I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
1 month and four days.
I know I haven’t been on here lately, and a lot of you have wondered about where I am, or how I’m doing.
My husband isn’t really doing better, but he isn’t getting worse either.
Still no insurance money.
And my boss has simply said that I’m either going back to being a special teacher/ personal assistant to the little girl I worked with before the summer. Or I’m out of work after Christmas.
I kindly asked her to go to hell. Not really professional I know,but at this point she’s so much of a jerk that I simply don’t care. At the moment I also have two collegues that’s about to work themselves to a burnout, and I’m doing extra hours next week to give them some rest. And my boss just don’t care, it’s more like she’s actually trying to get them to quit.
Also I made a late application to another university to become a sports class/ gym teacher. Because I can’t get into the regular teacher program. I don’t have the Math required. I did start a math class earlier this month, but I have up because Frankly I can barley use the high school basics. And our teacher expects us to sit for three hours and just count in a book without any help from her. Not something I want to waste my time on.
Still haven’t decided if I want to study to become a teacher. I’m not even sure that I want to go back to school again.
My Ma keeps doing her drink calls, she called and talked for three hours this Friday.
I’m just frustrated with life at the moment. So hanging out here is not really anything I have the mental space or strength to do right now. Not my usual positive self, not having the constant hope for the future that I used to have. And I really don’t have the energy to fight anything anymore. I’m just…I guess I can say that my soul is tired.
Tired of being in constant survival mode. Tired of not knowing who I am, what I like, who I want to be. But constantly being who I need to be at the moment, to please someone else.
Can’t even check in here saying that I’m happy to be here, or happy to be sober. Because I’m not. I still won’t drink or do anything else. It’s not worth it. But I’m not happy about it.
Probably not the post y’all expected or wanted to have. But unfortunately that’s the truth.
I hope y’all are doing better than me at the moment.
You guys now I adore you.
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend.
Keep kicking ass beautiful sober buddy!! 
if you need help kicking ass while you rest up from this bug, reach out!
