Day 97. Man another night of not sleeping, i was literally up until about 7 just restless as could be, just over thinking and stressing about things, worried and all that, i was upset with myself bc i read the part of the chapter she wanted and i could no remember what i read at all, i even wrote it down in hopes that would help. Im going to keep reading it and hopefully ill remember, thats a little frustrating and discouraging. Idk I’m so tired but off we go, much love
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3days no weed
41 days no smoking 
110 days no alcohol
I meant to check in sooner but I ran out of time getting ready this morning for work. Right now I’m on break and I’m here until 4pm. Right now it’s just about 9am.
Yesterday was a great day at work. I hope today is too. I guess it is what you make it so I’m remaining positive. No reason for negativity. I’m just a little impatient because I have 2 days off from work after 4pm today.
Tomorrow I hopefully start the process to get my license back
No cravings for anything. Just me and my coffee. I do use nicotine lozenges though. I notice I’m going longer be4 I noticed would like to use them so that’s cool 
Take care everyone
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Day 87 and I realise I’m really struggling. I know I won’t drink but emotionally I’m thinking about how alcohol has blighted my life in such a huge way. I admit now that the ‘cafe’ I was going to each day was in fact a bar and I was having a non-alcoholic beer as I wrote my notes and sketched. It’s the sort of thing my late husband used to do and I think I’ve just really been missing him and wanting some of that old life back.
My son missed school again today due to anxiety and I feel his pain and worry for him. I had an appointment with my psychiatric nurse this morning and she thinks I’m trying too hard to get better and not really acknowledging the scale of my mental health condition especially in relation to my alcoholism. She also pointed out that my psychotic break was only on May which is very recent. She shelved the plans she had made ahead of this meeting and held my hand as I sobbed. She suggested going for a walk with my son this afternoon, which we’ve done and she’s also going to accompany me to the swimming pool next Monday. She likened my mental health condition to breaking a bone, I’ve heard this analogy before, where we wouldn’t expect it to heal overnight. I’m just so exhausted though.
Right now though, I’m listening to some calming music and having a pot of tea.
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Thanks @lorelai
I have a gentle yoga booked for tomorrow with a yoga teacher who is herself in recovery so I’m hoping that’ll be helpful. I’m also going to have a phone call with a good friend later this evening after dinner.
I’ve reread your message a couple of times and am taking it on board. Thanks for your support 
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Day 640
Physically I’m feeling good today, back in the gym tonight. Another comp coming up in 7 weeks. Not on the main international circuit but will still have good level fighters there. Just want to keep my fitness and reactions sharp so will be competing more and more nationally as well as invitationals.
Mentally I’m not so great, I’m tired of reaching out to keep friendships going for no reciprocation. If my life was in the “You are missed” thread on here it would be me checking on people with nothing in return. Empty friendships are toxic so I am getting away from them.
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Checking in on day 65. Woke up in a bit of a bad mood, my thoughts were everywhere. But work is helping me stay distracted, and I’ll go to the gym when I’m off to help
Sending strength to you all 
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I am so sorry, reading your post I can see how fragile you are. I am so pleased you have your psychiatric nurse to guide you. I wonder if it is all still so raw that you need someone like that to guide you through. I think the bone analogy is a really good one. So sorry about losing your husband, and your son’s anxiety. That is a lot to deal with.
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You got this I am A month and twelve days sober.
I feel you on the whole being tired thing.
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Morning Check In
Day 562
Feeling pretty good so far today. Had a very relaxing morning with my son. He has a medical appt right away and then we can continue our day. Its going to be a hot one out there so probably will stay inside.
I worked on my DBT book this morning. Im finding it a bit overwhelming with all the skills that are being taught. I have some familiarity with them but its been over a decade since I was taught them in therapy and so i almost feel like im learning them all over again.
Nothing else much happening today. Just some usual tidying up. We will see how the day unfolds. Have a great day/evening everyone! 
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Back on the sober train. It feels different this time. 9 days no alcohol, 7 days no nicotine.
I finally realized why I chose to cope using alcohol…and now I know I do not need it, ever!
I’m finally free, recommitted my life to God, and never felt better in my entire life…Ive also been making amends with those i never thought I’d speak to ever again.
Gonna keep on pushing and praying for strength
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I’m at 41 days no ciggs or vapes
Keep it up
Keep moving forward
No need for nicotine. I use the 2mg lozenges but today is my last day with them then I’m done. I used 4mg gum and lozenges first, then just 4mg lozenges now I’m on just 2mg lozenges
It’s a ball and chain even with the gum and lozenges because my body still depends on them
God give me strength because today is the last day with the nic supplements
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Day 5
I will continue my Journey
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Day 506 AF
I’ve been sleepy all day, on a positive note I joined a theater class with two other colleagues from work.
Time to let creativity and fun times a go.
