For those who don’t know halt is an acronymn for Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. The idea is to use this acronym as a tool to recognize what is troubling you and likely causing you to relapse or putting yourself at risk of one. If you have one or many of these symptoms left untreated for too long you likely won’t be feeling very happy or healthy.
For myself this was a tool I used heavily earlier in my recovery and worked quite hard at ridding myself of the anger part. Lately as I close in on 700 days I notice that lonely and tired are the two that creep in the most. Glad I notice these things now cause it does help to acknowledge them and then it can be fixed.
So now back to the anger and how it seems to creep back in occasionally, so I must get honest and share that. I am angry that covid is still happening. I am angry that so many of my friends have died because of drugs and alcohol. I am angry that my housemates, friends, sponsees, supports on here keep relapsing. I am angry that it makes my addict think why cant I too. I am tired that it feels like no matter how far I go or how often I reach out I am alone. I am tired and angry and hungry that my decades of drug abuse has caused my digestion to be horrible and I am struggleing to eat for months now, maybe longer. I hope the specialist my doctor is sending me too can help. I am angry that I work around all this good food but when I eat it, it tastes great but I feel crappy later. I’m lonely now that I am still single for years now. I am lonely that I can’t go for the support and fellowship that has helped me thrive because the treatment center now considers me out of the “bubble”. I can’t go visit. That is some serious bull shit I spent over a year cooking their meals, running their NA and AA meetings for them, getting asked to work with their “hard” cases and sent to run for groceries and supplies for the meetings, now I cant even go visit because I am trying to better myself and started a paying job instead of volunteering for them. Super angry and built resentment, trying to let it go. I have expressed this before but it needs to be said again, keeping all this in as it resurfaces is toxic. It is hard to watch people falter. It is hard to show compassion when you feel unheard. I am making progress for those who have been following me, you know this but the struggle is real. I am grateful that I can share this. So it is late and I am tired which is one of the symptoms of HALT I expressed my anger, i ate a a snack, i will call a friend quickly in a minute to not feel so lonely and then go to sleep to help the tired. Trying my best, Hope you all try your best too.
God bless you all. &
p.s. never created a topic before not sure how this will even count it probably already is one… anyway. don’t ever forget you are awesome. Ya you!!