Coffee. One more late shift to go. Still kinda messy with some patients and a group situation at work. And there’s a staff meeting which is always great. Will make it through though. There’s some inspirational patients there too.
Wrote to my group therapist. No answer yet, and as it stands I don’t feel like going back. But that may change. Trying to to think a bit less in black and white. Not with addiction though. Never again. Have as good a day as you can friends. Sober and clean. Pic is inspired by @Soberbilly. It’s all black for me. Love.
I want to Thank to Everyone who gives support and to others. I really care about it. I do care about others too. I go with principles that you need to give without expecting anything in return. Forgive to everyone. No negativity in heart. Forgive to everyone. Especially To those who made harm as they need it the most. Negativity is only a limitation, we only limit ourselves that way. To open the heart might look sensitive in a way. Most people think of sensitivity as a weakness. It is not a weakness. It’s in todays western world, people tend to pretend something theyre not, build walls and etc. That is because of fear. That is a sign of weakness.
I feel a little bad that it is second time I mentioning (third time now) how I felt some negativity from some parts of community. It’s all good, it actually gived me some inspiration to concentrate on inner silence more, to go deeper within.
I feel good, I forgive to Everyone
I nearly slept through all of my alarms this morning for work lol. Happy Tuesday but feels like a Monday to me. Energy drink ready and I’ve got some apples to snack on throughout the morning. Going to be a long day at work but I’m blessed to see another day. Tired. Yesterday was a nice, cool, fall day and today the high is 67…. Come on. I feel good overall. My older brother called me last night and we talked on the phone for an hour. He recently moved to California for work and he’s been really busy. I always enjoy talking to him. We don’t talk nearly as much as we used to but he’s always there to remind me that he’s happy for me and he loves me, asks about my sobriety, seems really interested to know how I’m holding up pretty consistently.
Not much going on. Slept nearly nine hours AGAIN. Going to crack on with my work day and listen to some health podcasts (my current fave, enjoying Huberman) and get this day did. I have a swim booked at 5.30, so leaving work early to prioritise me. That feels good. I feel good.
Just waking up ugh, restless sleep. Saw the clock until after 4 am. Conversation with the doctor must have triggered some restlessness. Also the decision on the re-integration office and within two hours a talk with the elderly home were I can do some voluntary work. Seeing reality more clearly now, so now time to move forward and take it step by step. One thing needs to change and that’s everything sounds more true then ever. Overwhelming but it is what it is.
I’m getting further back into the things that I love that I had been neglecting due to the distraction of going out for drinks. Even more exciting is that I feel healthier in certain aspects that had concerned me. The brain fog is lifing for one, and I just feel more “with it.” This is honestly the best I’ve felt in years.
I was going downhill for a long time
I couldn’t do anything social without alcohol and I looked tirrrred. You could totally see it was taking a lot out of me
At my worst I didn’t see life without it
I’ve been at that point two different times
I was so bad
Saying bad things to people and getting yelled at to not remember what I said the next morning
I almost got beat up 2 times and slapped for messing someone’s order of alcohol up. The guy who slapped me was a badass so one day I was drunk and I went to pick him up alcohol so I could get him to buy me a beer.
When I got to the store I forgot I was there for him so I bought beer that I wanted lol. He wanted a bottle and I picked up a 12pack of my favorite beer.
He kicked the 12 pack when I put it down. I went back and drank the bottles that didn’t break
The worst is waking up and people are mad at you and you don’t remember why. The worst feeling ever
I would also drunk text and thought my phone got hacked but I was just too drunk
Quitting social media is going well, I didn’t even put the cellphone on my desk today. If it’s not there it can’t distract me.
While on lunch break I focussed on my meal and on talking with coworkers. Didn’t feel as lost as yesterday.
My mind is calmer, I love that!
No cravings for alcohol as well.
All is good.
Except the head, it hurts today because I was constantly sneezing yesterday. So no workout today. Hopefully tomorrow.
I feel good overall. My older brother called me last night and we talked on the phone for an hour. He recently moved to California for work and he’s been really busy. I always enjoy talking to him. We don’t talk nearly as much as we used to but he’s always there to remind me that he’s happy for me and he loves me, asks about my sobriety, seems really interested to know how I’m holding up pretty consistently.
Going to crack on with my work day and listen to some health podcasts (my current fave, enjoying Huberman) and get this day did. I have a swim booked at 5.30, so leaving work early to prioritise me. That feels good. I feel good.
