Good to see you here. 
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Glad to be back! Thank you!!
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Your answer may be more simple than you think. Maybe all your recovery needs is for you to give yourself a break, and just let go. Trust the process, youre an addict and if youre anything like me you will still be having thoughts about drugs at almost 4 years. Like you said its how we dealt with life for most of our days. When my addict shows up these days to help me not feel overwhelmed or wants to help me celebrate, I find some compassion for her. Thats the only way she knows how to live and its my job as a 49 yr old woman in recovery to teach her and show her how to do things right. I dont get frustrated and berate my child when she doesnt know how to do things, so I am trying really hard not to do that to all of the parts of me who are still learning too.
Dana, busying ourselves with all the āstuffā wont fix us spiritually if we are too busy being busy to be present. Try just beingā¦ its a lot easier and it feels way better to me.
ANDā¦
CONGRATS ON YOUR 600 FOOOOKING DAYS!!!
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If i could love ur post 100x, i absolutely would 
U have such a way with words and i have always admired ur strength and determination for a better life. And have also admired the compassion that u show urself. Thats something that i strive for.
When u said ātrust the processā, that really hit me for some reason. I feel scared right now but am grateful that i havent slipped up. Just trusting that im exactly where i am supposed to be in this momentā¦ working on my recovery. Trusting the process is what im going to remind myself when i start thinking of using.
And ur rightā¦ busying myself too much with things does remove me from the present moment. And now that I think about it maybe thats what im trying to escape. I have a very hard time just being still, being in the moment, being with myself and my thoughts, just being basically. I think uv helped me realize something. I think thats what i need to work on moving forward. Im too busy in my head. I need to silence it a bit. Thank you my friend 
And thank u for the congratulations 
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Day 18:
Definitely not the Friday i wanted, but itās finally winding down. Work was intense and long today, 13 hours long! Usually Fridays are awesome because my guys all work hard so they can get home to start their weekend. Not today! Anything and everything that could go wrong did. Took a lot of patience, but work is finally over!
I had plans to go to a small concert tonight, but after the long day and limited sleep decided it was best to pull the plug on that plan and just hunker down for the night.
The last three nights, when Iāve been home, i havenāt turned the tv on or listened to any music, Iāve just layed on the couch absorbing the silence. Itās been therapeutic in a way. As if my body is just releasing all of the chaos Iāve put it through the last year.
I just let my mind go, there are moments of racing thoughts, moments of happiness and sadness, thoughts of the future, of the past and moments where i just feel myself breathe. But Iām in the moment, i am loving feeling all of these feelings. Allowing my mind and body the time to reset, restart.
Iāve been hoping this would translate into 8 hours of blissful sleep at night, but my mind isnāt ready to go there yet, in due time.
But for now Iām enjoying finding myself again, reprioritizing and remembering who i am and the life i want and deserve to have.
Enjoying the calm and silence sobriety is offering right now.
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I love this! Hope u get a well deserved rest tonight 
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Checking in 111 days
Happy birthday to me! My first birthday sober. It was a great day. Dinner with friends that support and love me.
Iāve been struggling a bit but have not drank. Alcohol has been on my mind more than normal but Iām with sober friends this weekend,
These 111 days away from alcohol have given me such a different perspective of life. My anxiety is gone, my depression is under control. For the most part life is good. My emotions are under control.
Iām so thankful and grateful for my sobriety? The abundance in my life, for the support of this community.
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Happy first birthday sober Dana.
Now thatās a milestone 
Congratulations. I remember my first. Enjoy that prideful feeling all weekend long. You deserve it.
@DanaM56
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I really habe to think about it and I donāt think that I am excited to be in recovery. Itās my life now. Not more not less. There are moments when I am faced with the consequences addiction can bring that I am grateful that I chose another way while it was still possible. Sometimes I am hoping that what I share here is helping others too. When it comes to having a drink or something with people then I am sometimes proud to say that I donāt drink. But I am often the only one being proud then 
now, I think itās really more of gratitude and relief that I chose the exit.
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Just had a five month sober notification. 153 days. I thought I would pop and check in to share the good news!
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Congratulations on 600 days @Butterflymoonwoman 
Iām sorry youāre struggling with your thoughts about using. The addiction voice is telling you lies and Iām glad you already see it.
I love @Its_me_Stella 's words. Love the picture you create of this inner child who doesnāt know better, Stella. Itās so inspiring and encouraging.
Just being ā¦ Gonna be my mantra for today
Have a good sober weekend everyone!
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Hope you have a calm and relaxing sober weekend ahead.
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Happy Birthday! 
Glad you had a great day 
Congrats on 111 days too! Cool number 
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Much appreciated and hope you have the same as well!
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Happy belated birthday Dana
So glad to hear you had a great day with your friends and celebrated alcohol free.
Have a wonderful weekend and congratulations on your 111 days!!!
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233
Got some good sleep 
Had a good morning/afternoon. My daughters father was able to make it to town in time to get her off the bus (usually he picks her up from my parents). He recently switched jobs and I havenāt received child support since so I brought it up and he said, for the 4th week in a row, heās working on it.
Then, out of no where, he asked if he would be able to claim our daughter on his taxes. I didnāt think that made any sense since heās only been employed since June, plus Iām the custodial parent. He kept trying to argue how it made more sense and most of it would go to me bc of past due child support. I said no and right before they left he used the bathroom. I walked them out and came back in to a broken toilet. Handle snapped right off.
I immediately assumed he did it on purpose out of spite. He didnāt answer when I called. I canāt prove it, but I know how he is. Petty. Idk. I could be wrong but it put me in a bad mood right before work. It didnāt last long tho. Work makes me happy. Even tho it was deathly slow.
Itās pretty late, even for me, so Iām off to bed and able to sleep in as long as I want 
Hallelujah 
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Happy Birthday Dana! Happy you had a good one 
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Congratulations on your 5 month milestone X
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Happy Birthday Dana X
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Congratulations on 600 days ! Wow 
X
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