Checking in on day 73. Had a dream last night that I was trying to get to my car parked far away across a field. As I walked toward the car,the field began to slope up into a challenging hill. As I walked up the hill,the ground began to change into soft mud. Each step became a grueling task of sinking up to my knees , pulling each leg out, and taking another sinking step. I reached the rear wheel of my car and began to free myself from the mud again and then woke up. Perhaps the dream is a metaphor. Things change and shift all the time, and sometimes itās a slog and it takes determination to get through, but we keep going. We just keep goingā¦
20 Likes
Really sorry, it does sound really tough. I donāt think I would have got through Thursday if I had people mentioning wine.
3 Likes
Im sorry to hear about ur slip. Im glad ur back tho and not giving up 
2 Likes
Morning Check In
Day 587
Today, even though i felt completely disconnected to my HP, i prayed on my way to work. It was a very distracted prayer but I still tried. I managed to get to work on time since there was no interruptions to the train/bus. So at least my day started off well.
I also managed to pay off my credit card today!!! Im honestly really proud of myself. Financial stuff has never been my expertise and Ive never been good at saving or paying things off. But i finally paid off my credit card. Ive been working on this since February. Now i just have to pay off my overdraft which i will do in October. This is all thanks to recovery! I would have never been able to get my financial stuff straightened out if i was using.
Not much else to report right now. Just going to work my shift and then head home to my family. Much love to u all 
21 Likes
an element of my addiction cycle included manic delusions of grandiosity swiftly descending into masochistic despair and back again. it has been a very dramatic decade, to say the least. as i near the 2 week mark of my dedicated alcohol-free lifestyle, i notice this pattern coming up in a different way. the lows are not AS despairing, and the highs are not AS grandiose. these opposites seem to oscillate around a friendly hum of ālife is a tough jobā.
rather than saying ālife is hell and i want to drink and dieā, or on the other end saying ālife is a rainbow fairytale and i am Godā, iād like to huddle more around the zen center. i know oscillations are a part of nature, but iād just rather not fluctuate so strongly anymore. be more steady. gain momentum in a direction. i believe without alcohol i will be able to do that - or at least, that is one of my intentions with sobriety.
15 Likes
Checking in.
Have been to my familiar womenās meeting and feeling good. I am grateful for this meeting. I am grateful for all the lovely people there. I am grateful I can go there. Also I am grateful I met someone from another meeting before that.
17 Likes
@danam56 so sorry that its been such a trying week. That experience sounds awful. I am grateful that you found ways to distract yourself and reach out to a good friend. I do find that coming up to a milestone triggers the talk of having just 1 drink as if hey weāve made it this far and it really isnāt a big deal. Way to keep strong my friend.
@hidden Oh friend 
Sounds like a very lovely day together and a very emotional day. Grateful that you are sober and able to enjoy all the moments. I do hope that the two of you can remain in touch as friends. Seems like you both could use it. 
@Amy30 hope you got so good sleep knowing that no alarm was going to wake you up. Try and enjoy this lovely weekend and not think about the challenges of next week. You deserve a day of peace and calmness.
@tragicfarinelli Oh friend I am so sorry ā I know both you and your car will be fixed and you can start on your day one now. Our sobriety journey really just teaches us on how to cope with stresses and what healthy outlets to have on hand. Do not beat yourself up over this -rather - dust yourself off and start anew. We are here for you / with you! 
Oh love - we need support and each other to get through this addiction - together we are stronger.
@rob11 grateful that you are seeing having gone to the center as a positive thing. I do think it did change your perspective and did help you out. It does suck to not feel heard and be fed one liners over and over again. I personally do not have experience with working the steps and not sure how that would correlate it with healing from trauma. Hopefully someone here can help. Have you considered a new sponsor?
@noshame How lovely it is to be able to see our growth in other peopleās eyes. You have come a long way my friend and I do appreciate your determination. Keep going strong.
@butterflymoonwoman I know itās a struggle to jump in and reconnect with our HP. Grateful that you pushed through with a distracted prayer. Donāt give up trying - it will click for you. 
YEAH to paying off the cc. What an amazing feeling that must be! I do hope you have a marvelous day.
@JuliaLuna You are doing it - you are living a life without alcohol. Without being under the influence ā you truly can do and accomplish anything you put your mind to.
@Deelzebub How are you doing beautiful? I hope that you and the kids are enjoying your lovely Saturday together.
@Bomdhil Whatās happening Thomas!
Checking in on Saturday morning
I am enjoying this quiet Saturday morning (soon to be afternoon) thus far. My body does feel heavy - thatās ok - iām about to spend some time doing light stretching, some deep breathing and some meditation ā right after i water my plants (ugh-- having had some painful days - i forgot about my babies - luckily they still look good).
