Happy birthday! Keep it up
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Captains log day 5. Its a nice fall day here in Chicagoland. The leaves are turning and thats nice but it only means the snow is around the corner ahhh!
The last 4 days were online meetings(which is perfectly fine and convenient) so made it a point to go in person today. I was a regular to this one and it was nice to see everyone again and they welcomed me back with open arms. The speaker added his own twist to it in a way i never thought of. It was powerful and i wont forget it.
The doc has me excused from work until Wednesday but im feeling guilty and want to go back tomorrow. I started tappering back on my med yesterday instead of today because Iām feeling better. When he started me out on a dosage he said i could increase it if needed. Hell no! I started reducing it as soon as possible because i hate being on meds.
Well enough of my ranting. Off to work a little more on step 4. Umm and maybe play a little online haha.
Have an awesome sober day!
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Checking in day 413! Was feeling a little peopleād out so having a lazy Sunday. Cleaned up a bit, made some lunch, getting ready for my first day at the new job tomorrow, and watching some tv. Kind of a perfect Sunday for me this week.
Hope everyone is having a super sober Sunday 
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Donāt give your mother this much power over you Julia, protect yourself with everything you have.
Youāve achieved so much in the last months, youāre a pretty strong woman. Donāt give this up!
I know that this is a very hard fight 
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Yeah man, glad I could help you realize this is a sitty situation. Iām going. To honest Iāve never appreciated it when aa people say to some who has made a mistake thanks for helping me realize and testinf the waters. It sounds fucking stupid. Remember where you came from, it took forever for those meetings or sobriety to click for you
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Thank you! And being ex Navy i can relate to the metaphor haha
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Yeah I can imagine it sucks to be on the other side of that comment. To be the one struggling to get your footing, drowing in shame and remorse. Whenever I have said āI am grateful for the reminderā¦ā it comes from a place of humility. Watching other addicts who have relapsed, try so hard to get their footing again, reminds me of how easy it is for me to lose everything I have. When I say that I am grateful its because I try to find gratitude in everything, even the situations that bring me the most sadness.
Mike, your self sabotaging will hopefully come to an end one day but its going to take the willingness and courage to take a good hard look at yourself. I suggest you do a set of steps with the NA step working guide and just bare your bones my friend. Dont stop trying, ever. I love you.
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Thana appreciate it
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Evening check in, almost 38 days.
It has been a lovely day. Had a long walk in the Autumn sunshine this morning, then a picnic lunch. Love being outside with my kids. Then an epic 3 hour nap 
Managed the gym after too. Finally got over feeling ill. So good to have energy again. Just sitting in bed relaxing and reading now. No real cravings again today. I certainly donāt want to get complacent but think all the visualisation work I am doing is working.
I hope everyone is OK and having a good day.
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I 100% remember where I came from and still think it would be OK to drink or drug again. I donāt expect you to appreciate any words right now as thatās the nature of the beast but what Iām definitely not doing is kicking a dog while itās down. I can only speak from my experience and opinion and like it or not you have helped me. One thing I do know is your a fighter, always have been always will be.Keep coming back bc you know people on here have got your back. Wish you all the strength you need.
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Sober day 17.
Beautiful fall day so made myself go for a walk. I do love the colors.
Trying hard not to be triggered by other people. I want to go back to the mountains.
OFDAAT
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Checking in 661 daysā¦ Not so far from 2 years.
Wish you all the best 
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Day 230 and nothing to report. Off to bed. Wish all of you a lovely sober day/night 
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Checking in on day 119, sending strength to everyone 
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42 days, so very sad. sad and lonely. my heart is mournful. want to drink. will not drink. 
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Follow up: I really donāt like my family. I love them, but I really donāt like them. I canāt even fucking stand most of them.
Today was weird and now I feel soā¦ defeated. Broken.
It was surreal watching my cousin talking to my father. She was talking to him about her day-to-day shit and asking for his advice. Andā¦ He was giving her some pretty good advice. The kind of advice youād expect a loving parent to give.
My cousin didnāt grow up living in constant fear of that man. For her, he was and is her beloved uncle. Isnāt it amazing how the same person can show so many different sides of themselves to different people.
I would never go to him with my day-to-day problems asking for life advice. He never fostered that type of relationship with me. Our conversations are usually him talking and me giving back single word replies until he goes away. Hell, he doesnāt even quite know what it is I do for a living. He never asked.
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Thanks Billy. Youāre right, working on how to handle my reactions and emotions isā¦ well, still a work in progress. I think Iām getting there. But Iām not drinking. Thatās just not an option. I have over 9 months of sobriety and Iām hanging on to it like my life depends on it. Because it does.
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Checking in
Day 616
So work was okay. Im grateful to be done for another week. I started craving as soon as i finished work. Decided it was time to chat with hubby about it. Ive been in my head for weeks with daily cravings and i thought maybe having his support would help. I did attend an online sermon today and it was really good! I actually felt a spiritual connection for a bit which was nice. It was short lived but i still experienced it. And then the chat with hubby on the way home helped. God am i ever grateful that he is sooo strong and determined not to use or drink. I shouldnt rely on him tho to determine my sobriety. I should be strong within myself to feel grounded in my recovery. If that makes sense. Anyway, im almost home. Hope everyone is doing well today! 
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