Middle of the night check in.
After sleeping well all week, my little girl has been up every couple of hours tonight. I’m tired, but otherwise feeling healthy.
I am happy with myself that I didn’t drink at the long Halloween party I was at today/tonight. Feeling like crap and having beer breath at 3AM comforting a child would not be a fit for me.
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121 days of freedom
TW drugs, sex
H was high last night (ofcourse, weekend). I don’t like to talk with him when he’s on coke, he is so smart in a stupid way then. Kind of intellectual Captain Obvious. And we argued, like usuall. He is mean because I’m cold, and I am cold cause he is mean.
I know I could easily make him feel better by giving him compliments, telling how smart he is, how handsome etc. But I’m not that kind of person FFS. I don’t like this fake bullshit. He needs constant appreciation. Since I know him, he always have the same haircut. And he is cutting his hair every week, every 10 days maybe. And he can’t stand that I dont tell him that he looks good, that it’s nice haircut… Man, I don’t see those 2mm missing, grow up. In our relationship he is the one who always have to look good, even when he go throw the garbage out 
I can go in my morning robe, I really dont care. And what’s wrong with me that I can’t make that effort and tell him those compliments, it cost nothing. But I can’t…
I’m gonna make November Compliment the Narcist Challenge 5 compliments per day. If it will make my life easier and he will take that stick out of his ass and stop to be 99% of time angry, why not. Win-win 
He told me yesterday he can easily get appreciation from other women (he’s a plumber and he is often telling me some ladies were hitting on him etc) but then I shouldn’t be angry if he will cheat on me. If he’s not getting this from me (it’s mostly about bj’s that he would like to get as often as possible), he can get it somewhere else. And you know what, I’m thinking maybe it’s not such a bad idea. Fuck this shit.
He is 6 years younger than me (I’m 39, he’s 33), I’m probably at the end of day tired in a different way than him. He needs closeness, I just want to be left alone for a while.
I don’t know what’s gonna be with us. I think we are just terrible match.
You guys are my only one friend I’m telling all this crap. Sometimes I just need to vent.
Anyway, I’m sober and nobody gonna take this away from me
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Im not in your relationship so I don’t know what the dynamic is like but just based on this… here’s what I get.
That in itself says where his priorities lie. I’m not ignorant to the fact that a healthy sex life is important but that’s just a complete non-committed man and quite frankly a threat. I don’t know that this is the kind of attitude I would want from a partner especially someone who is still using. Perhaps a little lesson in humility will do him some good.
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Had a nice evening with my son yesterday. Had to bring him back to his mother after the soccer match, since she got some new medication for her recent heart failure. Didn’t see the link right away why that would be a reason for him to go back. But I didn’t make a fuzz or more about it and just let it go. Still feeling good or at least better then I felt in a long time. Need more planning and things to do for myself need to work on that. But watch my boundaries in the process. Maybe going to the gym, sauna or watch sports today. Having dinner left overs waiting for this evening feels good too. The feeling I’m moving still in the right direction. But it’s still a rollercoaster 
Have a good day! 
.
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Sorry if this is out of line, Mischa, but your husband is a dick. You are looking after 3 small children while working hard on staying sober. The emotional blackmail thing is absolute bullshit and only weak men with no integrity cheat. Even weaker men brag about having the opportunities to cheat in front of their wives.
The compliment the narcissist November thing made me laugh. You are doing so great, don’t let his stupid comments dim your light.
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Day 49 n still sober…gonna hit the Sunday morning meeting
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Day 147 AF.
It’s dreadful weather today so I cancelled my plan of visiting my friend this afternoon. It’s just a day for staying cosy.
My teenaged son has spontaneously started to tidy his room!
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1232. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Awww @Mischa84 I’m sorry to hear about your husband. He’s got a real problem, doesn’t he? You shine a light my dear, don’t let anybody interfere with your positive way of confidence and sobriety.
It’s a lovely view at your little square @Mno
Wonderful to watch the leaves change. Hope you have a nice shift again. Stay strong.
Hope you’re feeling better @JazzyS so sorry to hear about your health problems. Hope you can make time to rest and get well soon 
And THANK YOU @Soberbilly I always love your smart little GIF s 
and the penguins really are the best 
love it!!!
3 month for me today 
Dedicated this milestone to all of you! Thank you for having me here!
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Day
22 no Marijuana of any kind
172 no alcohol
103 no vapes or ciggs
Im off to work in a few
Have a beautiful sunday today
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I’m so glad seeing the days add on your sheet.
So proud of you!
Have a soft shift and a happy sober Sunday still!
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What wild weather. Gym and swim done by eleven am due to the clocks going back. Thankful for the extra hour…feel great 
Made tofu BLTs and watching footie. Starting to make some plans to pack for Scotland now, gotta get so much ready and sorted including my proper cameras. Been a while since I broke the old Fuji out…I have to decide which one to take and which lenses etc as I’m trying to travel light ish. We have a hire car anyway as soon as we get to Fort William, but I still hate packing everything/stuff I don’t use.
Anyway, it’s been a nice sober weekend, I might just be getting into the swing of this sobering again, it’s lovely. I am ready for what the week might bring, and I hope that’s some information on whether I will still have a job or not……dicks….
@Mischa84 you deserve better, that’s all I can say.
@JennyH the short term hardship will benefit you so much long term. Hang on in there.
Happy sober Sunday all 
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You cant be the antichrist because your not my ex wife lol (just kidding we get along now). Leave your door open and keep reaching out to him. Something is going on in his head thar he needs to work through it sounds like.
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Oh but I am having all of these, and always something more or something new. Just how it is, I probably deserve all of it for being such bad person.
I hope your pains dont stay and you feel better real soon
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Day 12. Happy Sunday! Feel good but didnt sleep the best. If there are any Supernatural fans out there I had a dream I was hunting a shape shifter lol. Yesterday was not as easy as last week probably because last weekend i was in bad shape just getting sober again and this weekend I feel good. Oh welldidnt drink I just soent hours putting together 200 trick or treat bags for my business (may have gained 5 pounds while doing it haha).
I need to work more on my 4th step but its bothering me. Im working on resentments and it is bringing up some really painful things fro. Past relationships (cheated on stuff). I thought i was over them but i guess not. I just need to get it down andbthen get it done.
Off to a meeting. Dang it was good to wake up at 6 on a Sunday and not start drinking! May check back i later. Have an awesome day!!!
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Awesome job on three months!! Keep on shining💫
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Checking in on day 109. I wish everyone strength and peace of mind. @Mischa84 , I hope things improve and your husband sees the light, and if he doesn’t,that you have an escape plan, cuz you don’t deserve to live like this and neither do your kids. @Kimpantera , I’m so impressed you have set that boundary. I hope one day I can do the same!
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Hi Mischa,
Far from me to be one to pass judgement on anyone else’s love life, relationship, sex life, home dynamic or anything else for that matter, however what you have described, to me, reads like a very toxic, one sided relationship. You sound to me to be making all the effort to please him with little in return.
The fact he is saying he can get attention elsewhere is never a great sign of commitment. Believe me, as someone who cheated in the past (no I’m not proud of it) I can honestly say that those were the thoughts I had before I strayed. Your partner / husband (sorry I don’t know your relationship status) may well be different, however whether he’s saying it because he’s considering it or if he’s saying it to manipulate you into things it is wrong and he is showing contempt for you and your feelings as well as your relationship.
Whatever choice you make with your relationship remember your happiness matters!
Sending you much love and strength and support whichever choice you make x
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@Mischa84 You know, that whole post just absolutely smacks of how extremely insecure this man must be and hes projecting all of it onto you, you know this right?
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