@JazzyS the second week I struggled, stopped coming on here and mood went right down, I was still trying to journal, but thoughts of days went into weeks, then months, then years and I panicked, thinking no way I can do this, what will my life be like now, got severely overwhelmed, just about had a panic attack and them boom back to square one, I need to learn to take it ODAAT! I need to be on here everyday, but I suppose I need to realise this is the first time I’ve properly tried to get sober and it’s not going to be easy.
But here I am back and 2 days sober hope everyone has a great day
Checking in on day 809. Got back from holidays on Friday and now I am at the airport traveling again this time for work. I am tired of traveling. I just want to cuddle up with a book in a comfy bed and go to sleep. For a week. Blah. Instead, I will go catch a train now. Much love
So I’m not going to school. My old high-school diploma is in the UK. I left it there because… well, it didn’t cross my mind that I’d need it.
The thing is, I do actually have a lot on my plate at the moment and if school is something I really wanna do, I can always enroll next year.
And the more I think about it, I’m still pretty early in my sobriety and jumping head first into a huge commitment before I even hit the one year mark is probably not the brightest idea. I still have a lot of self-healing to do first.
Days PMO free: Day 26
Days with PS5 in the closet to close the day: 34
Days went to bed the same time with my wife: 34
Just checking in.
I’m learning to not over-share every crazy thought/idea or even mental goal that comes from my brain to my mate. It’s more of, what purpose does this serve to share this? There are just some things i can say in my heart or journal here. I talk to my wife about most things, we have a great relationship, but there are things that fall more into the ‘self absorbed’ space that i would rather just keep it moving and focus on them. Plus if i tell her, i tell my mother in law, so there’s that, lol.
Day 97. Man another night of not sleeping, i was literally up until about 7 just restless as could be, just over thinking and stressing about things, worried and all that, i was upset with myself bc i read the part of the chapter she wanted and i could no remember what i read at all, i even wrote it down in hopes that would help. Im going to keep reading it and hopefully ill remember, thats a little frustrating and discouraging. Idk I’m so tired but off we go, much love
3days no weed
41 days no smoking
110 days no alcohol
I meant to check in sooner but I ran out of time getting ready this morning for work. Right now I’m on break and I’m here until 4pm. Right now it’s just about 9am.
Yesterday was a great day at work. I hope today is too. I guess it is what you make it so I’m remaining positive. No reason for negativity. I’m just a little impatient because I have 2 days off from work after 4pm today.
Tomorrow I hopefully start the process to get my license back
No cravings for anything. Just me and my coffee. I do use nicotine lozenges though. I notice I’m going longer be4 I noticed would like to use them so that’s cool
Day 87 and I realise I’m really struggling. I know I won’t drink but emotionally I’m thinking about how alcohol has blighted my life in such a huge way. I admit now that the ‘cafe’ I was going to each day was in fact a bar and I was having a non-alcoholic beer as I wrote my notes and sketched. It’s the sort of thing my late husband used to do and I think I’ve just really been missing him and wanting some of that old life back.
My son missed school again today due to anxiety and I feel his pain and worry for him. I had an appointment with my psychiatric nurse this morning and she thinks I’m trying too hard to get better and not really acknowledging the scale of my mental health condition especially in relation to my alcoholism. She also pointed out that my psychotic break was only on May which is very recent. She shelved the plans she had made ahead of this meeting and held my hand as I sobbed. She suggested going for a walk with my son this afternoon, which we’ve done and she’s also going to accompany me to the swimming pool next Monday. She likened my mental health condition to breaking a bone, I’ve heard this analogy before, where we wouldn’t expect it to heal overnight. I’m just so exhausted though.
Right now though, I’m listening to some calming music and having a pot of tea.
Thanks @lorelai
I have a gentle yoga booked for tomorrow with a yoga teacher who is herself in recovery so I’m hoping that’ll be helpful. I’m also going to have a phone call with a good friend later this evening after dinner.
I’ve reread your message a couple of times and am taking it on board. Thanks for your support
Physically I’m feeling good today, back in the gym tonight. Another comp coming up in 7 weeks. Not on the main international circuit but will still have good level fighters there. Just want to keep my fitness and reactions sharp so will be competing more and more nationally as well as invitationals.
Mentally I’m not so great, I’m tired of reaching out to keep friendships going for no reciprocation. If my life was in the “You are missed” thread on here it would be me checking on people with nothing in return. Empty friendships are toxic so I am getting away from them.
Checking in on day 65. Woke up in a bit of a bad mood, my thoughts were everywhere. But work is helping me stay distracted, and I’ll go to the gym when I’m off to help
Sending strength to you all
I am so sorry, reading your post I can see how fragile you are. I am so pleased you have your psychiatric nurse to guide you. I wonder if it is all still so raw that you need someone like that to guide you through. I think the bone analogy is a really good one. So sorry about losing your husband, and your son’s anxiety. That is a lot to deal with.
Morning Check In Day 562
Feeling pretty good so far today. Had a very relaxing morning with my son. He has a medical appt right away and then we can continue our day. Its going to be a hot one out there so probably will stay inside.
I worked on my DBT book this morning. Im finding it a bit overwhelming with all the skills that are being taught. I have some familiarity with them but its been over a decade since I was taught them in therapy and so i almost feel like im learning them all over again.
Nothing else much happening today. Just some usual tidying up. We will see how the day unfolds. Have a great day/evening everyone!
Back on the sober train. It feels different this time. 9 days no alcohol, 7 days no nicotine.
I finally realized why I chose to cope using alcohol…and now I know I do not need it, ever!
I’m finally free, recommitted my life to God, and never felt better in my entire life…Ive also been making amends with those i never thought I’d speak to ever again.
Keep moving forward
No need for nicotine. I use the 2mg lozenges but today is my last day with them then I’m done. I used 4mg gum and lozenges first, then just 4mg lozenges now I’m on just 2mg lozenges
It’s a ball and chain even with the gum and lozenges because my body still depends on them
God give me strength because today is the last day with the nic supplements
Day 506 AF
I’ve been sleepy all day, on a positive note I joined a theater class with two other colleagues from work.
Time to let creativity and fun times a go.
Starts in a couple of weeks, hope is good.
Very happy temperatures are down again, I get tons of energy back when that happens.
Thank you ma’am! I’m so surprised sometimes to be reaching the18 month marker we’re both almost at! And glad you found a better suited gym for you guys, it really does make a difference
hope everyone has a great day 
Morning Check In 
