Oh dear, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant more that I’m usually trying to make positive posts and even if the world is burning I’m trying to have a positive outlook. But this time I just can’t feel that.
I’m not sure it’s not permanent I’ve been living like this pretty much always. Maybe not in this exact state I am now. But similar as I stated above. The difference now is that I actually have the possibility to change some of it. But for the first time I don’t have the energy to do it. Before I’ve never seen any other way to survive than going forward and keep the hope up. And compared to previous Chaos this is small matters, but yet they might be the last straw.
I didn’t sleep this long in I really can’t remember. Nice. Now for another day of little activity. I already had my morning walk. Breakfast now. Reading and napping and lazing around later. I could get used to this.
Have as good as day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love from the Hill Country.
@MrsOdh If all you can do right now is survive, survive. ODAAT always. Hugs. @JennyH It’s always good to see you here Jenny. Keep going. We’re in this together X. @Clarity That’s some crazy sh*t Sarah. Glad to see you dealing with it in the right way. Thoughts about using are just that. Thoughts. On we go. X
Girl - it is so good just to hear from you and it made my morning to see your beautiful face on the selfie thread.
I am so sorry love that your hubby is not improving. Sending many more healing vibes your way.
Your boss is a right BITCH - and i’m grateful that you kindly told her to fuck off or go to hell. I do hope something opens up for you with a better day to day than having to deal with this woman.
Hey love - we do not expect anything. Just grateful to see you checking in and being your raw honest self. We can’t be upbeat and bubbly all the time (that would be utterly exhausting and an unfair depiction of life). I am so impressed that you are doing all that you are doing and doing it sober. You should be proud of yourself.
I do understand the overwhelming doom of living in constant survival mode. I am so sorry that you are going through this atm - it will not last. It has to improve and get better. We are here with you and for you when you need.
Much love my beautiful friend. Keep strong and know that we adore you too l
Happy Sunday friends. 4 days today and managed to stay away from my DOC. It’s a bit harder than my last addiction because it’s readily available and legal.
Thank you for the advice about keeping a list about all the reasons I’m not going to use. It helps. Plus I’m saving a lot of money.
I’m also ending a relationship w someone who won’t commit and that’s hard. It feels like I have to actually deal with emotions now. I’ve always been scared of that due to a lot of past trauma.
@jennyH big hugs love and I’m grateful that you did check in now rather than waiting. We do need the support and accountability at the beginning more than any other time in the journey. I was literally just thinking of you this morning – you were missed my friend. Way to go – getting back on the sobriety horse. I do hope you have isolated the reason for the relapse and are able to find a better coping mechanism for the future. @sara.eve So thrilled that you had such an amazing evening – YEAH to sober fun living @JuliaLuna how are you doing today with day 7 (aka 1 week) of sobriety? @qhob13 Thanks friend – it was a lovely time and they are some sweet friends – brought over some non alcoholic juices and drinks and gf snacks for me. Love when you find beautiful souls to surround yourself with. Congrats on your 3 weeks of sobriety! @saturn81 so sorry you have been under the weather. Glad the worst is over – A huge congrats to you and your 3 weeks of sobriety as well! We got the add on pack which was a lot of fun for Carts against Humanity. Some of the questions are so hilarious. @clarity My goodness Sarah I am so very sorry for the chain of events happening right now. This is beyond bizarre. I have faith that things will all work out for you and your family. Grateful that you are sober and clear minded while handling and processing all of this. I have not had to deal with CPS but know that this can be a nightmare so I’m very sorry. I know they will see that you are a good mom and the kids are just being kids. Breathe my friend and keep faith that everything will work our. We are here for you. Keep strong and sending you some massively tight hugs OH FUCK – just read your friends comment and hell NO – that would scare the shit out of me to hear. SO grateful that you are feeling calmer now and more empowered in your sobriety! @calgary5577 Well done on day 4! It is harder when the DOC is legal and readily available but we are stronger to resist it. Sorry about your relationship ending - think and focus on the relationship that is beginning (the one with yourself in sobriety)… i have found that being sober really helped me find me and deal with all that i was bottling up in a healthier way.
Checking in on Sunday morning
I had such a great time with friends last night. True gems! I am still not feeling so hot and energy is low but we managed to have a blast – oh so much laughter! Love the roaring deep down belly laughing. Ending game night with a horror movie so the evening was amazing. Enjoyed a quick coffee meet up with my sis and some quality time afterwards with my mom. I love a lazy Sunday with no to do list. I am trying to recoup from yesterday - which is easy to do while in bed Hoping you all have a fantastic addiction free day - sending you all so much LOVE
My great grandmother was one of those. Funny thing is I never knew their organisation was named after the flower. I just thought " odd, this name. The must have blue buttons on their coats or something." Enjoy your holidays Claudia! X
PS. The flower’s name in Dutch is Blauwe Knoop, or blue button.
