H.ungry A.ngry L.onely T.ired

[I.cant.We.can]

For those who don’t know halt is an acronymn for Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. The idea is to use this acronym as a tool to recognize what is troubling you and likely causing you to relapse or putting yourself at risk of one. If you have one or many of these symptoms left untreated for too long you likely won’t be feeling very happy or healthy.
For myself this was a tool I used heavily earlier in my recovery and worked quite hard at ridding myself of the anger part. Lately as I close in on 700 days I notice that lonely and tired are the two that creep in the most. Glad I notice these things now cause it does help to acknowledge them and then it can be fixed.
So now back to the anger and how it seems to creep back in occasionally, so I must get honest and share that. I am angry that covid is still happening. I am angry that so many of my friends have died because of drugs and alcohol. I am angry that my housemates, friends, sponsees, supports on here keep relapsing. I am angry that it makes my addict think why cant I too. I am tired that it feels like no matter how far I go or how often I reach out I am alone. I am tired and angry and hungry that my decades of drug abuse has caused my digestion to be horrible and I am struggleing to eat for months now, maybe longer. I hope the specialist my doctor is sending me too can help. I am angry that I work around all this good food but when I eat it, it tastes great but I feel crappy later. I’m lonely now that I am still single for years now. I am lonely that I can’t go for the support and fellowship that has helped me thrive because the treatment center now considers me out of the “bubble”. I can’t go visit. That is some serious bull shit I spent over a year cooking their meals, running their NA and AA meetings for them, getting asked to work with their “hard” cases and sent to run for groceries and supplies for the meetings, now I cant even go visit because I am trying to better myself and started a paying job instead of volunteering for them. Super angry and built resentment, trying to let it go. I have expressed this before but it needs to be said again, keeping all this in as it resurfaces is toxic. It is hard to watch people falter. It is hard to show compassion when you feel unheard. I am making progress for those who have been following me, you know this but the struggle is real. I am grateful that I can share this. So it is late and I am tired which is one of the symptoms of HALT I expressed my anger, i ate a a snack, i will call a friend quickly in a minute to not feel so lonely and then go to sleep to help the tired. Trying my best, Hope you all try your best too.
God bless you all. &

p.s. never created a topic before not sure how this will even count it probably already is one… anyway. don’t ever forget you are awesome. Ya you!!

[Lisa07]

Aww Brian. I hear you my friend. I don’t have any great advice but I do see you making amazing progress. Remember what we say in AA…sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly and progress, not perfection. I didn’t realize you weren’t still part of the “bubble”. After all that time you volunteered, I assumed you could come and go as you please. That really sucks. I know what that place and people meant to you. I sure hope your doctor can get to the bottom of your stomach issues. In the meantime, I’m sending you lots of love and strength. Rest well tonight.

[Alisa]

You are doing your best and that’s so important. I’m glad you’re talking about how you feel. That’s just really a drag about not being able to go back into your support group, where you were volunteering. Super sorry about that. I hope that there is another one that you can get into where you will feel as helped as I’m sure you will be helpful.
I hope that you will have a good sleep tonight.
You know your peeps are here for you.

[RosaCanDo]

Wish I could give you a big hug. Sometimes life is all work and we feel it more. I can absolutely relate.

[LeeHawk]

Great post and topic, my friend. HALT is invaluable. I hope you get some good rest tonight and your new specialist cal help you. So grateful that you shared this tonight.

[Dazercat]

Not only is HALT a great topic my friend. But you showed us all exactly how to use it. And in real time. You’re pretty special doing that. This post should be mandatory reading for every one here.

I’m pretty sick of Covid too. For many reasons. But I guess we really got to dig deep in the serenity prayer on that one. I know I’m doing the best I can for me and my family. That’s all I can do.

And that policy at your place sucks. Did you know about that before? I’m sure they must have some kind of a reason for a policy like that. It might not be a good reason. But they have a policy they got to enforce. Could be insurance. I don’t know. But I would feel like shit too after all the hard work volunteering you have done their. I don’t know what else to tell ya.

@I.cant.We.can

I am angry that it makes my addict think why cant I too.

Tell that addict voice it’s because your an addict. That’s why. And you’re worth so much more. And you prove that to yourself every day.

And for your first topic. You hit a home run there buddy.

I hope you’re sleeping well.
See you on the gratitude thread in the morning.
Love you man.
Ya you.

[Its_me_Stella]

I think that is pretty crappy about the house not allowing you there for fellowship and meetings. I can’t imagine they want any harm done to you Brian so maybe they have had bad experiences in the past and that rule needed to be made for people’s safety. I 100% understand why you feel “discarded”, I wish you could still go.

You are right about it being hard when people around us fall off the rails. I haven’t thought “maybe I will too” instead I have though" whoa look how easy that can happen." We love each other a lot I in recovery because we really get each other, the level of intimacy is like no other. I am really grateful to be able to experience that, but I am also terrified to get too close to people in recovery. After losing our homegroup member the other day all of my fears were solidified… I will lose people I care about from the rooms.

