I’m so sorry to read this. Sending you strength and love at this difficult time.
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Oh God, Julia. I’m so sorry for your loss. Take your time processing and remember we are all here for you.
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Congratulations on your 9 months!! This is huge and you should be proud 
. Keep showing up for yourself 
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So lovely to hear from you Des 
Grateful that the treatment went well and you are on a clear path moving forward. Love the 56 days too 
Keep going strong
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I am so sorry for your loss Julia.
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Thanks for asking Jasmine, well its really just depression symptoms coming on stronger now. Its still managable but I have to put in much effort into dealing with it. I’ve been thinking a lot about stoicism 
bc Im tireddd of being thrown around by my emotions this hard again. Being stable is a great thing that Ive gotten used to…
@JazzyS Are you doing better physically or still at the same level of a couple months ago? And hope youre doing good mind-wise 
Check In
Had a productive day and made progress with my writing. Wanted to celebrate myself by blasting music and dancing like crazy as I always do and love. Didn’t work out as usual bc I suddenly couldn’t feel a thing😂 I felt nothing, no pain, no pleasure, as if I was a tube of tooth paste.
I currently have immense loss of energy so that im almost scared. My body is great but if my brain cant make it get up, its still useless
Putting in twice the effort to feel half as good as a healthy person, wohoo… back on my jam😂
Reminding myself of how I was worse than this and made it out… so Ill make it through again. I know. But im kinda scared of this winter, not gonna lie.
We can do this though.
Huggy to everybody reading.
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Keep busy. The rawness and pain will become manageable given time. It’ll be painful but you will get through.
I remember telling someone about my sobriety once saying ‘tragedy needs to be faced stone, cold sober’. That’s the best thing I can say about loss, that it’s easier without drink 
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Checking in (again) day 18)
So, my new employer just sent me a message at 8.30pm saying that something had happened with their dad and that they were unable to continue my employment due to references and what they’d seen so far. Hmm… Just to preface, I’m not angry about this, I sorta expected it. While I was enjoying being back in the kitchen, it didn’t feel altogether right. They kept on talking about money and how expensive everything is; they took 3 weeks to offer me the job and argued the toss with the recruitment agencies about the fees - I dropped £5k off of the salary to secure the job…
I’m not sure what more I could’ve done to be honest. I was early everyday, I did everything they asked and asked for more; I deep cleaned the shit out of their kitchen (this includes finding and getting rid of cockroaches and false widow spiders and cleaning months worth of oil off of the walls and ceiling)… Like I say, I’m not angry about it, it’s just a phenomenal waste of everyone’s time.
I’ll be going to the agency tomorrow to find something else rather rapidly but … very odd. Very odd indeed.
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Sober day 9.
Much of the same. Got a new medication to try for the ADHD. See my therapist tomorrow. Reminding myself drinking makes things worse.
I still need to work on boundaries.
OFDAAT
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I’m so sorry Julia. Sending hugs and strength. 
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I’m heartbroken to hear the sad news Julia. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. We’re here with you. Reach out when you need us.
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Checking in day 588 
Had a stressful day with my kids and work yesterday. Sat down at the end of the day with the family, snuggled the dog and had a cold lemonade. Feeling a bit better today. Surviving teenagers will be hard 
@Juli1 I’m so sorry for your loss, please take care 
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That’s not a fair play on you @DresdenLaPage. I’m sorry that happened to you.
But I like your attitude about it. You’re facing it with a positive attitude, that’s remarkable.
Stay strong and keep on doing the good work
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Glad the appointment with your support worker went well @Deelzebub Hope you can keep going with her to make progress.
ODAAT Delia
Let’s go together for the next 24
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My condolences.
May you and your loved ones find the time to come together and support one another in this moment.
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Oh it’s everything you’d imagine and more but it’ll be much easier sober 
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Congratulations on ur 9 months!!! Way to go!!!
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Evening of day
3 no form of Marijuana
181 no alcohol
112 no vapes or ciggs
This evening is going by slow. I had a couple cravings for weed but picking up out of bordum never worked in the past and i always regret it
My surroundings dont agree with drinking. Surroundings have a lot to do with my sobriety. My wife said she fears my drinking for myself acting obnoxious, aggressive and just being an ass. I ust to dissappear for hours because i wanted to drink; then get hungover and be an ass because i couldnt face the fk up; it was never my fault for how drunk i got, it was everyone else for not letting me. I get that way with weed too so its proof of my addicted personality.
No is hard for me to hear but if i hear it i listen because i know its the best answer yet in the midst of picking up id never admit it but id listen and keep asking until i get a yes or a argument like i was a child. Very childish
No vapes or ciggs but im still on 2mg lozenges. I don’t remember what its like without nicotine. All i know is without nicotine i go crazy but then again some days im going with like 2 lozenges in like 4hours after waking up so i think im getting there. This is progress
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Congratulations on your progress 
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Checking in on day 879. I’m exhausted so I’m having a warm milk and some chocolate that I found. Nice end to a busy day. Here’s to another one.
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