Thank You. Video as it mentioned with Throwback Thursday hashtag is from 2020 when I got my Truck lisence. It was a test for code 95 when you being tested on the slippery and extreeme driving.
I am not working lately. I am on medical certificate or how it is called in english now and are doing hand rehabs and procedures.
This video is again from late 2020 I believe when I was doing first hand rehabs after second surgery. My main nerve medianus was completely cut and my surgery was postponed because of corona lockdowns. So I waited 11 months in total for my surgery. Nerve dies in that time. I am basically handicapped for all my life now , but I am NOT accepting this. Never give up. I still can do progress. NEVER say Never! Always have Hope.
So back then when I got to leave my job and actually started my truck driver carrier because it is easier for my hand and I just unable now to do a lot of jobs. I think this was also the time when I got back here on TS after my first surgery. I started to drink a lot as it was also a time when I divorced with my wife. Loosing wife, home I started to drink a lot again and had one reset after another. I struggled to connect everything. On that lockdown I was waiting for my surgery with my nerve cut off and I knew I have a chance to loose my hand. It was not easy time. I never lost Hope.
This week we had a guy admitted in his late sixties at the detox I work. Someone nearly at the end of his life. The sort person I remember from the early 1980’s, a street addict who shot his heroin shots in alleys and doorways, people who died in droves back then, from OD’s and diseases. Here was one of the last survivors. But only barely. Addiction won.
All he wanted now was to go and use, and to drink coffee and smoke. Hardly interested in eating and drinking. The hospital where he was admitted for multiple systemic failures and diseases could do nothing for him so they released him. The hospice in his old neighbourhood won’t take him for he’s a junkie. Somehow he ended up with us but to which end was unclear.
In the end a community social worker took him from our hands and brought him to a place where is relatively safe and where he can use (and eat and drink and get some care) in peace. And die in peace I hope for him. And which is far enough from the city center to make it impossible for the guy to ‘escape’ to.
And on we go. Right now I’m having my second coffee on my day off, waiting for the electrician person to arrive who’s going to redo some rewiring, so I can switch from a gas stove to induction cooking. Feeling OK. I hope this doesn’t come over as being cynical. It is life. We have to move on and do the best we can do for ourselves, for those around us, for the world. With love. Have as good a day as you can all. Sober and clean or nothing will come of it. Love from Lombok Utrecht, the neighbourhood where the old man lived.
Day 166. Back to work today. I think sitting all day at a desk is bad for my back and posture. Taken some pain killers so I will work till four. Make some adjustments to my diary and move more
I have sent all my kids nice presents for Christmas. Making progress with my eldest. My son tho seems angry about thrndiviroce still (he is 22) but give it time.
Long day, but a good day. Started at my gym this morning, hard cardio and ab workout. Finished 3 days of the Xmas workout challenge, knocked some extra days out before I go out of town, felt great! Work was ok, long 2 1/2 hour meeting to start the work day. Things actually got a little heated, but I was happy with how I handled myself. Checked on my jobs and home around 3:00.
Started packing for my little vacation, fly out tomorrow, well this morning now, at 11:00. Met up with my daughter and we got the sub for Santa shopping done, she was excited and fun to be with. Back home to finish packing, I hate packing. I have a problem with over packing. Hate being somewhere and not having everything I want. But I got everything into one check-on piece of luggage, but had to throw some stuff in with my golf clubs, made it work though!
So looking forward to 70 degrees, hiking, golfing, hot tubbing, working out and relaxing! NO WORK PHONE!!
Will do my best to check-in while I’m gone, but no promises! Going to be a fun, relaxing, sober get away before the madness of Christmas sets in!
So after two surgeries and almost half year of rehabs I slowly started to train. I mostly did legs and very little arms as my arm was still mounted in splint most of the time.
There was studies made where one group did only arms, and another one did only legs. The one witch did only legs showed greater improvements in the one witch only did arms alone! Legs are biggest muscles. Targeting bigger muscle groups = more growth hormone.
I almost died in one accident in my past. Also had 4 years of panic attacks and clonazepam addiction. I never felt worse in my life back then. 4 years I was unable to feel. I learned one thing in those difficult times - Never loose Hope! Always search.