I hope you get a good rest tonight and that you feel a little lighter getting this stuff off your chest. I hate that you feel alone, you aren’t alone that’s your disease getting in your ear.

Love you.

[Mephistopheles]

A lot of those things that you are angry about seem to be things that you might be able to apply the serenity prayer and it’s philosophy to.
Serenity to accept the things I can not change.
Acceptance is the key. Most things around me, are things that I have zero control over. There is absolutely no reason why I would intentionally want to hurt myself by expecting them to go my way.
Learning this took me some time. It took also continuous conscious effort. But the reward was awesome. It made serenity possible.
Second part of the prayer says courage to change the things I can. That meant that I would learn to focus on changing the harmful things that I had control over. This meant eating, sleeping, exercising, socializing, etc etc.
Third part was the mental divider.
And wisdom to know the difference.
This one takes continuous conscious effort. Without this part, the things that I can’t change and the things I can get mixed together in my mind. That creates chaos. That creates all kinds of negative impact. Thinking about it now, the third part is what keeps this all together.
My HALT stays in order, if I live in the spirit of the serenity prayer.
That is why, for over 1400 days I have started every single day with it. First thing when I open my eyes, I say the serenity prayer out loud. Then reflect on what it means to me that day. What are the things I must accept, and to focus on the things I can change.

Good on you for making your anger and resentment visible.
Have a great sober day.

[JasonFisher]

This is a great topic and one I need to stay focused on as I’m beginning crab season.

Halt is something I pay attention to in my recovery.

The holidays trigger loneliness. I’m single. My kids live far away.

I’m about to enter hungry angry and tired.

We will be working stupid hours. It’s easy to get angry at everything when your tired.

We snack when we can. Boat food gets old. I start craving full coarse meals. It makes me hungrier.

I have to remind myself I’m doing this voluntarily.

My hands swell and start throbbing. It’s hard to fall asleep. Muscle cramps add to the difficulty in sleeping.

Yesterday, I was craving pain pills. Not for now, but for the next few weeks. I was surprised how strong of a trigger it was. I suspect loneliness from the holidays added to it.

Halt symptoms can make me crazy. The fuck It’s get louder. Destructive drinking thoughts start.

Fortunately, I have you guys with me out there. I will check in every chance I get. I start a 24 hour grind in 2 hours.

Thanks for the topic. Higher power is working for me through you!

PS. Fuck covid!

[LeeHawk]

Hey Jason, I will be thinking of you out on that shift. That does sounds brutal. Glad that you can check in here. HALT is absolutely real and the OP and your post are right on. Thanks for sharing this.

[ChrisR]

Wow you have certainly come a long way and have a chance to define yourself in a new way now…

[LAB]

Thank you for teaching me more about HALT. I think this is super helpful.

Perhaps if we could teach it to young kids and families it could prevent or slow down the behaviors that become addiction.

Your details help me really see the struggle. I hope you have a better day. Please know your 700 days are an inspiration.

You are on my mind and I wish you peace and health.

[Mno]

I’m sorry for your anger. For the tiredness. For the problems with eating. And for the loneliness. I feel for you friend. Then again, you are becoming ever better in recognizing what’s bothering you. That’s the first necessary step in doing something about them. By either learning to accept the circumstances, or to do something about them. In fact in my opinion you are making massive progress. One day at a time.
I am very sorry for the treatment center closing you out. That’s really rotten. That’s something you’ll have to accept for now, and work on finding something to replace that right? Thanks for sharing Brian. Important helpful stuff this. Take care my awesome friend.

[TigerMatriarch]

Thank you for sharing that Brian. Congrats on your long stretch of sober days. I’m glad you were able to express you emotions this way. I hope it helps you come to terms with your issues. Bottled up anger and loneliness can be very destructive.

[Its_me_Stella]

Thinking of you Brian, how are you feeling today???

[I.cant.We.can]

I am well thank you. Getting tired, I have worked seven straight days, work again tomorrow morning, so it’s an understandable and good tired. Had a fantastic NA meeting that I just got back from. My homegroup. I needed it . Saw some friends and a sponsee, shared a little. So not as full of HALT today even though I am hungry and tired, there is an easy solution(eat and sleep) Hope you are doing well. If i’m being honest, which I try my best to be. I made this topic partly to earn a badge for starting a topic. I also made it thinking it may help someone. And lastly I made it so I didn’t have to work gratitude into everything, which I can do as it is the thread I use and frequent the most, but this served a nice multipurpose and keep it simple approach. God bless you!

[Pdebs]

This is a wonderful thread!! I admire the honesty and realness of it. I am glad I stumbled upon it tonight. Makes me not feel so alone. Also, I’m glad to hear you had a good meeting tonight! Hope you get a day off soon.

[I.cant.We.can]

I have wednesday off

[Dazercat]

Thanks for the update.
And starting this thread.

[Its_me_Stella]

I’m glad you’re feeling better, I need a meeting too.