I can picture you posting this with a sharp dagger in one hand, a hand unicorn in another and a sharp look of malice in your eye…
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Yeah the whole ‘relapse is just an expected part of recovery’ is a bullshit lie if I ever heard one.
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Part of your regular routine is vaping. Are you mixing up your routine? Walk Boscoe at a different time of day. Eat in a different room. Sit in a different chair. Shower or bathe at a different time of day. Sleep on hubby’s side of the bed. Drive a different route to work. Fuck with that routine brain of yours for a week or so. Drink coffee with your other hand. Etc……
That helped me so much. And it was fun.
Are you sucking on a straw?
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That post could have been written by me and like me here you still are, still trying to quit… I’ll be 3 years next month ( odaat )
“Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”
One day it will just feel different.
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“Monkeys on a boat” – seems metaphorical somehow.
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It’s like saying, “Driving into the ditch is part of staying on the road.”
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bwahahahaaa oh snap
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Checking in sober day 23.
It was an okay day. Went into the office this morning because my work friend had to be there so we had a nice time chatting and catching up. She’s also sober. She’s also about 20 years my junior. We still manage to relate well to each other.
Still just so run down all the time. I’m exhausted all day but then can’t sleep at night.
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That is so amazing.
I would sneak one in my bag. Then, they would try to arrest me at customs, but I would already have my crocs on sport mode and run like the wind with my monkey. I would find a sketchy pilot for hire to fly me back to the states, under the radar of course. I am not trying to get my monkey shot at. Then, I will safely arrive in the states, and the rest would unfold like the movie “Outbreak”.
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The amount of detail you just provided leads me to believe this is not the first time you have thought of this plan
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Evening Check In
Day 541
Today has been a looooong day. I am soooo ready for bed and its only 730pm lol Surprisingly i ended up having a ton of energy throughout the day so i took care of a few things… dishes, swept n mopped the floors, cleaned the bathroom, and vacuumed. Didnt so the self care that i originally planned but cleaning for me is also a form of self care. My environment plays a huge role on my mental and emotional wellbeing.
My DBT book for my eating disorder came and i began reading that. It seems really good so far! Lots of good exercises and “homework” to do in it.
Recovery wise - I am okay. I did find myself getting stressed, over stimulated, and irritable this evening. Just too much was going on, tv was on too loud for my liking, and i was already tired. I had a very brief using thought which i dismissed, but then felt the urge to emotionally eat instead to deal with my stress. And bcuz i didnt follow thru with that, i ended up grabbing my phone to mindlessly scroll thru social media (whoch i hate doing). Both of these unhealthy “coping skills” i am discovering are other ways that i cope with stress and other emotions. I absolutely need and want to work harder at using healthier coping skills in the future. Even tho i dont use drugs and alcohol anymore to self soothe, i do use food or my phone or other things to self soothe and cope with my stress. I dont like that. Food is already a problem for me and if im honest, i think my phone is too. Im becoming more n more aware of my unhealthy coping skills and how addiction seeps into many areas of my life.
Health wise - I have done really well the past 2 days with my eating. I also exercised yesterday and will again tmrw mrng.
All n all im doing alright. Just really needing a good nights sleep. Thankful that my son has overnight care tonight. Hope everyone is having a good Tuesday 
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Getting close to bed time. Still sober. For me, one or two sober days in a row is easy enough, but a stretch of three or four days in a row has been a rare occurrence for years.
I have to think about what it is I want more than sobriety and its benefits. Maybe it’s just that I like being high and mindlessly value that more than health, money, reputation, relationships, etc.
Plan for the next hour or so: I need to put the garbage and recycling out. Then I want to finish watching a DVD so I can return it to the library tomorrow.
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Be proud that you are doing this. Congratulations on your vape free days!
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I’m very serious about monkeys. Ima have a monkey one day and we shall be best friends, as long as she doesn’t throw poop at me, then she’ll be downgraded to friend.
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Look at you boo boo
I’m so, so, so, so proud of you. The hard work, dedication, and struggle you put in to get you where you are today is truly admirable.
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Exhausted but I’m a good way. Not emotionally drained from the nonsense of the weekend just the normal grind.
Trying to meditate daily to re-connect with my spiritual posse. As an intuitive and medium my daily connection with a higher power is important. Numbing myself with alcohol lowered my energetic vibration and my intuition was hard to connect to. Signs of the the divine are all around me. I continue to see angel numbers daily and this weekend while dealing with the drama my mother sent me several signs reminding me I’m not alone and that she is here watching over us.
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1523
Short workweek’s starting for me, only two early shifts to go and the I’m off again for three. Weather’s improving. Biked to my two favourite food producing places yesterday, the cheese farm to the east and the (fruit) growers to the west of town. got some great produce, enjoyed some great views and had a good workout. Sober and clean. Can’t ask for much more. Have as good a day as you all ccan friends. Sober and clean. Love.
@Cjp This one might help. It’s from an old friend I met at the Q, the now defunct stop smoking forum that started this journey of Discovery for me nearly 8 years ago. Thanks Bertram. It might helps others too, this doesn’t just work for vaping/smoking. X
“Fighting craves can wear you out… next time perhaps give this a try… When a crave starts… find somewhere to relax ~ lay down or a find a comfortable chair, standing will work though. Close your eyes… relax your body… remain calm, allow your crave complete control… allow it to run it’s course ~ completely ~ start to finish… until it stops… allow it to enter your mind… The first time may be intense, sort of like a vibration running through your head… relax… remain calm, lower your shoulders often, allow the crave to run it’s course… until it stops, you will be okay… … Embrace your craves, experience them… learn from them…ride them out… every time… ride them out… you will be okay… Craves are proof nicotine levels are lowering… embrace them… learn from them… Practicing this method will allow the very essence of your addiction to manifest itself… your courage will grow… There will be anxiety/stress… walking bathing or light household activities will help… try to walk often… namaste.”
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Again, I need to agree with @Amy30 conversation with @Englishd here.
Well actually depends on the situation. If you really hit the rock bottom that yes. But imagine someone if his relationship with alcohol is something similar like mine with Ice-Cream? You might say, oh so if you are here than you have a problem ? Do I really have a problem with Ice-Cream? No. Well, depending on you - Yes! And I should stop immediately. Everyone should stop immediately!!! Do I have problem with Snickers or muffins? I am still concerned that muffins and Ice-Cream or Snickers are unhealthy. I guess you too are eating Ice-Cream time to time and have understanding that it is unhealthy, but still eat it? Then there are people with weight problems other diseases - when they really can’t have one. They sort of hit that Rock Bottom.
Why you can’t understand that some folks are here without the level of ‘‘experience’’ like some of you have here and only ‘‘getting there’’ ? I hope you catch my drift 
You need to be heard and there are people who needs your words. You have plenty of experience and there are tons to learn from You. I think those who needs takes what is needed from you. On the other hand I hope you understand that not everything is linear experience. Thank You for being here.
Yet you guys rock’s!
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Awwwww, I have so much love for you! This place, sobriety! That made me tear up dear friend. I’ll have a long post in running with scissors tonight, big changes going on. I’m really going to try to start my morning here every day again. With everything going on, I sleep every other night and go straight to action the second I wake up when I do sleep. Last night I slept from 6am - 8am, I gotta cut that out. But you know me, I feel like if I’m not actively looking for work and getting my schooling done, the sky’s gonna fall. I can’t wait to just be able to let myself be sick, rest, and not live in a state of fight or flight. That’s around the corner
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