Stick around Jenny. We got your back here. Talk to us or check out the meme/ jokes threads …hope your mood and cravings get better 
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Ah shit girl. That sounds like an interesting evening/ morning.
Glad you picked up for your brother. Grateful that he was thinking of you.
That’s scary but yeah that crap is possible. I do hope he’s feeling better now.
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Can you identify anything that serves as a trigger?
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Yeah its really scary, aspecially when someone say he did not seemed like him.
Other then that, he seemed like himself next morning, but he sleept alot and probaly really hung over and anxiety. And I think he deseverd it, karma! 
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Think it is my hormones, and I am completely overstimulated. Too many people wanting to talk to me 
I am currently in bed with my daughter watching YouTube, and my husband is explaining what happens to planes during lightning, while the cat moans for food. I think I might have a migraine coming as very sensitive to noise, lights. Thanks for replying. This looks ridiculous written down, but nice to escape mentally a bit. Oh and my son has appeared now too 
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Good plan, thanks so much for replying. I am definitely sticking around.
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Haha, sounds like you just need something that is YOURS. maybe drinking was your solitary thing, that was JUST yours?
I don’t know how you cope tbh, I’m very much into my quiet time and go nuts if I have too many around me. Maybe it’s good that you have your gym and swimming to try and release! It does sound a lot and I totally get you on the too much noise and sounds issue.
Wishing you all the luck in the world 
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Aaaah thank you, and yes think you may be absolutely right about it being mine. I was a bit of a lone drinker, made the ritual of my time. That is a massive lightbulb for me, thanks so much! Everyone has just left to watch the football (very exciting Chelsea!!)
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Checking in
Day 596
Today has been a good day so far, but kind of an emotional one. Last night was emotional too. The 3 of us went to my sons classmates bday party. It was alot of fun! But in a sense really hard… for me anyway. Seeing the other kids running around, screaming and having fun, and eating pizza made me grieve for my son and how he isnt able to do those things (he uses a wheelchair, has lost his voice due to his tracheostomy, and is 100% formula fed). But… he seemed to really have fun and what was even more special for me was that his best friend was there and they were super close the whole time 
His friend was pushing him around in his chair and they were holding hands. It was super cute.
I had been holding in my emotions most of the day and then later that evening, when my son was asleep and my husband was outside, i broke down. I had a good cry. Just feeling all the emotion from earlier.
This morning i got my son ready for school and then I went grocery shopping. I also picked up a costume for my son, a pumpkin, and a couple toys for Halloween (since he cant eat the candy). Instead of going trick or treating, he is going to dress up and hand out candy & chips to the kids in our building. He wanted to do that I also did a 1 hour cardio session, which I really needed. I had so much built up energy and emotion that i actually started crying on the elliptical lol Exercise is sooo therapeutic.
I have sooo much catching up to do on here, so will do that while i have my lunch. Hope everyone is enjoying their monday 
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I was listening to a ‘sober mommy’ podcast today where the guest was a lady with small children and so much responsibility and expectations…she said the drinking was totally a time she could be alone and do something for herself, even to the point she would urge everyone else to bed quickly to be explicitly alone with the drink, but mostly alone.
I’m guessing this is the part where we have to find something else to replace that feeling right?
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Really interesting, think I was exactly the same, especially when I was at home with them all day. And then the habits are just embedded. I am enjoying creating new rituals, just need to be protective with my time now the kids are older.
@Butterflymoonwoman I am so pleased your son enjoyed the party, but completely understand the emotions that must have stirred in you. Sounds like you handled it perfectly. Sending hugs
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Checking in again as I didn’t get to go swimming tonight on the end, so I’m filling my evening with something distracting and positive. Swimming didn’t seem as appealing with the weather… Soon after work finished the heavens opened and the sky has been ripped apart with thunder 
and lightning and lashes of rain.
So we put on all the cute living room lights and fake fire and candles and ate warmed up Tagine watching a really cute film (Wolfwalkers, just gorgeous).
Now I feel a nagging sensation that I’ve let myself down by not going to the gym/swimming. This is really not very positive long term for me to feel as I’m so over the top and hyper focused on things. It’s all or nothing a lot of the time. I know a lot of the pressure is that kind of sloganistic ‘just do it’, and the thought that I should have and I slacked. But surely balance is more important for longevity…
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Oh my goodness, that weather was awful, your afternoon sounded much better. I did go to the gym and really regretted it. Everyone was there!! I reckon the swimming would have been packed as well. I ended up coming home early and skipping the sauna, just wanted to shower at home without loads of people around. I do understand the all or nothing, but I think you made the right decision today. Tomorrow the right decision may be swimming.
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Aw, thanks Jenny that makes me feel better. I need to ensure I keep a healthy mind with this as I know myself… Once I’m on it in on it, when I stop, I really stop.
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I get that, I am the same. Funny how we can be so kind and forgiving to others, but hold ourselves to such high standards!
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31
Late evening checkin.
Back home sober.
I had an interesting experience today. Someone from the TS gang inspired me to do a little hike. I am not used to it, so I choose a very little round via komoot app. 5,6 km. I paused once, had some cooled water and some nuts with me. It was wondeful sunny and the landscape was pretty soft somehow it’s a special place I found.
I met some of my friends… Calves and sheeps! Soo many sheeps, like 250 I think … without a fence. But a shepherd and 2 dogs. I enjoyed a lot of sun but also fresh air.
The interesting experience was…
This little hike was also a bit exhausting inbetween…
but it gave me so much energy 
I struggle a lot with fatigue symptoms, and I didn’t feel so refreshed for a long time.
I smashed the lanes at a 2500m swim tonight like it’s nothing
So, finally - I will be back in nature soon!
In the afternoon I joyned a meeting on refuge recovery. I made loveley connections in the sangha. And I learned.
I feel love.
I feel loved.
Much love 
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They’ve been a lot better vs Fulham today.
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Checking sober day 3.
It’s been a rough day. A drink sounds awfully tempting but we don’t do that anymore.
OFDAAT
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Brilliant! Sounds like a fabulous day. Energy creates energy I always find, it surprises me too. 
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Checking in & doing well at now day 42. I had 42 days I think last fall, thought I had all my tools in place for a visit to my SIL’s house but wasn’t prepared for a refrigerator drawer full of my favorite beer, so that was the end of that stretch. I am in a very different place now, very connected with the TLC community, including phone calls, and I joined their Sober 90 (90 day intensive course) today, which starts November 1 and will see me through the holidays. I’m also doing their 30 meetings in 30 days challenge, and have been going to meetings daily and sharing in them when I can. I also have a sober coach. Leaving for New Mexico this Friday to see the new house and do the closing. I’m as prepared for the trip as I can be. I cannot wait to see my horse again, I’ve never been away from him this long before (3 months!). The people at the ranch love him up, but still, he’s my guy and I miss him. So anyway, checking in, hope you’re all well 
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