“So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock , and it will be opened to you.‘’ - 7:7
Somehow in a miracle I was able to crawl back from those difficult times. I talked many many times about it in my past Checking in posts so I will not going back. This years was all about letting go my past. I only talking this to those who are in difficult times, sending message - to not loose Hope. My only problem left these last few years was that I still have bad memories and I worked really hard to let my past away. Alcohol addiction plays big role here. What I learned was trying to quit alcohol without working on my inner self is pointless. We need to look for the roots of the problem. I am not my past and I am having totally different experiences now. We create our reality. Life is a miracle and we have much bigger potential and powers hidden inside us that we can’t even imagine that. Ofcourse - ego can still be easy attached here and we can loose it all again. I think thinking of Higher Power really helps here. It is actually not that important what you believe in, the point is to let go your ego as when ego works - we loosing all the potential. We need to loose more of yourself, your limitations, open doors to other, let the hope in, let the love in - as the answer is in unity and not the separation. All fear and negativity is only closing those doors of being connected to our true selves.
Checking in today just to show face. Im lurking the forum a LOT tonight. Got a lot on my mind just like a lot of yal. Hope everyone makes it through another day
Day 32, woke up late again. I don’t want to get out of bed again today. I’m really worried that depression is creeping back into my life, im getting alcohol cravings. I don’t feel strong right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Day 276
Busy busy day today. Currently sitting in a waiting room, using my time wisely and catching up on here. More appointments scheduled for today and errands to run and meetings to be attended. I am hoping to get back home before 10pm (slim slim chance) and then I’ll go straight to bed. I’m already exhausted from today and it’s still morning. Better make a stop at the costa drive through on my way to the next appointment.
Hope you all have a great sober day!
Good morning family. Day 23, boy I was antsy last night.just tossed and turned a lot and had a hard time shutting my mind off, I’m not sure I think I fell asleep around 3 or so. Woke up at 530 and pretty excited bc today is my first day of the new job. Not sure what I’m going to do after work, maybe try to find a meeting, tomorrow I meet with the two sisters from church and this time I really will go and meet with them. I’m very grateful this morning to be waking up with a job, a roof over my head, my girls are safe and happy and hopefully in time things will just continue to fall into place. Much love sober fam ttyl
Missing you everyday but somehow even more so today, not a day goes by I don’t think of you x
Those we love, don’t go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard but always near. Still loved still missed and very dear x
Thank you for being as amazing as you are, I just wish I hadn’t been such a failure when you were alive and wish you could have shared some of the memories I’m making now I’m not a prisoner to alcohol x
Not a restful night of sleep. I was experiencing something called “hypnagogic hallucinations” which happen when you are falling asleep and half in a dream state. They are more related to sleep issues than any sort of mental illness and not something to worry about. But still disconcerting. I could have sworn my smoke alarm was chirping like it had a low battery. Once I was fully awake, it’s completely silent. Annoying.
Otherwise I’m okay. My boss is taking our local team out for lunch. It will be fun, but also a chance for me to say goodbye to everyone.
Hope you all have a good day! And Happy Hanukkah for all who celebrate!
Day 4… no alcohol, no drugs I didn’t realize how much of my life I was wasting away. Yesterday, I cleaned my whole house! I’ve been back to the gym. I wasn’t drinking everyday but damn well near and man, I don’t ever want to go back… hopefully this feeling sticks around
Checking in , day 148. @zzz , lovely message about unity … @ShyBert , hang in there, we all have good days and bad days, but we keep going anyway. @NJR9876 , hell yeah! Keep that attitude going! @BrOKenWolf , what a lovely dedication to your mom. It’s so true those we love never go away… @Trixie1 , look at you stacking those days! Doing great!
Day 1,273 clean and sober today. Today is the worst feeling so far with this Covid thing. Horrible sore throat and really deep congestion in my lungs. I’ll be ok, just wanted to share cause I feel like a baby right now lol. Have a great day everyone, love you guys
Felt tearful yesterday, like I missed love and security and some family. It’s ok, I’m working on these low moods lately bit by bit. it’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok to sit in it and feel that loss and know I’m not unlovable. It’s not my fault.
Trying to stay in the WAIT. HALT. pause for breathes like I’m staying in my lane in the pool.
):
Going to be a fun, relaxing, sober get away before the madness of Christmas sets in!
I didn’t realize how much of my life I was wasting away. Yesterday, I cleaned my whole house! I’ve been back to the gym. I wasn’t drinking everyday but damn well near and man, I don’t ever want to go back… hopefully this feeling sticks around 
