Day 115. Mid way through my working day. Listening to mumford and sons currently. It’s feeling incredibly autumnal now.
I feel quiet, quite focused tho. Have a fab day folks
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So glad you’re doing well with quitting social media. It’s amazing how easily these platforms can hook us! So, good on ya! Dr. Anna Lembke from Stanford University is an expert in addiction and she has a lot of interesting perspectives on this.
Have a great day!
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So, yeah, I’m checking in on day 97. 
, I’m closing in on you!!!
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@Soberbilly - I had a feeling I was going to get that reaction from someone when I typed that 
I know you guys are always here for me 
@Sabrina80 - I saw that you were deleting your social medias and just wanted to say I’m proud of you for that. You’re not missing anything important. Since it’s beginning, I found a fakeness in it that didn’t interest me. I never even had a Facebook account. This forum is the most social I am online and become overwhelmed when I need to catch up. I can’t imagine more platforms to keep track of. Good on you 
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Ugh guys I feel like absolutr SHIT this morning.
I am so emotiobal about my sister and nephew, and tired of dealing with everything I just feel overwhelmed. Dealing with 3 systems also that dont make a lick of sense (autism, legal and CPS) and that dont have anything to do with one another has been exhausting. I feel the responsibility of being the one to deal with these things, and its been very eye opening and disheartening to feel so judged by people for how I am handling things. Its that time of the month so I am feeling so fucking sensitive. I am trying to remember: the right thing is not always easy, the ones who matter are supportive and its not my business wgat others think of me.
Just GAH overwhelmed and tired. Going to sit and write a resume for the 1st time in 16 years my gosh! I have been dping the same thing for so long and im excited and need the change but also nervous too. I know that sitting and tjinking too much isnt good and i gotta just get going.
I dont think of myself as a procrastinator becauss I am always goung but I see in some ways I am! I am nervous and doubting myself avout taking this new step. Hubby is feeling overwhelmed as well and a bit cranky, and then kids were fighting this morning and there was shouting and yelling and I hate it. Have to be gentle with myself and I SUCK at that. Oooo i just want to curl up in bed. Havent felt that way in a long time; but to be totally honest Im feeling it today. Ill try to check in later and hopefully Ill have acted my way into better feeling XO TO EVERYONE hope you all are having an awesome day and IF NOT remneber THIS TOO SHALL PASS (saying this to self) xo
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Thank you for your kind words, this made me smile!
I feel overwhelmed easily too, that’s why I’m often not able to catch up. Every time I hope that nobody feels dissapointed because I often just post my stuff and don’t often react to others. It’s just too much sometimes.
I 100% underestimated the power of social media, the power of hitting that dopamine button again and again. I understand the mechanisms behind this, why we do what we do. But it’s hard for me to act accordingly. I know it’s not good for me, it’s not good for anyone. As you said, there is so much fakeness and nowadays you can’t even differentiate if it’s real because of AI. There have been good topics, good things I learned. But most of the time it causes stress and makes my mind go crazy.
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527, checking in.
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I feel the same way. Some days I just don’t have the time to read through it all and feel bad that I may have missed or not responded to something huge for someone. But I also remember there are sooo many people here that I couldn’t possibly interact with them all the time.
I am grateful I had those feelings towards SM early on bc, like you said, it’s faker than ever nowadays. I know myself and my anxiety. I don’t need to consciously add to it. I’m sure you’re feeling lighter being away from it 
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Congrats on your 2 years!! And thanks for the post, gives me motivation to get there!!
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@goku2019 it is crazy how anxiety and stress can play such intense roles in our health and body ailments and the kicker is that the pain we are in causes us more stress and anxiety so the circle is ongoing. I do hope you are able to find ways to let go and breathe. I find meditation, long walks in nature, laughter are what help me. For me – I did not feel like I had anxiety or stress in my life but now that I’ve taken a step back realize how crazy my day to day really was. Healing and soothing vibes your way 
@just_laura I have found that as I grow older I am like Goldielocks in the sense that the temp has to be just right. I can’t handle the cold or the heat. Like Billy said – we are your people. 
We are grateful to have you with us on our sober journey!
@catmancam I am grateful that you are doing the online and in person social groups and starting to feel less alone / ashamed. You are a caring a loving being and deserve some solid connections in real life ( you know you will forever have us in your corner). WOW – that unpacking was a task for sure. Sending you energy to finish up the cleaning. My day is kinda in slow motion today – need to get stuff done but waiting on others so I can do my part and the waiting is not my strong suit. I am also doing my hormone spit test today which ties my hands on when I can eat / drink throughout the day. I may take a nap soon. Sorry to hear about your nightmares 
@kanj98 I love that you and your brother are connected and he is concerned about your sobriety. How lovely to have that connection even if he is far away. I totally hear you on today feeling like a Monday. Yikes – two Monday’s in one week 
453 is amazing Kyle – keep up the amazing work
@noshame double digits WOOT WOOT 
and I see you 9 days away from your triple digits on vapes / cigs – so thrilled for you my friend. Keep living the amazing addiction free lifestyle 
@selflove_42 yeah to 75 days!!! Today’s the celebration dinner – right? Hope you have a fantastic time
@mira_d oh Mira I am so sorry that you are dealing with ALL of this shit and please remember that other people’s opinions do not matter. Fuck them for being judgmental. Noone can say how they would handle the situation you are in until they have been put in the same situation. You are doing what is best for you and your entire family (including your nephew). It disheartening that the system is so fucked and you are jumping through so many hoops with such contradictory information and no one is willing to help sort it all out. Much love to you my friend. Wishing you comfort and love – yes, this too shall pass
@looking4support I hope all goes well for you today with your case worker. You are juggling a lot on your plate and I do hope you find the time for self care and rest.
