Today I saw the first dusting of fresh snow on the mountains. The cold season is coming.
Checking in
406 days no booze
24 days no tobacco
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Checking in Day 86 without alcohol
Well Iām free from alcohol but I gave in to another addiction my narcissistic ex. Iām so ashamed of myself for reaching out to him. I did this a few days ago with the mindset that I could handle it. Iāve done well because I did not see him while I was in CA but today while texting with him he sent my a intimate photo of himself that clearly he took for someone else. I cannot stop obsessing about how all if those years I was just one of many. I know this yet he continues to gas light me and refuses to be honest.
He is just like alcohol and I used the same rational I used to use with drinking. I can handle one glass of wine and be ok. I can manage this. But this wound is deep and painful. I loved him so much and he was absolutely awful to me. I did so well for six months with no contact. I know what I need to do. I need to cut him off completely. No contact again.
Grateful for this community and the support it provides me! Sleep well everyone
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Iām jealous. It was 107 today in AZ. Iām so ready for cooler weather.
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Youāre absolutely right in this boundary.
And the thing is, narcissists have no boundaries and have a hard time respecting boundaries.
When I had no contact with my narcissistic sister, I was pretty happy about that, after the shock and sadness of having to make that boundary. It was soooo worth it.
Great job on the 86 days.
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11 days off marijuana
56 no smoking or vaping (still stuck on the 2mg lozenges)
125 days no alcohol
After 5 months sober from everything I slipped on a pure THC dab pen for 2 days. Then I made it to about 2 weeks I think and started smoking CBD weed with very little THC but enough for me to feel it after a few bowl packs and then I made it like 29 days without any form of marijuana a few months back I think and Iāve been stuck picking up and putting it back down ever since. This 11 days no form of marijuana has been the longest without pot since that 29 days a few months back.
Itās midnight here and I have to get up at 6am to get ready for work. Depending on my sleep I might be exosted when I wake up but I know picking it up right now would make me wayyyyy more exosted at 6 then if I didnāt pick it up. Also if I get high Iāll get a spike of energy which will keep me up and mess with my head while I try to fall asleep again. When I wake up, if I pick it up, Iād just be exosted and high which is a terrible mix and smoking be4 work is a bad idea for me to say the least.
I guess I know whatās right and I just have to do it
Today is 56 days no smoking or vaping. This Iām very proud of. I havenāt gone this long without a smoke in about 19 years. I started when I was 13 so my whole teenhood and adulthood Iāve been smoking or vaping. I take 2mg nic lozenges and I take about 10 a day. Not too bad but Iām impatient and want to quit these things but Iām totally nic fitting without them. Quitting them would be great but Im keep a streak without smoking or vaping so Iām not going to be too tough on myself for this. I think Iām ok with this for now
125 days no alcohol. This is going strong. The only weird thing is sometimes I will romanticize about s drink while I work. Like for the excitement for my down time after work. This is a horrible idea and refuse to give in and a thought canāt hurt me but a action can
I guess Iām doing pretty well so far when it comes to my sobriety because everything I said revolves around that being sober is the best idea
Goodnight everyone
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No contact is the way to go here. When I realized my ex was a narcissist (bc I never knew exactly what that meant before), I researched how to escape it (even tho he was the one who wouldnāt leave my apartment). When he moved out, after 9 months of torture, I never spoke one word to him or anyone related to him. It hurt me to do that to his mother, who my daughter called āgrandmaā, but it had to be done. Took me 1.5yrs to get over the abuse, and feelings of hatred. Now I feel happy again. And free.
Stick to your guns lady 
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Day 337
Another long day at work. 6am to 1130 pm.
I did get a 3 hour break between shifts. Now itās nearly 2am and I am heading to bed.
Have a beautiful night my friends 
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Day 11
Commited to sobriety.
Mood is better today.
I just made a meditation excersise to cut off energy ribbons to a guy that is not good for me. Who is texting 5 minutes afterwards? Him. (last contact was last Thursday)
This is a bit creepy! @Just_Laura @DanaM56
Donāt know how to deal with it, I am not on no contact, we didnāt have a relationship just a training buddy flirty kind of thing. But he makes me feel lost.
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Iāve been scrolling around here for a couple hours now and itās getting late. Better check in.
