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Checking in
My skin calmed down a bit 
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Firstly, congratulations on 600 days, thatâs amazing. You had joined this community and got clean probably about 60 days or so ahead of me when I last got clean. I would have about 540 odd days now if I hadnât taken the fuck it bucket to the beach. Im on 13 days now again and I am in the flushes of first love with sobriety again, but donât get me wrong I have urges too. I just wanted to say that you are doing it, you are day to day kicking ass.
I would also be interested to see what others say to you, those with some heavy numbers behind their sobriety⌠It sounds as if maybe you need to look at HALT perhaps and apply some self love to reward your efforts around your sobriety? A bit of you time?
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Congratulations on your 30 days 
X
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7 months !! Wow 
X
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Thatâs shit. I would be fuming also. Try not to let it ruin your zen.
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Amazing, that feeling doesnât get old.
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Those first Sobers are the best⌠Just wait till Christmas!
Happy birthday to you!
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Day 105. Going to have a lazy day. Go for a walk to the shops, do some gardening, wqsh the cars for once in their lifetime and chill
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Great job Wolf 
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1581
I see lots of craves and urges and thoughts about using around. Maybe itâs the moon or the stars, for I had some too last night. I donât get those often these days. Last night I felt miserable. Group therapy left me feeling lonely and isolated, while it is supposed to help me feel more connection, to others and to myself.
The search I conducted for my own past and that of my parents and sis in the last weeks left me feeling empty and tired. Alone. Physically I didnât feel too swell either. So in bed, when I couldnât sleep and all these thoughts and feelings kept racing through my mind and body, I felt the urge to use and be gone from this world.
Recovery is building ourselves a life we donât feel the need to run from. Itâs daily work. And some days are better than others. I had a bad day yesterday, and maybe a string of not so good days before that. Sometimes itâs hard to keep going. Sometimes I want to escape into nothingness. Thatâs what I crave when an urge to use hits. A longing to not be here.
So what I need to do is keep working and keep building that life I find worth living. One day at a time. To keep looking for connection. Recognising what I need on any particular day. Deciding to rest and do nothing on a particular day is working on my recovery too. Iâm going to have as good a day as I can friends. Sober and clean. Hope you do too. Love.
@Butterflymoonwoman Keep going Dana. Nothing is worth using over. Life is still life and life sucks at times. But thereâs absolutely nothing using would make better. Congrats on 600 
Pic is Oostkapelle Beach, Zeeland, 2019. Good memories. Weâre in this together.
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Thank you for this post. Iâve read your words for many years now and they always have a way of bringing hope. I know theyâve helped me. Appreciate your honesty, transparency, vulnerability, strength and compassion. Now put that miserable day behind you and make today a much better day! Much love!
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Big hugs and deep thoughts for you when you are feeling the hurt, emptiness and aloneness you felt last night. The bad days, urges, and I cannot even imagine
you gone.
I know when you quit drinking you had felt that so much prior. Oh, if it was all so easy⌠but, alas, it is not.
Deepest admiration and respect for you for your honesty about your ârecovery and discoveryâ, sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings, and how sometimes, oftentimes, it is a very hard time for you personally.
As much admiration and respect for you for to keep looking and to make it a better day⌠and to try for the best day that you can.
I hope today ends up being super, better, better, better, than yesterday, and that you will feel better and go to bed with a lighter heart and spirit.
Hugs for your hurts, hugs for your joys⌠hugs for the bad, and hugs for the good.
Be safe and be well. Heart, mind, body. Sobriety.
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Checking in for day 342.
Been to a gym class this morning to clear the head, and now in the house with a coffee watching the rain and flooding outside.
Have a great Saturday everyone.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1210. I hope everybody has a good one!
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@Butterflymoonwoman Congratulations on 600 days. That is so great. I am sorry to hear that the addict voice is being loud right now. For sure, I have periods when I donât have a âspark or excitementâ for recovery. That zeal you feel when everything is improving rapidly is impossible to maintain. It is a bit like falling in love I think. You canât be crazy in love forever. It has to change into a quieter kind of companionship. But that is when you start missing the craziness of first love. I can understand your fears, but I truly believe that because you had that experience 14 years ago, you wonât let it happen again. I donât know what your previous clean time was like, but your growth this time that I have seen has been inspiring.
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Happy birthday! I love sober birthdays! May the next year be fulfilling and joyful!
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Day 1022,
Went to the soccer match of my son. My father and man of my brother also came. Now at my ex place were my son is taking a shower. She has stress because she might not be able to work anymore due to her heart problems. Laid my hand on her shoulders to sought her. Donât know why, just the way Iâm I geus. My stress levels are very high within myself. Going to my parents this afternoon for diner. My brother will join there as well, putting a lot of pressure on me. Iâm tired of explaining how Iâm doing. Appetite is still low, the emotions are blocking me. Just asked my ex how I look, she says good. I often ask people how I look due to my insecurity but of course they canât look inside my head. Yesterday evening I did a self-acceptance meditation. It worked somehow since I feel a little bit more grounded. One step at a time. Iâll stop, otherwise I start rambling even more.
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@Binx @Just_Laura @JazzyS @CATMANCAM
Thank you guys. I feel a bit better but still. Have not eat food, only chocolate, drinking water and coffee. Anxiety is not new for me, but allways find new ways to fuck me up.
And just to top it all, yesterday day my husband friend which he is wisting 2 hours away from here, call me saying my husband is in hospital his lung collapsed. He is all good and safe now, in hospital.
And I feel like crap today, headaches, tired. But Im sober!
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Day 22!
Feeling good.
T.
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