Checking in on Tuesday morning
It is a new day and was hoping to get things rolling with the house. I do hate waiting on others and unnecessary delays. I am trying to be patient and just go with it. It will all happen when it is meant to happen.
I am grateful to be sitting down today as i am not in the best physical shape. It will pass i know - i am trying not to think of the pain and will be practiciing some breathing meditations and slight stretches / massages that are meant to help.
I do hope you all have a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love
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Checking in on day 114, getting a little tired of the job I’m currently at, so I’m starting to look for new opportunities. Overall doing good, staying busy and working on myself daily
Sending positive vibes to everyone 
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So I am having a laugh attack AT myself right now, becayse I am reading about what happens when you dribk too much kombucha.
I actually googled can you drink too much kombucha and my husband said with a laugh that was the whitest search ever.
So you can, i confirm, dribk too much and I believe I have been for a good week now just like drinking 800ml bottles of home brrw and yes. You are not supposed to do that, and I laughing at myself right now. So thank you self for this hilarious moment; and just wanted to share it incase you too needed a laugh OR if youre wondering YES U CAN DRINK TOO MUCH KOMBUCHA 
And just to clarify, I looked it up BEFORE i went on this kombucha drinking rampage and it said yes. Yes Mira you can in fact over do it, and should only have one glass a day. And still; I proceeded. Hows that for heeding warning? Lol.
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@JazzyS Yes Indeed!
So i read on this site it’s important in your sobriety to celebrate your wins. We deal with enough trying to be Sober. Every 25 days i will celebrate with something tasty. Today is Day 75, Wild Boar Ravioli with a Tomato Vodka Cream Sauce.
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Need to come some place and be honest. The last weekend I went home which would of been the 7th, I got picked up things started off good, took my mom, girls and step dad to lunch and baught my girls some surprises. My mom said she saw a light in my eye that she hasn’t seen in forever and what’s the first fucking thing I do when I get to Tupper lake. Buy cocaine, I didn’t even think about it or care or try to stop myself. The next day the girls went to their mother’s, so I went and baught more boom 700 dollars down the drain. My mom even said please Michael don’t relapse, I promised I wasnt evening thoufh I already had. They brought my back home Monday and Idk I brought some home with me and when it was gone I was finally filled with remorse and guilt and felt like a shit father and son, I missed classes Weds and Thursday and didn’t really care. Friday came and I wanted more stuff, I couldn’t find anything in Plattsburgh so took a Uber to tupper lake and baught another 400 dollars worth of shit, stayed the night at my friends and then found a ride back to Plattsburgh the next day, when I got back to Plattsburgh I baught alcohol which I haven’t touched in over a year, so now I see it progressing just as quickly as ever. I finished what I had and slept the next couple days away Monday came and I missed group haven’t been in weeks, Ive just completely given up on everything and playing the pitty party. I obviously feel like shit for what I’ve done and idk just feel like a bit fucking failure. I’m a shitty father, whom knows what’s going to happen with college I just feel like nothing is right and I’m on the wrong path. I haven’t been honest with anyone I haven’t been honest with myself in months, all this fucking almost two years again down the fucking drain. All the rehab and half way house for what? Idk what I’m doing or where I’m going, took out loans for school and idk if that was the dumbest choice or not. I can’t be a counselor if I can’t be sober. Idk w.e I guess just coming here and getting this out of a step in the right direction, regardless I feel like a failure, my fricken daughters deserve better and the question is, what am I going to do differently? I don’t have a clue, I don’t know what else to do, idk if I ever actually put in any effort or fucking want this. I always wine and say I want it and then do absolutely fucking nothing. Expect wine and wine and wine with zero trys given. I wish I didn’t have kids so I could just be done with this stupid fucking life of mine. I seriously have zero idea on how to get this shit right my mind is fuckin shit
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Hey man. That is some stone cold honesty right there and I am grateful you let it out here.
Now, stop what you are doing. You were making great strides and something spooked you. Stop using to cover it up and figure out what you are running from. Reach out to your sobriety groups TODAY and get to a meeting. Call your college and ask for the next steps.
You are a kind and loving father and a good human who deserves a good sober life. Make it so. Sending you a ginormous hug today. Don’t go further down that old path. It’s time to pivot. 🩶🩷 You are loved and cared for.
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Also, lets talk about this. You were working a program with honesty and fell off. Addiction is an a-hole. You aren’t doing nothing you just lapsed. Get thee to a sober group meeting or on the phone with an addict STAT.
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Hi Mike, I’m so sorry to read this and my heart goes out to you. It takes so much strength to reverse the relapse, especially when you feel you have nothing to give or get sober for. Remember that this is a cruel and painful perception. I don’t know you very well, but I do know you have so much going for you Mike and a million things to keep going for. Please seek the help that you need and stick up for yourself, to yourself. You deserve better.
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It sucks when we let ourselves down over and over. But it doesn’t have to be the end of the story. Pour out any booze and flush any coke. Start again. We fail when we stop trying. You are worth more than you think and your daughters and family love and want you here. Time to learn to love yourself. You can do this. You HAVE been doing this. Don’t let a set back take away all your momentum. You fucked up, you owned it, move on. This is life.
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This is good information to have, because I just bought a couple bottles of kombucha yesterday. I was going to have a glass today. One a day, huh? I can handle that.
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