Woke up ridiculously early this morning so went a walk, got home with enough time to make breakfast and chill before getting ready and going to work.
Caffeine has been my best friend the last hour, I’m shattered already 
.
Hell of a lot better than being hungover though that’s for damn sure!
Day 4 of no cocaine, my headache yesterday was worse than it is today. Taking it o e step at a time.
Looking to watch a funny movie to this tracks myself
Day 1: no shopping spree
Day 4: no grazing
Day 36: no credit cards
Day 724: no pills
Day 5,48
I managed craving with a trick.
Didn’t take my moneybag with me to the swim.
Just my seasons card and drivers license 
Now in dressing room after a nice 2000m workout…
No possibility to buy anything on way back!
No cravings.
Silent voices.
Soft thoughts.
Lot of them.
No loud addictive mind anymore.
Love… Oh Love!
Oh Love. 
Hi Wakikki it’s good to see you. I’m curious how you feel about seeing the psychologist earlier? Maybe more contact with a mental health professional can help you some? Just wondering.
Welcome back to your sobriety Dave. May I ask you what’s your plan this time around? Any lessons to be learned from what happened in the last 22 days?
I feel good about going to a psychologist. She make me feel good and I feel ok talking to her. Only thing I keep to myself, is my alcohol problems how severe it actually was. She know I dont drink anymore, because I am exposed to adicction.
Im going to keep going to her, til now we talked about my lifeline. And will start a physical exam and evaluation. Maybe I will figure out whats going on and understand my self.
Thanks for asking 
Hi all, hope you are all having a beautiful day and for those in pain I hope you can take it easy on yourself today. I am holding on to what my late sponsor told me which is “this too shall pass”. The only way to go is through it.
I am checking in after a very emotional morning/afternoon. The death of my sister has brought out some big family issues, and it has been difficult to go through old patterns in real time. I am learning too that accepting people, and forgiving and letting live sometimes is not enough. I have been in fear I think of addressing issues as not wanting to cause problems, be shut out and afraid of the response. I think my “worst” fears are being realized now, and it is difficult but also very telling. These patterns are not old, they are just patterns and setting boundaries and talking about things is very hard. One family member is open to talking, and for me is not about being right or wrong, but that it is okay I say how I have been hurt. This is all very painful stuff, and I had done work on family before and tried to live in acceptance but again I have a different perspective now. Its okay to have these boundaries, its okay to address when people hurt you and then…what I am trying to do is let go. People can be very unhealthy, amd it isnt always in our best interest to accept them as they are when it is at our expense. I am trying something that I havent really tried befoee, but it is praying for those I have a resentment for. I am sure I have heard this be suggested to me over the years, but I read another member on here did that for 30 days witj a resentment and they prayed for the person. I just thank you very much for sharing that, as it I think is all I can do at this point.
No emotional turmoil is worth drinking over. It does feel scary for me to have touched some deep emotions, because within a day or so of touching things I tend to reach for a drink rather non-chalantly. I have spoken to those close to me about it, and I am going to gi spend some time in my veggie garden and pray. I really fewl so much strength in getting to read all of your posts, and have this space to share. I am really trying to do the work and heal, though I realize that I scramble witj not knowing what to do first. Keep It Simple. Back to Basics. Just do not drink today, sit with the feelings and be grateful for the hard ones (and grateful for the hard talks), and take things one step at a time.
Much love to you all today. Xo.
Day 1039 and a half, lol.
Had a good morning with meditation, getting a few chores done, and doing some reading on here. Another mediocre feeling day, but I am blessed to be realigning myself with active sobriety again instead of passive. Working on getting the courage up for sending out more job applications. Took a small step in exercising again, I know this will help my mental and physical health so much, always hard to get started. Crazy to remember how fit I used to be even during much of my addiction lol. Contemplating on quitting nicotine again soon, what a tough habit, now I know I can get daily support and tips here. 
on my way to a Noah Kahan concert I’m so excited
Have fun @SadMemeQueen
Second check in of the day, not quite so positive. I crashed hard earlier, a proper chronic fatigue crash. Fell asleep as soon as I finished work and then had intense guilt for not spending time with my kids. I just couldn’t get out of bed. Cancelled the gym so husband was late home. He has been home a couple of hours and has rescued things a bit, planned dinner etc. I am just so disappointed that I am like this on Day 3 of the holidays. I have resisted self-medicating with wine and had a bath. Hopefully an early night. And this weather is awful, rain again!!!
@lastry Well done Fiona on 16days of sobriety. Do have your go to plan for support / na drinks / activities during your holiday so that you can protect your sobriety. I’ve heard way too many stories of losing sobriety to that “one” drink. Sending strength and hope you have a wonderful relaxing time.
