Thank you Jasmine! It’s definitely an incredible realization and feeling! 
2 Likes
hi beautiful people this is day 2 for me and i am feeling very committed to being sober and also very irritated. that’s fine, it’ll pass. i am no longer choosing to apply a numbing depressant that will make me feel worse. i’d rather just be simply irritated. 
18 Likes
Thank you, that is so kind. It is huge, and yet an every day thing so I think women are conditioned to just accept it. My sister is struggling, and that is triggering stuff. Then there is my mum’s reaction, and the comparison to my babies. I think this will ultimately be good for me, sort of a therapy. Thanks so much for replying x
2 Likes
Thank you 
3 Likes
@qhob13 Aaah – Michigan does have some cool places to explore. I have just recently started to check out different areas here. I agree – so much beauty here. I really can’t believe you haven’t been in the city more LOL just messing with ya – 1.5 hours away would be hard to just pop over for a gig. I was fortunate enough to have exhibitions in Chicago for work and I would always take a few extra days to enjoy the sites.
@juli1 Yikes – I hate dental work. Sending you comfort for your tooth extraction tomorrow.
@saturn81 the emotional battle and fighting urges can really be exhausting (literally) – take the time now to relax and rest. Great job on another day of sobriety
@noshame WOOT WOOT double digits no weed ! Sweet job on all your numbers 
@sadmemequeen Oh Megan it hurts to hear you say that you don’t care anymore. You are too young to give up on yourself. Chronic means that you have been suffering from something non stop for a long period of time but it does not mean that you are destined to live in this condition. Please do not lose hope my friend. I know I am battling many chronic health issues but I do know that with effort (good diet, finding ways to help with pain management and mental positivity) I have been able to start my healing process. Please do not deprive your body of the essentials – you need food and water to survive. You are a young and vibrant woman with so much life ahead of you. 
@jennyH HOORAY! Congrats love – so excited for you all and thrilled that momma and baby are doing well. I am so sorry for all the family drama. Write whatever comes out (don’t worry about it making sense) – sometimes just getting it out is enough to release the pent up feelings (like you said – the situation is drudging up some deep stuff)
@deelzebub How awesome for you to celebrate birthday in person (saves you from having to mail the gift 
) Will be a great for you as well to celebrate your 100 days of sobriety.
This is awesome Julia – your determination and motivation are amazing! I know those irritated moments can get to be a bit much – we are here if you need to vent. Try also doing something to pump up endorphins. Keep strong
6 Likes
thank you♥️
2 Likes
Doing really good, had an amazing time in Hamburg. Very tired and busy these days, hope everyone is well! Love you.
9 Likes
so good to hear from you Mia - glad you had a good time in Hamburg!
Get some rest - much love
1 Like
Checking in sober day 57.
Still here. Still taking it OFDAAT.
20 Likes
Ha it’s by choice. I grew up in the sticks, so I don’t really enjoy busy city life. Do want to get the kids down there on some day trips to the museums and aquarium. They are now old enough where they would enjoy it and it doesn’t require strollers and a giant headache. Lol Soon!
2 Likes
Daaaaaannnnng ya’ll,
So, i slept a bit better last night but still up 3 times (son crying, daughter climbed in bed and proceeded to shove her dad out lol, and then woke at 5 when son woke up but hubby got him so I could sleep in till 6:30…sleep in…till 6:30 LOL never thought id utter this phrase). I do totally get that people are AWAKE at 5am; but i dont know man, when you are up with a baby/toddler at that time it is just not the same thing lol. Being up at 5 to have a coffee, sit for a moment, or like hubby would do a work out…thats one thing. This is entirely another. Ive learned now with 3 kids that my body hits a max capacity for sleep torture where i get it in my nerves, and I didnt recognize that with our 1st daughter…i mean i KNEW i was exhausted beyond repair but I just thouyht it was normal and that moms dont have help because…there is no help to be had? Lol. Plus when youre a new mom and youre like baby doesnt sleep, people say yes lol babies dont sleep its normal…meanwhile I had no idea that what my daughter was actually doing was cluster-feedinf like a preemie bc she was small so she wanted to catch up. As soon as she was a pudding around 4 months, she stopped. But i just had no idea hpw lack of sleep LIKE THAT was going to effect me. I am an insomniac, with hyperstate qualities of an undiagnosed ADD. Id not sleep nights when i was young and power through the next day (no drugs needed!). Even when I was sober, and working and in school Id find myself dismantling the bathroom fan bc it was noisy…at 3:00am, then having little concept that I had been working on it for 4 hours and needed to start my day. I was a night owl who didnt have to be up too early, so my day started at 9 or 10, but I dodnt go to bed until 3 or 4am. Yeh. But whoa. Not the samr thing with a baby lol and now I get that…so when i get that tingly feeling, its almost like feeling unwell…then I just know.
