I was at a big cousinhood last week-end, the wine was everywhere, all the adults were drunk pretty much all day. Anyway. At the end of the last evening party, two teenagers (14 and 15) came to me and told me: “you know what is cool with you Pat ? We know that we can come at the end of the party and talk to you, you will act normal. And we know we can count on you”.
I was so proud 
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Thank you so much. 
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Thank you
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That is a sweet story!! Big congrats!!
I am proud of you! You did this for your self and for those around you who know they can count on you!! Yay!!
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Thanks @JazzyS for the support. Right now I am a mix of confusing emotions. Cravings, irritability, restlessness. Throw in a long history of impulsive bad decisions and mental illness.
Next time I need urgent help, I will try to remember to reach out on this forum. People are nice here.
The problem is that, when a CPTSD related incident occurs, rationality and logic go out of the window. Meds help a bit, but they make me feel like a zombie among many other negative effects.
When I take my prescription pills, I need to drink a gazillion cups of coffee to stay awake. Dizzy spells. Blackouts. That sort of thing.
Prolonged trauma permanently changes parts of the brain. Very important parts of the brain. Treatment has limited success. Meds just help me wear a mask of sanity.
I try not to get triggered but at times it is inevitable. Self control has gotten better over the years, but I am still very far from “normal”.
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Day 101 checking in
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Merci beaucoup Alisa !
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Checking in start of day 4. Took the wife out for a date night last night its the first one in a long time it was great we had actual conversations without our phones definitely going to become a weekly thing. However after dinner I got sick again for the second night in a row. The night before I thought maybe it was from heat exhaustion but yesterday wasnt overly hot so I am thinking it has something to do with not drinking. I also had some weird ass dreams all about drinking. Anways I am just going to not drink today keeping it one day at a time
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Day 943,
Did stay at my parents place last night, bit for safety reasons. Not ideal but it is what it is. A lot on my mind with the diagnostic treatment coming up. This afternoon my son comes to visit and we will be going the the movie Oppenheimer. The reviews are quite good.
Have a nice day🙏
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Day 292
I’m off to a date in 20 minutes 
Well I’m not as nervous as the last time (different guy this time).
He seems to be nice and down to earth. But you never know, right?
Crossing fingers 
Besides that I feel very good, no cravings or thoughts about alcohol. Weight is slowly going down due to consistent training, good food and enough sleep.
I decluttered my apartment…ok, I’m still right in haha, need to finally get rid of some clothes that will never fit me again.
Okay, time to get out there. Wish me luck 
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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@KevinesKay thank you so much!!! I am also really happy to see your progress. Each day clean is such a blessing and a step towards freedom
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Hey all, checking in on day 1131. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 8: no grazing
Day 10: no shopping spree; MILESTONE
Day 30: no credit cards; MILESTONE
Day 718: no pills
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This has been through sober and times of using. My husband is polyamorous and at first (while sober) I thought I could do it, i thought it would be cool… this has been going on for 5 years… in those 5 years I’ve masked and numbed with using ( first occasional then every day all day) turning sober again has me thinking and reevaluating my choices.
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Checking in day 5
After another night of very little sleep I was feeling sorry for myself upto 11 o clock this morning but I had set myself a few things to do today last night before i went to sleep.
I managed to pull myself together get up made a few phone calls and enquirys I had to make cut the grass cleaned the back yard and then tidyied the house and had a hour or so of self reflection.
Have been chatting to a friend I’ve made at AA for a while and I am not relaxing reading waiting for the Mrs to finish work to order a takeaway and rent the new flash movie.
Very happy with how today went compared to the last 4 days I have been very flat and feeling withered…
I hope everybody else is doing good today and a big shout to my food friend @JazzyS who has been brilliant since I have joined here 
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That must be tough on you, have you told him that you cannot cope with his polyamory? If not then do it, let him know you should be exclusive and the impact it’s having on you. I suspect you have from how you have worded your reply, however If not then I encourage you to do so and prepare yourself for any eventual answer you get.
You are priceless, you should be his only and you are his wife so it should be you, you and only you.
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Very well said. Dont even give yourself a chance to get started in the first place. That’s my daily challenge. Appreciate the kind words always!
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Hi, Sophia,
I’m sorry you are having such experiences with your family. I think many families are complicated. I come from a very messed up chaotic family. Alcoholic father, other had to work to pay bills, kids raised ourselves.(there were seven of us) . At one point , 3 of the seven were serving in the military and gone, my mother divorced my father, and she and the remaining four of us at ages 17,13,10, and 8, moved very far away. We left everything behind, including dear friends, our schools, our church, our extended family. It was a difficult adjustment, but it was worth it. We learned so much! In the end, we were better for it. As for the three older siblings, they were shocked at the move, and two of them never got over it, but one did, and he joined us when he finished his service. We kept up correspondent with the other two, and saw them on occasion over the years. I’m writing a long story here, but I just want to offer you some kind of reassurance.
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Checking in on day 25. I’m headed off for a vacation to visit family that I haven’t seen in 10 years. I’m excited, but a bit nervous because not many people in my family know about my alcoholism or sobriety. There’s going to be a lot of honesty and accountability this week!
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Unfortunately it can never be just me. He and his girlfriend have twins together so even if we turned exclusive again there would still be that bolder in the way. We’ve talked about divorce but nobody has actually taken that step plus it would just be to “level” the field. So does that mean I get to date too or would he just get pissy??!! 
I’m a mess!
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