Hope you all have a wonderful addiction free day - sending everyone much love
17 Likes
Iām having a terrible time of it Jasmine. Iāve had to take two extra half doses of my antipsychotic (doctor has said thatās fine) just to stop my brain from turning over. Itās the evening now and Iām just eating a store bought pizza that I had delivered by a delivery service, because I donāt have the wherewithal to make the usual pizzas from scratch this week.
I woke up soaking wet this morning as my hot water bottle had leaked 
I have spoken to my parents several times today for support, and I even called the crisis number but I didnāt find that very helpful. I think the extra medication has helped a bit though.
Thanks for thinking of me, I really appreciate it 
14 Likes
You arenāt broken you just havenāt figured out what works yet, same with the car.
Re-group, pick yourself back up and add in a sober tool or two. Maybe itās time for quit lit, a workout with a sobriety podcast or a meeting.
Cars will always break and wine will always be an option. You have to figure out what will work for you.
Iām proud of you for checking back in. Sending you some kindness today.
9 Likes
22
Evening checkin.
Sober at homeā¦
Super tired and exhausted, bit cold.
I noticed today my bed is broken and done, so I need a new one. I choose one 2 years ago and I still like it!.. So I think - thats it. Itās peach 
New apartment, new bed for a sober sleep.
I decided not to go swimming lately this Saturday, as regular, as my body says it is tired! Just a soft yin yoga stretch with candles in ready for (old) bed clothes. Thatās enough. Hope there will be something silly or whatever on TV to watch.
Happy without him by the way, no signs of love addiction. Bye boy!
23 Likes
Hello Sweet Delia - first of all HUGS - deep warming comforting hugs for you my dear friend. I am so sorry that this feeling / brain activity is just not letting you go.
Waking up in a wet mess from a leaked water bottle does not sound like a great way to start off the day.
I love that some store bought pizza is so damn delicious and a great go to when we just donāt have the energy or the want to make from scratch. You are absolutely killing it with meal prep and healthy food options and i do think you deserve to give yourself a break. You did recently get the Hello Fresh (i believe that was for this week) - how has that panned out?
I wish i knew more about what you were going through so that i could be helpful. Just know you are in my thoughts and i do wish you to be well and feel amazing. I am here if you need to talk (not sure if talking will help). Hopefully doing things that make you happy, the aromatherapy (maybe even some essential oils for the body to help calm down the nerves) and surrounding yourself with laughter may be useful.
Oh so grateful for meditation!
4 Likes
Saying hi, 33 days AF today. Chilly and cloudy here in New England, but the move to New Mexico is getting very close, have a conference call with the builder and realtor shortly. Making lots of connections with peeps in the TLC community, plus thereās a definite writer presence in that community which is very inspiring to me as someone who enjoys writing and wants to publish. Iām getting used to the unknown and although itās uncomfortable, I am seeing it as possibility, as opposed to the ācomfortā of the known, which for me was go about my day, get nothing terribly productive done, then drink in the evening, rinse and repeat. Iām in a good place right now. Love to you all 
21 Likes
Day 11.
Checking in. Working on staying in the moment. Meditation and a nice long walk.
Great 24 all! 
19 Likes
Awwā¦TF glad you came right back. Lots of courage in that.
Hey. I copied this a while a go when I first started. I kept it handy and read it whenever I thought 
maybeā¦ā¦ā¦
Anyway I thought Iād pass it on to ya if that addict brain sneaks back up on ya. Pull it out and read it. And reach out. We got your back.
Itās just for today.
You chose to quit drinking, and you have the complete freedom to choose to drink again at any point.
The reason that you havenāt is because you accepted the truth that once you take that first drink, all bets are off. You came to the conclusion that for you, it is no longer worth the risk.
Remember that one drink will lead to others and you will eventually be drunk. Remember what happened to you in the past as a result of your drinking. Think of every reason you have learned for not taking that drink.
If you quit now you will end up where you first began. And when you first began, you were desperate to be where you are right now. Keep going!!
18 Likes
@Clarity
Was just thinking of you Sarah. Hope everything worked out well for you this week.
I know you have been dealing with a lot - just know we are here for you 
4 Likes
Day 91
Restful day, feeling blessed to be free from alcohol.
Duty free was full of it, as was venice
Its so prevalent considering how harmful it is
21 Likes
Congratulations on your 5 years of freedom Dan. And an ODAAT.
Thatās amazing!! Thanks for leading the way for us and showing us how itās done no matter what life throws our way.
Real sorry to hear about the wife getting fired. That sucks. But being sober, as you know, yāall will figure it out.
So happy for your 5 years!!
Thanks for being here.
5 Likes
Checking in with 90 days today. feeling proud of myself for reaching this milestone, every day gets more and more manageable
Have a good Saturday everyone 
22 Likes