my back that will hopefully eliminate the pain I’ve been in for almost 9 months. I’m hopeful it will allow me to return to the gym. I find working out a great stress reliever. Fingers crossed. 
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