Hello Ya’ll,
Sigh. Im feeling okay today. Been just wayching things unfold instead of the outcome. Its a good thing to do I find; sure nice to have a goal, but sometimes Id be so focused getting somewhere or how far to go that the whole journey is not only missed but is turned into something to be frustrated at and rushed through, vs experienced.
Just helped hubby move drywall to the basement. He needs a work space, so I had the suggestions of us finishing the back room - which its already strapped and he just finished tuxking the insulation in - into a workshop, for now. At first he wasnt too keen on it, worried about fumes and dust in thw house but we’re going to seal it up and get a vent fan through the window. Its a for now thing, a step…and I can feel his excitement building again which makes me so happy. Hes creating his website and I just love to see this unfolding…but anyway careying the drywall AWKWARDLY down our basement steps, and I was thinking about how 2 years ago when we moved in we planned to finish that badement room ASAP. Nope, npt what happened…but look…here it is happening now, and for a torally different purpose but like wow thats life.
Had a meeting with child services today and I really appreciatwd it. The worker was amazing, she is incharge of placements and she was reassuring and compassionate (something we did not experience at all for the 1st yr of dealing with them). We know we are moving towards a decision, and we are just asking child services to help us make one in an informed manner…and thats what this woman brought to the table. She said something very kind at the end, and while I know that doesnt necessarily matrer for the process of placing my nephew it DOES make a difference to us when people do not say tjings like that or are insensitive. I tried to allow myself to be emotional during this meeting, which I have generally been trying to do but I am not good at being emotional in feont of people. I generally jusy do not; and it isnt unhealthy i dont thinj, its just my privacy and that side of me is for those I trust with that. I like crying alone 
but today I just allowed myself to cry, and by the end both the supervisor and the worker were both in tears. Again, not aomething that needs to happen or is going to change anything, but its like thank you for understanding what a nughtmare this is for us and how hard we have been fighting.
As far as thoughts of drinking, I think I had a little thought…like romanticizing or something when reading a book where the woman was drinking wine. The funny thing is I do not like wine, and she was admittedly drinking bc she was stressed out of her mind and depressed. LIKE WOULD NOT BE ROMANTIC TO A NORMIE WOULD IT LOL anyway just a thought. I am watching my smoking, and gah. Also trying to be a bit gentle on myself, which doesnt mean im just being like “this is fine” but it has been an insanely difficult yr and a half and im doing okay, ive done big things, im working hard on myself and im taking them baby steps. Ebb and flow. I cannot wait for this one to go though, bc I do not want this shit anymore.
Going to get kittens for the kids tomorrow!!! We initially qanted to get one for our daughter for her birthday, but then we needed to wait till we woupd be home so they wouldnt be alone. Then I got to talking to people and apparently (just learning!) They like to be with their litter mate or in twos…soooooo here we go 
We had an old rescue cat before, who came with my husband and she had a lot of just poor treatment in her life. I loved her, but she had a hard time when the kids came along and started really acting up (she would pee on everything, and meow like crazy). She also did not like kids, even though our daughter was not rough with her, she was just too old and wanted that peace and quiet. It was super hard, but before we moved my best friend offered to take her (she was working from home, loved my cat and had a little dog who out cat ACTUALLT got along with). And while the incessant meowing didnt stop , she DID stop peeing everywhere. I rekember this lady trying to tell me my cat had a medical problem and thats why she did that, and I was like nooooo tjis is a BEHAVIOUR she is UPSET. Anyway, my daughter LOVED this cat soml much even though she wanted NOTHING to do with her so…here we go…xo.