Another great day off. Woke up feeling good. Got some more of the kitchen done. Should be finished tomorrow. I didnāt let the rest weigh on my mind.
My daughter will be in the school band soon. My family is very musical and we own many instruments (lucky garage sale finds). She choose the flute, which I played for 7 years. We took it to a repair shop today to get it tuned up (after 20 years in its case). Iāve decided to borrow my fatherās flute and relearn as my daughter does. I think it will be good for both of us.
I should get to bed. Itās been such perfect sleeping weather. I think Iāll leave my door open tonight if the cats want to cuddle. Hopefully they donāt act like maniacs. Goodnight everyone 
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1557
It cooled down during the night. Some rain too. Much better. Both for me and Luna - who is doing a bit better again after our vet visit. She ate pretty well and we made some plans for management of her advancing arthritis.
Saw my old best friend last night, had a drink outside a bar (thereās no temptation to have alcohol these days), we talked, complained about the tourists, laughed. It was nice. Sober and clean. Will see another friend today. Havenāt been very social in real life recently, work has been so busy. Glad to catch up a bit now. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love.
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Morning all. Ive got out of bed after a reasonable nights sleep and Just for a second i felt alone with out the option to drink and smoke. It was like id lost a companion! Now im reflecting on it that feeling is melting away slightly but never the less it was there! I also felt disappointed. I think im going to go to a meeting today. See how I feel after. The need to drink is at a 4 out of 10 at the moment. I dont feel hungry though.
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Day 241.
Iām not a religious person, but if any of you are, please spare a prayer for me. Tomorrow I need to go in again to try and apply to get my marriage certificate recognised. It all depends on this other piece of paper arriving tomorrow morning.
This whole thing is beyond stressful. The wanker at the registry cut off my ID and if things donāt run smoothly, Iām stuck in this godforsaken country. If things donāt go as planned, my husband will have to leave the country at monthās end. Without me.
Iām trying to stay optimistic and take everything day by day. Ya know, like sobriety. One day at a time.
But the truth is, Iām absolutely terrified.
Being here around my family is hard enough. My husband is my rock, keeping me sane. I donāt want to be here alone surrounded by the ghosts of my dark upbringing.
So yeahā¦ thatās where Iām at.
Scared. Stressed. Exhausted.
Small blessings I have plenty of work on and Iām at capacity client-wise.
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Iām not religious, but Iāll think lots of positive thoughts and vibe many positive vibes for you. Youāre not alone. Hugs.
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Thanks Menno, it means a lot. Iām trying really hard not to dwell on the āWhat Ifsā, but I just needed a vent.
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Checking in on day 21 
Birthday on friday! Looking forward to a sober birthday! 1st brithday since i was 16 that i wont be drinking
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A good day out in Wales yesterday walking over the Little Orme in Llandudno and then lunch in Conwy.
Checking in sober. 
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Day 101. Woke feeling ok ish. I lay down for a bit and listened to music and my mood dropped a bit. Then an energetic track came on and I remembered I have a rowing machine so I did about half an hour of rowing to music before having my shower.
Itās a beautiful day out there and I had initially considered going for a walk to the botanical gardens but that started to loom over me so I looked up the local movie times and have bought a ticket for the midday screening of a film called Scrapper. Iām always thinking about how I never get the time to watch movies.
Iām just going to get ready to go out.
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1185. I hope everybody has a good one!
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hey everybody itās day 3 for me iām feeling very committed and realizing that one thing i need in my new life is actually a better sense of humor 
like, instead of feeling the need for alcohol to loosen up and have fun, i can just BE the crazy & ridiculous person i truly am, completely sober like the great Salvador Dali said āi donāt do drugs. i am drugsā 
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Lmao! Love that Julia! My sense of humor can be pretty dark. If I didnāt find a way to laugh about my mental health or addictions they both would have killed me a long time ago!! As a mental health professional I usually keep my sarcastic dark humor to myself. Luckily my best friend has the same sense of humor, so when shit gets bad for one of us, we call each other, vent, then have a good laugh about it after we throw some inappropriate jokes back and forth. Iām not saying itās the best coping mechanism, but I try to live by the philosophy you can laugh about it or cry about it, so might as well find a way to laugh about it.
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