Well done on a whole week sober, Des! And so glad you’ve made arrangements to be able to go to treatment. I hope you get a lot out of that opportunity.
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@Just_Laura Glad your blood pressure has improved!! Also glad to hear they sprayed today and you might be getting an upgraded stove!!
Sounds like you got a ton of stuff done, don’t get overwhelmed by the big picture! This all happened over 3 years, it will take more than a day to undo it all. But you are making incredible progress. Keep chipping away at it friend, hope you get your apartment to a place where you feel comfortable at home! 
Also laughing about your knife incident at the police station! 
did they take your info so they could return it to you on your way out? Or did they keep it?!
Years ago, I was going to the courthouse to get my marriage license for my 1st marriage. Security guard stopped me because I had a lucky 38 special keychain that an old customer gifted me. She told me I wasn’t allowed to bring “bullets” into the courthouse. I was all ma’am, this is drilled out and on a keychain, I’m going to get a marriage license not going to court pissed off at the judge. She got pissed that I had the audacity to correct her told me to get rid of it. I asked her if I could leave it on her stand and grab it on my way out. That pissed her off even more and she told me to throw it away! 
10 years later and I’m still salty as hell over that keychain!!!
@Juli1 Keep it up, Julia!!! You are doing great!! 
you got this friend!
@Amy30 so sorry you’re dealing with all of that! Glad your husband recognizes how unhealthy it is and is there for support. If you run away to Antarctica bring him with you, he sounds like a keeper! I’m sure you know, as you’re no stranger to narcissistic behaviors, but when dealing with people like your aunt, just agree. Who knows best what size of apartment you live in? You. But who is always right? Aunt. So in those moments, just accept you know the truth and don’t engage with your aunt because those types of people just love the argument. It feeds their soul. So next time just shake your head, smile, and say yep, you’re right. When you get home to your ONE BEDROOM apartment you lay your head on your pillow knowing that you are right and you didn’t spend energy arguing with someone who will never be convinced they are wrong. Hang in there friend!!
@2JTravNZ one fucking year, Travis!!! 
Congrats, keep that shit up!!! You’re doing great!
@Alycia Awesome numbers! 
I hope the school adjustment works well for your son!! So tough when they have a hard time at school! Wishing you both well!!
@Lotusflower good luck, Des! Don’t let him get you down. I hope treatment goes well! This is just the beginning of the new life you are creating for you and your kiddos! It will be tough, but they will understand and be better off for it!! Stay strong and keep going!!!
@Saturn81 hope your feeling better, sober buddy! Just dropping a line to let you know you are missed and to send a hug! 
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@Pattycake Of course it’s ok, Patty! I use humour as a coping mechanism to keep me semi sane. And thank you for saying that, it feels so feel validated because the people around me right now are driving me bonkers.
@Qhob13 thank you! I used to go on the raised by narcissists subredding and so many stories were so similar to my own. A lot of people struggle to understand the mental anguish these daily slices of gaslighting can do.
My dad is the big bad, his sister is the little wannabe big bad. My mom, my cousins and all members of the extended family are appeasers. It’s like a cult.
I walked away from the madness straight after high-school and now that I’m here again, it’s almost like walking through a time machine. Nothing’s changed. I changed.
Anywho, I’m seeing my therapist next week and will go back to weekly sessions. My shrink upped my anxiety meds, so hoping that will help.
I won’t drink. No matter what.
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I have never experienced mental exhaustion more than when I was married to a narcissist and his narcissistic mother. The daily gaslighting over the silliest shit like you mention had me pushed to the edge. My feet were raw from the eggshells I started walking on. They had turned me into a shell of a human and my former self. I really thought I had lost it until I started therapy and my therapist was validating and confirmed they were narcissists. Gave me the tools to survive, then divorced them both soon after! Glad you have an appointment with your therapist. Hopefully it will give you a place to vent it out, get validation, and build up some tools for dealing with the family dynamic! Hang in there friend!
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I love your kids! Grateful you managed to eat something love and oh so grateful tgat you have that appointment today.
Dreich…i like it…will try to use it next time we experience weather like that (may be pronoucing it wrong). Sometimes this type of weather has a way of lifting my spirits and sometimes it allows me to wallow…i do hope today lifts your spirits my dear friend. You deserve a light hearted day.
Hope to hear how your day is going 
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You have a lot of patience is what I’m reading, truly… family are head wreckers in my experience and sometimes you just gotta do all you can to stay fucking sane on a day to day basis as thinking about the long game would destroy you.
Keep fighting the good fight.
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Home alone, eating well and slept over 8hrs last night wow!! I’m taking care of myself like I would a sick cherished person that I loved.