@dmcg1987 I’m sorry you are feeling ill and having to work through it – I do hope that you are home now and resting and hopefully able to take care of yourself so you feel better soon. Sending you healing vibes
@sobermedic HELL Yeah to your 60 days! Well done and keep up the amazing work
@chase.e.u Congrats on your double digits! I do hope that by talking with you your friend is also able to find the strength to choose a path of recovery. Well done my being an inspiration and a motivator.
@dustysprungfield Man the disease is a tricky one – I know the second I let my guard down I’m in trouble. Well done on jumping right back into your recovery. These slip ups remind us that we need to be vigilant and protect our sobriety. Glad to see you here with us – we are stronger together.
@SelfLove_42 WOW – I do love the experiment you have laid for yourself – I do agree that sleep is when we allow our bodies and minds the time it needs to heal so sleep is essential to our recoveries. Sending you strength in keeping to the schedule!
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I’m glad that you are able to see the warning signs ahead of time – are you able to talk this out with anyone (therapist, counsellor…etc)? The mind is an amazing thing and I do think that we can work on re-training it – it does take a lot of work and we can not do it alone. I do hope you are able to find help with this so you do not fall into the dark hole. We are here for you too so please keep talking it out / checking in (that may help give you some relief as well). Much love my friend – you are not alone. Just saw your update – glad you have someone to talk to and hopefully they can help you so you don’t find yourself in the darkness.
@juli1 so proud of you for not giving in to that voice and instead forming a trick to help you protect your sobriety. Way to flex your sober muscles.
@johann117 I do hope that your day becomes brighter as it progresses. Nicotine is a tough habit but you have shown your strength with your sobriety and i know you can do this too. Grumpy A-holes (quitting cigarettes/ nicotine products) is a great thread for some tips and support.
@jennyH so sorry that you crashed - grateful that your husband was able to help with dinner / kids - i do hope that you are able to have a guilt free rest (your body is screaming for it) and gain more energy for tomorrow.
Checking in on Wednesday afternoon
Not much done today as i conserved all my energy to go see a friend for lunch. It was fun to put on makeup and something other than sweats. Made it home in time as - Severe storm is coming through and the sirens are blaring for a tornado watch. Wow - the sky looks amazing! Catching up was great but now super exhausted. I am going to try and move a bit and see what i can accomplish with the rest of the day.
Have a lovely addiction free day my sober friends… sending much love 
Thank you so much. I am going to just take the rest I need right now and not feel guilty.
I feel bad complaining about our boring endless rain when you face such dramatic weather there! I hope the storm isn’t too bad there.
Sounds like you had a lovely lunch, so nice to really make the effort. Hope it didn’t take it out of you too much and you can enjoy the rest of the day too. I always think naps after those lunches are all the sweeter 
thank you - yes, it is weird weather for sure as just an hour ago it was so hot and humid and the sun was brutal - still nothing like the heat they are experiencing in the south… i think we are all having some weird ass weather – it’s ok to complain when it is never ending… hopefully this storm will cool off things a bit.
i am tired but also need to eat something (only drank my na drinks at lunch as i can’t eat anything on the menu and i left so quickly that i was only able to take a kind bar with me - now 3:30 and i need to fuel my body LOL - i do agree that after lunch naps are so great (i am starting to enjoy them more and more these days) –
Well rest well my friend - sending you energy vibes so that you wake up fully energized 
That was a good trick. Congratulations 
Thank you, my friend.
Now I’m celebrating day 292.
The toxicity level in my brain has been a solid 4 for a bit. Several days ago, I fantasized for about 5-10 minutes before stopping myself. Other than that, I’ve been practically lust and fantasy free for the past two weeks.
Good evening. I’m checking in on day 80. I feel I should be interacting more often with others on here, but I just pop in to check in
Total abstenance is the only way… during my last clean stretch I leaned a bit on non alc beer which was a bad habit and in some ways kept the bad habits alive. I’m going to steer clear of AF beer this time around. Also I set a goal of staying dry until the summer when I would enjoy the reward of indulging. I’ll have to put a bit more thought into that one this time.
Checking in day 11
Hi all hope everybody is doing ok today 
Not feeling so good today feel very anxious all day absolutely lashing rain all day so stuck inside all day you wouldnt put the mother in law out in it.
Usually by now I’d be on the beer if I felt this anxious and bored I suppose the fact I am not is a small step forward.
Heading to bed now to get to sleep looking forward to going soccer training tomorrow gives me something to do.
But on the plus side went to the shop and saw these so decided to treat myself to a few new bits for my collection after reaching double digits yesterday 
Hey all 
Got out of the hospital yesterday. When I checked in Thursday afternoon, I told the nurse it was probably alcohol poisoning. She said it sounds more like late-stage liver failure. What made it worse, after my CT scan was done, the doctor said there’s an anamoly “we can’t rule out it’s a tumor”.
And I have this horrible inexplicable weight gain.
I’m just feeling super lonely right now. Sorry about the rant.
