Congrats on the 90 days Katie.
Great job 
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Way to go Katiee-- you are crushing it!
HAPPY SATURDAY
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Congratulations on 3 months!!! Wow excellent work!
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Wow Ericā¦ I know that ur post wasnt directed to me but i really needed to read that. This hit me like a ton of bricks:
I have to admit, this made me tear up. I have been having alot of using thoughtsā¦ thinking i can do it once and everything will be fine. Even though I think this, I also know that this isnt true and that it never ends at just once. History shows me this and my mind just likes to lie to me. Im aware of the lies which im grateful for but i wish that i didnt have these thoughts to begin with. I remember being sooo desperate to quit and begging God to help me get out of that destructive cycle. And here i am now out of that cycle and it bothers me immensely that I still have these ridiculous thoughts of using. I totally see that im rambling but I guess what Im trying to say is thank you and if u dont mind i am going to save that and read it when i get those thoughts again.
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Evening Check In
Day 587
Work was super slow today. Sooo slow that i was actually able to leave at 230pm. Grateful for that i guess bcuz i honestly just wanted to come home. I picked up coffee on the way for me and hubby and then once home relaxed and watched a show. Its been a pretty chill evening. I have homecare tonight thankfully for my son but then tmrw I will have to do the shift. So im hoping to get alot of good solid rest tonight. Ya not much else is going on. Jusr a regular clean and sober night. Luv to u all TS fam! 
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Im finally free to share this. I am almost 43 days sober. Ive been exercising yes exercising has helped me and im finally seeing it. I judged myslef through drinking now i can do it with out. Im the still chunky but i love it!!
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Excellent work Tara, on all fronts, but as we are a sober forum, especially on your 43 days of sobriety! Congrats!
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Congratulations on ur sober time 
and to ur new healthier lifestyle
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Day 51
Just checking in
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day 570 of no self harm
Iāve actually been considering self harm lately. I havenāt felt like this since I was 13 or so and I never thought Iād get back to that point. but here I am.
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looking great Tara - well done on your 43 days of sobriety and feeling great and loving yourself again. Keep up the great efforts - the benefits of sobriety will continue 
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Oh Megan I am so very sorry that you have been struggling with these thoughts lately.
Can you call a help line to talk out your feelings? You have made it 570 days my friend - this is no small feat! Dig back in your toolbox to use the sources you need right now. Possibly check in a few times a day to stay connected with us here. 
some things i found on a self harm distraction website (couldnāt copy link for some reason) to try to help you move past the self harm urges:
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scream as loud as you can
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Hit a cushion / punch bag / throw a cushion against a wall
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smash a watermelon / pumpkin
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kick a ball against a wall
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squeeze a stress ball
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Squeeze ice really hard
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Tear up a newspaper or paper into small pieces
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play loud music and dance energetically - be as wild as you like
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draw on the place you want to cut with a red marker pen, fake blood or watered down food coloring
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write words on yourself with a red marker pen
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spend some energy - go for a walk if possible (have you been using your cane?)
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ask yourself ādo i feel angryā ādo i feel anxiousā what about?
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ask yourself āwhat would the razor blade say if it could talk to meā?
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write a letter to someone youāre angry with saying how you feel (just to put your feelings on paper - no need to send the letter)
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write a list of your achievements
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write a letter to yourself saying āi love you becauseā¦ā
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Make a list of things youāre thankful for
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Make a wish list
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talk to a friend
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call a help line
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allow yourself to cry
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Sitting here with my dog on a Saturday night n actually feel content
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136 days af, 56 no vape, 15 days no disordered eating. All the triggers were in my face tonight for āgirls nightā. So happy to lay down my head sober and wake up tomorrow knowing I had the strength to say no thank you. Odaat, good thoughts and virtual hugs to all
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Morning all, 17 days sober and its been an ok couple of days. Slept ok ish last night. I could do with a few hours more sleep but have to go to work. Im really looking forward to a saxophone lesson later today. I do need to get to an AA meeting or Recovery Dharma as I havnt been to one in a few days! Im feeling okā¦which is ok!
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Day 202
Still covid positive, but symptoms arenāt as bad as the last two infections. Spending my time on the sofa, working on a big crochet dragon. Will share a picture on the crafty thread when itās finished.
Hope you all have a lovely sober and covid free day 
@HoofHearted Congratulations on your 5 years. I shall name the dragon Dan, in your honor 
As an inspiration for strength and resilience. Iām sorry you and your family are in limbo after these disappointing news, but Iām sure the universe has a plan for you.
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Very late night check in. Work was good. Steady. We were done by 9:30. A few were going out again, the usual place. I had my ginger beer and a great time. Another coworker from the pro shop was there too. Heās worked there for 7 years and I hardly knew him so it was nice to get to know him better. They were talking about how theyāre starting a dart team so I suggested we play. My parents were in leagues for decades. My dad was āthe bullseye king of western NYā in the newspaper. Oh how I let down the family legacy 
I sucked! I did get 2 bullseyes tho 
I feel very grateful to have these people who have seen me in some of my worst states (while at work), one whoād driven me home on real bad nights, and now see how Iāve changed. I can talk about any and all of it and they understand why I quit. Even some new people we played darts with I was able to speak freely of my disease. I am what I am and I am not ashamed anymore. That feels good.
Anyhoo 
my night owl self should be in bed, as usual. Hoping to have a great day off tomorrow. Hoping the same for you all 
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Day 6:
What a long day, exhausted to say the least. My girlfriend left at 6am for her move back east. Emotional for sure, but part of me is relieved itās over. This has been drawn out over the last two months and knowing the end is lingering is heavy. Time to move forward.
Spent the day by myself, lazy day enjoying some good college football, Utah won so thatās always good. Looking forward to a good nights rest.
I think the detox is finally at itās end. Slept better last night, night sweats have almost disappeared. I was messaging with a friend from here and brought up how toxic alcohol is. The pain the body goes through when you stop drinking speaks volumes. So crazy Iāve had to go through this three times. Going to do everything i can to make this the last time.
Feeling at peace with where I am right now.
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Morning all, checking in on Day 10. Busy day today, planned with precision to fit it all in. Should be back for 2pm to watch the North London Derby.
I didnāt sleep very well last night, a lot of anxiety and strange thoughts. My husband also reminded me this morning that (in his words) āat one stage I awoke to the love of my life pushing me away from her 2 handed, and there may have been a footā. Whoops 
In my defence, he was on me and snoring!
Have a good day everyone. Thank you all for sharing, reading here keeps me focused.
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I think you have done so well to stay grounded and sober at this time, well done. Glad the detox is ending. You are absolutely right about how toxic alcohol is. William Porterās Alcohol Explained is regular reading for me at the moment, reminding me just how alcohol and my brain works. Really helping. Have a lovely day, hope the peace continues.
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