I’m trying to do the opposite of what my conditioning is these days. I was raised to (or conditioned to through my upbringing) hide, delay, be scared of, denounce, put down, denigrate, question, be wary of, cynically poo poo. My whole family unit was built around a narcissistic matriarch who bullied and manipulated every breathe we took. She orchestrated every move we took and inserted herself into every event and friendship I HAD. I didn’t have anything that was mine except for secrets and hurt and damaged feelings.
So I am trying my best to OPPOSITE this list: take action, get medical help, believe in people, accept people, clean up my act without expectations of others, trust in the universe and kindness and good and luck and chance. Also work hard for what I want and stand up for myself. I deserve it all.
I will double down loving those in my life and try to accept those that are no longer in my life through MY CHOICE. Estrangement is strange; it’s freedom with consequences. But I guess you choose your battles.
All good today, I have prepared and eaten the biggest Greek salad ever, weird that it started off small then ended up the size of a dustbin lid. Oh well.
Am hydrating and trying to not get panicked with work, ODAAT should relate to a lot more than just alcohol for me. I’m looking to shed that perfectionist side. Good enough should be JUST THAT, not a shade of disappointment in sight.
Plan to clean the flat after work as it’s gale force winds and rainy out. Already been out to the bins and stuff trying to stay on top of every thing proactively. Will take some parcels to the store for return maybe also.
Then a great rest in bed and hopefully another blissful 8 hours.
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Thank you!! You’re killin’ it yourself!
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Checking in day 7 no sugar.
I fell off the wagon this summer, had made it to 464 days no sugar.
Classic story of “just a bit wont hurt”… I wanted some sorbet because it was hot, then I wanted a slurpee because it was hotter… then I started buying packages of candy for camping, then for meetings and then I lied to a sponsee about having “anymore candies”. Sugar is just as bad as dope for me and she may as well been asking me for my last bowl. Having to call her the next day to come clean with my lie, shining a big spotlight on my very alive addict is the only way I have been able to get this last 7 days back to back without sugar. I had to go back to the basics and just hold on tightly.
I am grateful for the reminder of how quickly I go off the rails, after alnost 4 years without substances I needed it. Grateful my reminder was with sugar.
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Checking in on day 29. Had to drop off my older doggo at the vet to get his leg x-rayed, he’s got a chronic injury that flares up every once in awhile and pain meds/vetprofin aren’t doing much so we need a closer look. Hoping they get to him quickly so I can bring him home. Got my other doggo a pup cup on the way home, she’s much better behaved at the drive-through than her brother 
I will spend the morning meditating and taking Maisy for walks if she wants to go, she’s very dependent on her brother but we’ll give it a go. Will work on my courses and poems, write down my goals for sober coaching which starts Thursday. It’s a beautiful September day, hope it’s a good one for everyone.
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Day 57 check in.
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Wow congratulations on your 1 year!!! Amazing work!
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Day 3 of my bonus daughter with me
I’m gonna help her as much as I can.
I love my kids. All of them.
When I get my regular status back I’ll post on my thread
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I had to force myself into the shower and along the road to my appointment but I got there and found the GP to be very supportive. She’s given me Escitalopram to take and has said it takes a couple of weeks to start working. She feels we’ve caught this early and is very hopeful that I’ll feel better soon.
Then I stocked up on some groceries, collected my prescription and also stopped by the fabric store for some fabric I can embroider on. I’m just listening to some music at the moment, but I’ve just found out that the kids schools will be closed for three days next week due to strike action so I’m a bit blown away by that news.
I bought a couple of Portuguese tarts to have with a pot of tea when the kids get back from school.
I’m definitely not feeling as bad as yesterday, which I’m grateful for.
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Thank you SO SO much for reminding me of the things that are truly important. Sometimes i forget 
i always appreciate ur support and comments
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@2JTravNZ Congratulations! Such an achievement!
@Lotusflower I don’t understand why a father wouldn’t take care of his own kids, regardless of what was going on with the mother. He is putting pettiness over his kids. Hope you do well in treatment.
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Checking in on day 5
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I am so grateful for your GP - love how on top of things she is and the support is unreal! Here is to the meds and the hope that they will kick in soon so you start feeling relief. Grateful to have caught this early 
You did a lot of stuff today already. Embroidery too - you are very creative and talented – this is so lovely – i do appreciate when you share your creations with us.
Yikes - a strike at school! It would have blown me away too. In a way it may be the universe keeping your kids home so you are not alone while the meds kick in… having additional support at home 
Appreciate you checking in and letting us know how you are doing. Enjoy your Portuguese tarts and tea 
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De-accelerating one day at a time. Walk. Sit. Watch. Talk. Listen. Read. Eat. Sleep. Exist. Sober and clean. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love from the Hill Country.
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Those Portuguese tarts will sort you out! I found Escitalapram very helpful a few years ago, really was a blessing for me.
Good luck 
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