I definitely appreciate the info
the way the doctor explained it was that cervical cancer is usually spread through a virus that you only get during sex
I am a little upset they didn’t do the exam because I’ve had super painful and random periods my whole life and I told them that but they didn’t seem worried
I’m sorry to hear this. Are you able to look for another doctor in your network? I don’t see this doctor looking out for your best interest.
Sex can cause some types of cervical cancer but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get cervical cancer without sex.
Your doctor should be doing a pap smear just to figure out if you have any causes for your painful random periods. Abnormal pap smear results can be a sign of hormonal imbalances, which can cause a range of menstrual cycle issues, including painful periods. Additionally, certain reproductive health conditions, such as endometriosis or uterine fibroids, can also cause painful periods and may be detected through a pap smear.
The homework is simple. But so hard to actually do.
Last year I didn’t allow any emotions.
I have come to learn them
Name them.
Feel them.
But dealing with them that’s rough. She wants to explore my alters and what they remember. The parts of my life that I hide even from myself because they were too hard to handle. And I’m supposed to let them take over. But it’s scary. Because if I give away control…then I can’t control things. And that’s probably not healthy needing to control things, but it’s safer…
Another appointment in a couple days. And I’ll be hopefully be a little less anxious.
Lots of hugs to you too 
The most important thing to be aware of as far as cervical cancer goes is whether or not you have had the HPV vaccine.
I know you have had a lot of anxiety about going to the gynecologist. It sounds like to date they really have not given you an internal pelvic exam.
Editing #3 yet again @SadMemeQueen To say that I’m very sorry that you’ve been having the pain. That is always difficult to deal with and at some point hopefully you will get the best treatment possible for your individual situation. I want to tell you how proud I am of you for going through all of this which is very stressful and not harming yourself, and continuing to come onto the site and checking in and letting us know how you’re doing.
I’m glad that you know that you have all the support here that you do.
Lots of love to you and I hope that soon you will get some type of answers.
Do not get upset about having cancer. The chance of that is very very low.
You do know that you have painful periods. Let that be your focus and continue to push for good health care.
I am editing #1 this to say that if you want to push for some type of treatment push for a sonogram. A sonogram will show whether or not you have benign growth causing your cramping that are normal for people your age.
Editing it again #2, to say that looking at the Internet it says that they would like to see people start getting Pap smears when they’re 21. That is a guideline.
she’s not my permanent doctor it’s a women’s health center and whoever is there treats you. I’ll definitely try to see a different doctor when/if I go back. I’m totally clueless about all this so I just took it all as fact
Hi Rob, Not sure what to say as I don’t really know ur concerns, alas I wish healing was easier, . I know for me I was keen for step 12 but kept pushing therapy on friends so we could grow together…I think I was the one struggling more so.
The professionals are there to help you , great u have open mind , I’d say go with the flow what is presented as a try bc they say there are many paths up the mountain.
Take care Rob and know you don’t have to be perfect probably make us more anxious anyway.
Big hugs 
Owen
I’m still learning so much myself!
I do know the anxiety behind getting this exam or just plain going to the doctor. Sorry that you had to build up all this anxiety to then not have the exam done.
I just want to see you getting some answers to where all your pain is coming from and hopefully getting the proper treatment so that you find relief. Don’t be afraid to ask for questions when their responses don’t make sense.
I can see how this can seem scary especially after so long of having suppressed them.
I am hopeful that your therapist is guiding you through the process and providing tools so that you are able to start safely deal with your emotions.
Much love my friend - so proud of you for taking this step. 
Welcome back - we all have to start at day 1. It is not an easy path but it is a very rewarding one for sure. Are you seeking any help irl? In person or online meetings, therapy, finding a counsellor etc? A good support system is needed as we are unable to do this alone.
This community has been a life savor for me - i do hope you take time to read around and check in here daily for accountability.
I also found it best to change up my routines and add more hobbies / activities to keep myself busy so that i could distract myself when the urges arose.
Could you ask her to explain to you the process of letting go of the control? And see how her answer sounds to you.
If it is explained to you in a good way then you might have some confidence or you might not.
Maybe she’s working on a textbook psychological intervention into alters I have no idea.
I would think that her number one goal and your goal should be to keep you safe. @Scorpn
@BT824 I would think that you deserve better also. I hope that you will stay close to here and get the support that is here and turn around your life. It can be done. You can do it.
We’ll be here, looking forward to your check in on day 1!
Checking in on day 780. Hoping everyone is having a great start to the week. Much love 
You deserve better too. Keep fighting. You are worth fighting for.
Day 3O
Thanks @Soberbilly! 
Hell Ya! Did my walk to the local AA meeting and got my chip! Lots of kind people there!
Ate some Chinese buffet with my boyfriend. Now we’re at ANOTHER metal show lol (this is turning into a regular Monday thing). It’s actually great, because the venue has switched ownership, and they don’t have their liquor license yet haha! So it’s a dry show, which seems so fitting. I love the synchronicities that happen when you’re on the right path. I’m not a “God” person, but I definitely think the “Universe” or something is looking out for me.
Congratulations on your 30 days Gen.
Checking in on day one (again). I am about as sorry sight as you could see but i am here
Hey Jazz, thanks for thinking of me…the head cold is gone…the visit went fine…but didnt stop me worrying and wishing i had a fast forward button until she was back home safe again. Im feeling the pressure from a few things at the moment, im not great if im honest but coping. Hope your ok Jazz sending love