yesterday ended up being awful. we went to bingo, it ended up being very overstimulating. (we decided to go once a month from now on so I will just bring my noise cancelling headphones next time ). then we get to my grandpa’s and my uncle has previously promised he’d help my grandpa move his fridge. so we called and he said ok I’ll be there but he never showed up and my grandpa ended up moving every single item from his front fridge to his back fridge, moving his entire fridge and oven, and then using several power tools including an electric saw. this wouldn’t be so bad but he’s 83 has a hard time standing but won’t admit it, and was outside for several hours in 90 degree weather.
my mom and sister were at the store, and my aunt was away this weekend. so I spent several hours panicking trying to make sure he didn’t get hurt. I tried to help out as much as I could but I have no idea how to do any of that stuff. and my grandpa is unfortunately very sexist. he wouldn’t even let me use a hammer or measure this because he completely believes women can’t do these things. he also gets incredibly mean when he’s trying to do something. it has to be his way and he’ll yell at you until he gets it his way.
this was all because he found a hole in the wall and he’s been having a rodent problem. he was trying to cut a wooden plank to fit the hole and then was going to nail it to the wall. my mom and sister finally got back (after my mom decided she would continue to shop while I’m alone with all of this, calling her panicking every few minutes). my uncle eventually text and said “sorry fell back asleep I worked 15 hours yesterday” which fine whatever but he’s that tired he should’ve let us know.
eventually I ended up having to get behind the very gross fridge which triggered my sensory issues even more, and then I used foam insulation to fill the hole and then nailed a board over it. I then got foam insulation all over my hands while is still there and still bothers my sensory issues.
I ended up having a full on autistic meltdown in my grandpa’s bathroom. partially because sensory issues and partially because my grandpa was so mean. that was the first and hopefully last time my grandpa has made me cry.
at the end of the day my grandpa apologized, said none of it was my fault. and gave me $10 as another apology.
anyway the good part of my update is that later today I’m going to see Beetlejuice the musical. I’m very excited
Hey Buttercup.
So nice to see you checking in sober. I been thinking about you. I’m glad you shared what’s going on. I hope it helps. And I’m happy to see your selfie.
Congratulations on your month and 4 days.
The good news is we get our feelings back. The bad news is we get our feelings back
Stop by when you’re up to it.
So good to read you.
I am reading and processing. Today I have managed to get out for a couple of walks and cleaned our bedroom. Making it into a sanctuary. I am re-reading Alcohol Explained and that is really helping. I currently have no desire (well a completely manageable desire) to drink. I am a little down but think that is probably a good thing, facing up to things. Thank you again
I had a very relaxed day. I slept 8 hours but didn’t feel refreshed this morning. I was still tired. My plan was to go for a walk but it was too hot for that, at least for me.
I mostly watched a series I like and had some naps in-between.
Now I’m laying in my bed after having a bath and preparing some snicker dates Definitely the healthier choice instead of cookies or cake.
I tried a session of bed yoga and I love it. It relaxes so nice and prepares you perfectly for the night.
I’m not that stressed about the job tomorrow as I now know that we’re finally getting the help we need and deserve.
Maybe that’s why I’m so tired all the time, my body relaxes and releases the stress. I hope this is the reason and not some Long Covid stuff.
Edit: I completely forgot to mention that my psoriasis calmed down. I’m trying something new and it seems to work for me
Good night fam, have a beautiful sober day (or night), stay strong
I just stopped myself from walking down to the shop where I usually buy from. It was hard. I took a bath instead, spent some time with my daughters, and now I’m writing here. Thank you so much for giving me a place to honestly talk about my feelings. I feel like I’m just rambling on.
My SO is drinking today for his friends birthday. I usually would use my DOC when he’s like this to “match” his level. Does that make sense? I feel like it’s easier to hang with him when we’re both messed up. But now I have to sit through it and not use. It’s going to be hard. I don’t drink so I won’t want to do that but I have to make sure I just keep being strong.
The weekends are hard because I have so much free time. And I don’t have the motivation to do other things. I feel so much shame for not being an active mom the way I should be.
The motivation to do other things will come, just like the energy to do them. Just as long as you don’t indulge in your DOC!
Yes it will be hard at times. But the rewards are huge. So glad you’re here friend. We’re in this together. Be here and talk as much as you want and like and need. You’re not alone
11 days 9 hours. Was a LONG ARSE day at work. I managed to make a smoothie for breakfast and drank it slowly on way to work. Then had a shake for lunch. Normally breakfast would be coffee and cigs or nothing at all, which means by 10 - 11am id have a major caffeine crash. Then 8 to 10 cans after work! The anxiety building towards the end of work. Constantly clock watching then just buying the cans would take away some of it and then id feel excited to be getting my booze. Or its rush home, shower and then down the pub for 10 pints and chain smoking. So I wouldn’t of eaten at all (I have a physical job, on my feet most of the day, no break)! I was a little disappointed that I couldn’t have a few beers tonight but it wasn’t overly bad. No major cravings today. Ate a proper dinner when I got home, went an AA meeting and ive just done some DIY. I feel tired but more natural instead of drunk and fatigue all at once.
l
Hoping you all have a fantastic addiction free day - sending you all so much LOVE 
Ooops I did it again 
Definitely the healthier choice instead of cookies or cake.