I have totally let my daily readings, exercise and therapy take a backseat the last month of the summer. Kids were home and we were vacationing and bouncing around, and this happens each summer. I get out of routine. THIS YEAR, i’m going to just RECOGNIZE it without shaming or berating myself like oh yes dear summer is now done lets pick thesr things back up. Why have I beem kicking the shit out of myself forwver, I do not know. So, these are little things Id like to get back to.
Today still wasnt what I would call a great day. This morning kids were at each other and it just was so loud/tense. Hubby got stressed also. I find when I get stressed he really takes on my emotions, especially lately. I know its not intentional, but J have talked to him about how it feels a bit like I cant get upset. I am usually someone who has a decent mood, and especially when the kids are around it just lightens me up (i do have my moments! Lol). Im not sure if I see it accurately bit Im pretty sure hes a more moody person then me, and Im not saying his moods dont effect me but they generally dont eclipse his… which is often what happens. Im not sure if this is just especially lately; but I know I havr tapked to him about it. He is an amazing partner, so Im not wanting to crap on him…but jist vent i guess bc it is hard. Like when I have a shit day, I dont want to be afraid its going to send him down firther then me and then Im dealing with his shit also…its just hard. I know it IS hard going away for a few days feom the kids and coming in to a war zone lol and im speaking from experience myself, not just making excuses. But now hes in a bigger funk then I am, and it leaves me feeling a bit like theres less room for me to have days…
Heres to the 25th hour my friends. Sleep well, and remember tonorrow is another day. Xo.
18 Likes
Thank you for checking in, it was and I made it through sober 
3 Likes
oh that’s wonderful! Another notch on the sobriety strength belt! Way to go
2 Likes
night of day 2. i think because i made an actual solid and real commitment to this, there’s a recapitulation happening that’s bringing key elements of my life to the surface for review. i’m irritated, mostly with myself and the decisions i’ve made that have brought me to this place where i don’t know what i’m doing or how to move forward in life. i’ve done quite a bit of this sort of inner inventory over the recent years and have done a lot of surrender and self forgiveness and empowerment training - but there’s more needed. there’s more recognition and acceptance needed, more letting go. without the alcohol, i’ll be able to. finally able to actually grieve pain. like grieve my son’s father who is in jail, (even before he got locked up he was never a good partner or dad anyway). need to grieve that, and accept that i’m on my own. need to grieve the years i wasted drinking, and forgive myself. need to grieve the person i was because i’m not that person anymore. that’s a good thing. i know i will love who i’m becoming. but i also need to hug and love the girl i was when i didn’t know how to take care of myself. when i hurt myself and others. i’m learning now, how to love and be loved, how to be gentler. i’m drinking tea and painting gold accents on my dads guitar. that’s enough, i don’t need to be a giant or prove anything to anyone tonight. just tea and paint. and bedtime. looking forward to a hangover-free day 3 tomorrow. love y’all
22 Likes
Evening Check in
Day 575
Today has been okay. Nothing really exciting happened. I am still not feeling the greatest but thankfully my son seems to be feeling pretty good. So he will be going to school tmrw. He has picture day on Wednesday and so tmrw im going to go shirt shopping for something nice. Maybe a nice Jordan shirt or something. He loves Jordan wear.
I only had one using thought today. It stemmed from thinking about my hubbys payday this friday. Havent had a thought like that in ages so why that came about, I dont know.
I actually ate well today and followed an eating plan. Worked on my DBT book a bit. So im really thankful that i was able to follow thru on this.
Going to wind down shortly with some self care. Hope everyone has a good night and has a good rest 
22 Likes
Ah love - i can’t imagine waking up early having to tend to baby / toddler / child. I am barely coherent myself and cant fathom the energy and mindset it takes to be up and alert and take care of another being.
I don’t even know what to say - doesn’t see right. You are human and need to be able to have your “days” without worrying about if someone else (an adult) will be worse off because of it. You are juggling a lot and having it all on your shoulders can be overwhelming. I do hope you can talk to your hubby and let him know where you are coming from. Grateful that he is such a great partner - you deserve that 
4 Likes
293 quick update lots going on lots of hospital appointments coming up 
Weight back up to 43 kg from 39.9
Lots of pain everywhere
Chilling watching rocky 3
Happy sober Tuesday everyone
21 Likes
Hey Ian
Good to hear from you…weight up - that’s great 
I am so sorry you are still dealing with so much pain. I do hope you get some answers and help from your appointments. 
Enjoy the movie
3 Likes
Checking in on day 822 from a very rainy evening. It’s good, because we quite needed the moisture. Hope everyone is having a great start to the week. Sober on, my friends!
24 Likes