Starts in a couple of weeks, hope is good.
Very happy temperatures are down again, I get tons of energy back when that happens.
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Thank you ma’am! I’m so surprised sometimes to be reaching the18 month marker we’re both almost at! And glad you found a better suited gym for you guys, it really does make a difference
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Thank you! It’s always a “day 1” journey but I’m not giving up my numbers or progress, I have too much pride if I’m being honest lol
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Hey, nice job on the weed! I’m 515 days in and i can tell you being clear-headed does feel nice, glad you’re already feeling that! That was my biggest vice so i understand, and don’t let anyone else minimize your choice or journey to do your thing.
I still come across that a lot, people still struggle to accept that I’m just not going to smoke weed anymore, especially with it being legal. Just keep your truth in mind and don’t feel like you have to justify it to anyone, because you don’t really owe anyone an explanation in the end!
I’ve noticed the biggest thing is people start to feel insecure when I mention having to completely quit, and they start to explain why they’re either going to do that themselves later or some other thing I never asked for them to share. It’s an interesting thing.
Definitely wishing you success going forward, keep on trucking!
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Day 66.
Just before covid (and my divorce and relapse) i was doing well learning Italian ( i gave up as my wife was having an affair whilst i was on a trip to Italy funnily enough) so… three years later i have started again. Had my first lesson today. Brain is definitely rusty but i am grateful for the chance to start again
Hoping to go to florence next February and be alcohol free for the trip
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Checking in on Day 56. First official day of annual leave and really enjoyed it. We went swimming with the kids, then into a local city to do the back to school stuff. Just back from the gym which was nice, quite hard though as still quite tired from London and swimming. But…3 months ago I attended my Nanna’s funeral with a walking stick so I am soooo pleased with everything I am achieving.
@Timetochange I am sorry you had to go though all of that. Pleased you have taken up learning Italian again and great to have a trip planned. I went to Florence on my honeymoon, beautiful place and beautiful food. You will have an amazing time!
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Checking in sober day 44.
Travel was surprisingly smooth and arrived at my Mom’s early afternoon. Good to be here!
I might have to work some while I’m here (my job is remote) because the woman who was going to cover for me had her baby 3 weeks early. Fortunately mom and baby are doing well! I don’t mind since coworkers have always been good at helping me when I need it.
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@KarenKW enjoy your break 
@Hotic congrats on 1700 days 
@BT824 congrats on double digits
@Curtis-81 welcome to the checking-in thread congrats on your time AF and double digits for no tobacco
@JazzyS congrats on 250 days AF
@Deelzebub 
sending strength 🩵
@Tatitheunicorn96 welcome congrats on your 1 month and 12 days
@Jdiaz welcome back congrats on 9 days AF and your week nicotine-free
1114 days no alcohol.
579 days no cocaine.
94 days no vape.
Today has been stressful. I waited in all morning for a delivery, then I got a ‘failed delivery attempt’ notification saying no one was at home, but my buzzer didn’t ring and there was no knock at my door or doorbell, so they must have gone to the wrong address or something. It says they will reattempt tomorrow so I have to wait in again, but I have therapy at 3pm so need to leave to catch the bus at 13:45, so I’m anxious incase the delivery doesnt arrive in time.
Then I was supposed to have a phonecall with the cessation nurse about my nicotine quit, which is going well, I stopped using patches 78 days ago, and stopped using the inhalator 20 days ago, now I’m just using the lozenges and mouth spray. Her call didnt come through 2 weeks ago, so I’ve already waitsd since then to speak to her about the next step down, but her call didn’t come through today either. So frustrating not having reliable or strong enough phone signal. I made a request online for some 2mg lozenges as I want to step down from the 4mg ones to progress my quit, but they text me to say I have to speak to the nurse before they will do that. So now I have to wait another week and hope her call comes through then.
Then for the third day in a row I got bullied by teenagers whilst out on my walk. I can hear them over my music but I pretend that I can’t. Two of them rode their scooters directly towards me then swerved at the last minute and made stupid noises at me. I don’t understand what makes them feel like they can bully me, but it makes me rage in despair. They should all be going back to school next week so I guess I’ll just have to keep doing my best to ignore them until then. It’s hard though, I already struggle to leave my flat every time I go out, and these things make it that much harder.
Someones dog was barking non-stop for the past 2.5hrs, so I haven’t been able to start my check-in until now (9pm), even though I have been trying since 6:30pm. I’ve caught up and it is now 10:40pm! I’ve never really paid attention to how long it takes me to catch-up before.
I have therapy tomorrow so I hope that goes well. I will not be talking about my eating disorder this week.
I also had a phone assessment for the Adult Eating Disorder Service this morning, and she will be calling me again on Friday or Monday to discuss treatment options, it’s short-term help that they offer in the beginning, CBT based, but it’s something.
Sorry for the rant.
🩵
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