Your post and strength brought tears to my eyes. I too have always wanted to be a sober mom, so that I did not repeat the cycle I grew up in…and also, i just genuinely prefer beinf sober! That feeling of preferring not to drink or not even thinking of reaching for a drink or doc will come if it hasnt already. Everyones story with that seems to be different, but I hope you hold on to that HOPE & know you are not alone. I hope my share did not bring any burden, and you feel free to VENT AWAY on here. This place has been a godsend for me, and you may notice if you see me around i talk about the challenges of beinf a mom A LOT.
@Dazercat@JennyH@Soberbilly@Mira_D@CATMANCAM
Thank u all so much for the congratulations! You all made me smile today. Every day frew from our addictions is truly another day to celebrate
Checking in Day 600
This afternoon and evening have been sort of hard. Im having more using thoughts and urges. They are practically almost daily now. I dont quite understand why they happen at this point in my recovery (mind u 600 days is still very early compared to the 22 years of addiction I was in). I hear the lies that my mind is telling me and i play the tape to the end to combat that, but its like a back and forth battle in my head. Arguing over n over. Its annoying A part of me wishes I could use (but without all the consequences that come with it) but then am also truly grateful that Im clean.
I dont know what im doing wrong in my recovery. I dont have that spark or excitment for recovery right now. Idk whats wrong with me. Maybe if i was more involved on here. Maybe if i prayed more. Or picked up a hobby again. Maybe if I was more active in my recovery, i wouldnt be having these thoughts. And honestly… if it wasnt for my husband being so against using, i may not have gotten to 600 days. Thats me being completely honest. If my husband offered the option to use, i dont know 100% that I couldve said no. And thats scary to say and think about. I dont ever want to go back to that life and it bothers me immensely that i cant seem to get my recovery groove back. This is very similar to what happened 14 years ago when i had got my 3 years clean. Then relapsed and stayed out in the problem for over a decade. I dont want to make the same mistake again. Has anyone gone thru something similar? Just needed to get this off my chest. I need something for my recovery but idk what it is
Your answer may be more simple than you think. Maybe all your recovery needs is for you to give yourself a break, and just let go. Trust the process, youre an addict and if youre anything like me you will still be having thoughts about drugs at almost 4 years. Like you said its how we dealt with life for most of our days. When my addict shows up these days to help me not feel overwhelmed or wants to help me celebrate, I find some compassion for her. Thats the only way she knows how to live and its my job as a 49 yr old woman in recovery to teach her and show her how to do things right. I dont get frustrated and berate my child when she doesnt know how to do things, so I am trying really hard not to do that to all of the parts of me who are still learning too.
Dana, busying ourselves with all the “stuff” wont fix us spiritually if we are too busy being busy to be present. Try just being… its a lot easier and it feels way better to me.
If i could love ur post 100x, i absolutely would U have such a way with words and i have always admired ur strength and determination for a better life. And have also admired the compassion that u show urself. Thats something that i strive for.
When u said “trust the process”, that really hit me for some reason. I feel scared right now but am grateful that i havent slipped up. Just trusting that im exactly where i am supposed to be in this moment… working on my recovery. Trusting the process is what im going to remind myself when i start thinking of using.
And ur right… busying myself too much with things does remove me from the present moment. And now that I think about it maybe thats what im trying to escape. I have a very hard time just being still, being in the moment, being with myself and my thoughts, just being basically. I think uv helped me realize something. I think thats what i need to work on moving forward. Im too busy in my head. I need to silence it a bit. Thank you my friend And thank u for the congratulations
Definitely not the Friday i wanted, but it’s finally winding down. Work was intense and long today, 13 hours long! Usually Fridays are awesome because my guys all work hard so they can get home to start their weekend. Not today! Anything and everything that could go wrong did. Took a lot of patience, but work is finally over!
I had plans to go to a small concert tonight, but after the long day and limited sleep decided it was best to pull the plug on that plan and just hunker down for the night.
The last three nights, when I’ve been home, i haven’t turned the tv on or listened to any music, I’ve just layed on the couch absorbing the silence. It’s been therapeutic in a way. As if my body is just releasing all of the chaos I’ve put it through the last year.
I just let my mind go, there are moments of racing thoughts, moments of happiness and sadness, thoughts of the future, of the past and moments where i just feel myself breathe. But I’m in the moment, i am loving feeling all of these feelings. Allowing my mind and body the time to reset, restart.
I’ve been hoping this would translate into 8 hours of blissful sleep at night, but my mind isn’t ready to go there yet, in due time.
But for now I’m enjoying finding myself again, reprioritizing and remembering who i am and the life i want and deserve to have.
Enjoying the calm and silence sobriety is offering right now.
Happy birthday to me! My first birthday sober. It was a great day. Dinner with friends that support and love me.
I’ve been struggling a bit but have not drank. Alcohol has been on my mind more than normal but I’m with sober friends this weekend,
These 111 days away from alcohol have given me such a different perspective of life. My anxiety is gone, my depression is under control. For the most part life is good. My emotions are under control.
I’m so thankful and grateful for my sobriety? The abundance in my life, for the support of this community.
Happy first birthday sober Dana.
Now that’s a milestone Congratulations. I remember my first. Enjoy that prideful feeling all weekend long. You deserve it. @DanaM56
I really habe to think about it and I don’t think that I am excited to be in recovery. It’s my life now. Not more not less. There are moments when I am faced with the consequences addiction can bring that I am grateful that I chose another way while it was still possible. Sometimes I am hoping that what I share here is helping others too. When it comes to having a drink or something with people then I am sometimes proud to say that I don’t drink. But I am often the only one being proud then now, I think it’s really more of gratitude and relief that I chose the exit.
Congratulations on 600 days @Butterflymoonwoman
I’m sorry you’re struggling with your thoughts about using. The addiction voice is telling you lies and I’m glad you already see it.
I love @Its_me_Stella 's words. Love the picture you create of this inner child who doesn’t know better, Stella. It’s so inspiring and encouraging.
You all made me smile today. Every day frew from our addictions is truly another day to celebrate
A part of me wishes I could use (but without all the consequences that come with it) but then am also truly grateful that Im clean.
Congratulations. I remember my first. Enjoy that prideful feeling all weekend long. You deserve it.
now, I think it’s really more of gratitude and relief that I chose the exit.