Thanks Menno, what’s bothering me the most is the moment is that my brother invited my parents for Christmas Eve. I heard that from my mother before the funeral. I’m nowhere in the equation so in the f*ck it mode about that. It’s the Eve I nearly died several times before I got sober. I know I’m not getting what I missed, but this pushes a lot of buttons, resentment, anger you name it. The best thing I can do maybe is to break contact this is just to fucked up. Wouldn’t mind if the three of them would drop death instantly. A therapist a long time ago said I was sacrificed by them and still I try things to get approval etc. 
. This brings my right to the existential pain. Goddamn it.
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Evening check in, 92 days. I am so far behind as wasn’t able to catch up yesterday. Work has been really busy, and now I am just tired. Early night tonight before a busy weekend.
I feel like I am changing lately, like the essence of me is different. Not sure what that is all about. I don’t know if I am toughening up, or working through things. I quite like the new me though. I don’t think I am as selfish and seem to have less of an ego.
Hope to try and catch up more tomorrow. Take care all
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284
Today went alright, all should be good. But I’m not feeling it. I didn’t sleep well last night, maybe I’m just tired now and that leaves me feeling deflated and a bit short fused. Well… not every day can be perfect. I’m in bed sober now, that’s enough.
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@Steve92 I’m happy to have provided a laugh 
congrats on the new job 
@Juli1 congrats on double digits
@SoberWalker huge difference! Can’t wait to hear about it when you’re happy with it 
Hope the party was fun 
@RosaCanDo bless you Rosa 
I’m sorry it’s so rough, it sounds awful. I hope you feel better asap 🩵
@Mindofsobermike congrats on your month most side-effects only last up to 2 weeks, you should start feeling better soon 
@Rob11 I hope the funeral went as well as these things can. I’m sorry about your family. Sending strength 🩵
@Deelzebub I’m glad you’re allowing yourself a break over the weekend, these anniversaries can be tough, I’m sorry for what you went through 🩵
1222 days no alcohol.
687 days no cocaine.
202 days no vape.
Didn’t get to sleep until after 4:45am this morning. I didnt spend much, but I still had to reset my impulsive spending counter when I saw 2 emails that were both order confirmations. Insomnia is my main trigger at the moment.
I only slept until 8:30am, did my morning routine, spent some time with my cats, then wrapped my Auntie’s Xmas present and wrote their card. Then walked to the place I was meeting my Auntie, Uncle, and a family friend, for a carvery lunch, it was really good, it always is, we even had dessert because it was basically our Xmas dinner together. I had a nice time.
Since I walked home, I have just spent time with my cats, watched an episode of the program I’m watching, and unfortunately I binged as well, despite having a proper meal at lunchtime. I seem out of control in regards to my binge-eating at the moment, but I must keep trying not to beat myself up over it, my family do enough of that with their disappointment in me.
Wishing you all wonderful sober weekends. 
🩵
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Checking in sober.
Feeling better after being down with a migraine the last two days. I think I accidentally had some gluten when I went out to dinner and that triggered it. Still not quite 100%.
I’m volunteering tonight at our local theatre. Not sure if I’ll stay for the show or come home and go to bed early.
OFDAAT
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Checking in
Day 670
Had a fairly relaxing day. I had the morning to myself since my son was in school. I ran 1 errand and then grabbed breakfast and went home to do some Christmas wrapping. Also tidied up the apartment a bit more bcuz my son is getting a special one on one visit with Santa later. Hes super excited 
Had 1 odd thought of using earlier today, but was easily able to push it aside. Not much else to mention I guess. Just another day clean and sober! 
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Day
219 no alcohol
150 no ciggs or vapes
2 no cbd or thc or any form of weed
I have a freedom to make choices
Today i choose to be sober and i love that freedom
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@rob11 how are you doing Rob? I can imagine a funeral being tough enough to attend but then the family isolation can be devastating. I am sorry friend. I do hope you are able to heal from the resentment and anger – it is only causing you more pain. It may be a good idea to break contact for the time being. Are you able to make an appointment with a therapist to discuss your emotions and pain? Sending you love and hugs
@timetochange Sending you some relaxing vibes to get through the holidays with your partners family. Know that we are here for you if you need support. Make sure to have a safe space for yourself at home that you can escape to if you feel overwhelmed.
@catmancam Oh friend big hugs to you. I am grateful that you are not beating yourself up over the binge. I am so sorry about your family. You are doing amazingly well in working on yourself and your sober journey with all your timers. Super proud of you and your achievements.
@bomdhil 11 days is awesome Thomas! I am so sorry you are feeling weak on your journey. We are here for you friend. Are you able to connect with someone for support that can also help provide in real life motivation? Hang on friend – it does get easier.
@butterflymoonwoman So excited for your son Dana – a special Santa visit today? That is so lovely 
Been a rough day physically… I am going to try and make a good dinner for some nutrition.
hoping everyone had a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love
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On day 11. So far, no overwhelming cravings 
I’ve just been working a whole lot and keeping busy with hobbies! I hope everyone is doing well!
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Hey Jazzy…First off Happy Belated Birthday lovely 
Hope you get some rest and feel better. A good meal nutritious meal is the way too go! Love ya:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
I as well am getting excited to creep into triple digits. No going backwards no matter what. I am staying strong in faith and trusting God! Learning and growing, not always easy as change can be very uncomfortable but I have been still for too long I want to live:pray:t5:
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Thank you Des for the birthday wishes
So happy to hear about your faith and trust 
. You are stronger than this addiction. Great work on your journey
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Thank you Jazzy , same to you. Your support offered on this community is admirable and helps tremendously. Well done on your recovery journey too …glad to be sharing this time together 
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Hey Dana,
So excited for your son. As well proud of your days. You are doing amazing! It’s nice to know that although the thought comes to use we can just as easily dismiss and move on! Real strength and progress!
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11 days gambling free, same old story another ban on a site had expired and I managed to exclude myself again. Just bc I’ve given up drink and drugs doesn’t make this any less frustrating but it does mean I have the mental tools to handle situations better.
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Checking in Day 181 alcohol free
So thankful it’s the weekend. Work is insane right now. Three days to get through until the holiday.
Back has been behaving so I’m grateful and thankful. Exhausted hoping to sleep in tomorrow.
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Im so glad it resonated. For me, anger is important. Its a signal, of some kind and its a part of me. I have to listen to it, sometimes I have to let it out…and then work through it. Easier said then done, but I do understand on a brain level that the justifiable ones are the most difficult to deal with. They take time, our energy, self love and acceptance (again all easier said then done). My anger tells me stuff, and its telling me right now I am sad and afraid. So I have to ask her to just take a second, I got her and hear her, but I have other parts of me that need to be heard too! Xo.
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Evening of day 11. Doing a paint by numbers and watching tv. Planning on a Pilates class in the morning.
Have a wonderful AF weekend all✨
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