11 days gambling free, same old story another ban on a site had expired and I managed to exclude myself again. Just bc I’ve given up drink and drugs doesn’t make this any less frustrating but it does mean I have the mental tools to handle situations better.
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Checking in Day 181 alcohol free
So thankful it’s the weekend. Work is insane right now. Three days to get through until the holiday.
Back has been behaving so I’m grateful and thankful. Exhausted hoping to sleep in tomorrow.
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Im so glad it resonated. For me, anger is important. Its a signal, of some kind and its a part of me. I have to listen to it, sometimes I have to let it out…and then work through it. Easier said then done, but I do understand on a brain level that the justifiable ones are the most difficult to deal with. They take time, our energy, self love and acceptance (again all easier said then done). My anger tells me stuff, and its telling me right now I am sad and afraid. So I have to ask her to just take a second, I got her and hear her, but I have other parts of me that need to be heard too! Xo.
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Evening of day 11. Doing a paint by numbers and watching tv. Planning on a Pilates class in the morning.
Have a wonderful AF weekend all✨
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Checking in fam:)
Really great week at work. I just love the kids & the job itself. Just feels like a lot of fun. Volunteered this morning and going ro make it a weekly thing as the other person who helps on Fridays left. Its very funny to me that my kids school, the schook I work in and the place I volunteer are literally a stones throw feom eachother.
Feeling grateful today. Friends are coming over tomorrow to help us work onbthe wood stove. Im proud of hubby and I for embracing this new stage in life. Its truly amazing to me how our world turned upside down since my sisters murder. Just upside down. I still cannot believe she is gone, the thought sends a shiver through me because it still feels like we’re goingbto get her back. I cant believe how much we have been through some days. But we keep fighting, and I just keep reaching inside…becayse I want to be happy, I love to be nice to people; be helpful and just generally kind. My sister was all of thise things and part of me feels like shes pushingbme to hold on to that inspite of everything. Miss her so much.
Thabks for being here everyone & happy sober day. Next js quitting smoking you knowbimma keep talking aboutbit till I get there! Xo. To the 25th hour xo
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Happy Birthday Jazzy! Hoping you have a restful nught & yummy food and that tomorrow is an easier day on you. Xo. Youre a warrior
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Feel this in my gut Rob. Family stuff is very hard. Im thinking of you. Xo
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Just about 10 pm. Closing out Friday night, and day 59 alcohol free. It was a trying day at times but made it. The great thing is none of the issues were related yo drinking or wanting to drink. Have an awesome night my friends.
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Checking in on day 142.
It’s my daughter’s birthday tomorrow so I’ve been organising for that today as well as working.
Getting nervous about the new part-time job I start next week, 4am here and I just can’t sleep as my mind is racing. I’m sure it will be fine when I start, but my brain is just going to do its usually brain stuff and worry, I guess. Send me sleepy vibes please 
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Checking in fairly anxious. I don’t normally answer the phone when my Mom calls (don’t call me a monster, just wait) but she caught me at home before work yesterday. She told me that an old family friend was going into hospice. The person going into hospice is a very kind woman, one of my sibling’s mother-in-laws who has known me all my life.
Since I answered that one phone call (yesterday) I have three missed calls and voicemails to catch up on from my Mom. Listening to one voicemail gives me anxiety now I have three. Maybe I have anxiety because the voicemails usually tell me that someone has died. I stressed all night at work about what to do about the funeral. Its in a different state sandwiched between two work shifts. I could make it, and should for my brother, but the prospect of adding my Mom into the mix makes me want to send my regrets along with flowers. I can feel nervous anxiety in my arms.
I think I need a lot of prep to interact with my Mom. Before Thanksgiving I was sitting in a chair staring into space for about 30 minutes before my husband asked if I was okay just zoning out before heading to my Mom’s for family time.
Writing it here has helped. The funeral is a no, I will send flowers to the funeral home and a personal card for my brother and sister-in-law. I will probably spend all of tomorrow trying to call my Mom to tell her I’m not going just to never end up getting around to it. More work to do always. Thanks for the space. Hug your loved ones.
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10 months 
I actually forgot today was 10 months until I saw the notification after work 
Crazy
I had a really good day. I take back all that bitchin and moaning about work last week now that I saw my paycheck. I immediately put $500 on my VISA, paid the water bill and the wifi for next month. I feel relieved 
Work was great. Steadily busy and it flew by. Our boss was being her micro manager self a bit too much towards one server who’s worked there 6 years. He got rightfully irritated, as I saw all of their interactions, and she called him upstairs to talk. He let her have it! Every little thing that’s been building up over her time with us came out. This is a unanimous feeling amongst all the staff bc she’s constantly talking down to each and every one of us, and he made her aware of that too. I wish I could’ve seen it. I just saw her crying afterward. Later I learned that the GM is just as fed up with her constant mistakes, which she never learns from, so he’s letting her dig her own grave. Gotta learn somehow.
Next couple days will be rough. Party to do in the afternoon. The club members Christmas party at night. Then the children’s Christmas party Sunday morning. My feet are already throbbing 
But, in 2 weeks it’ll all be over for a whole month so I will make it thru thinking of that 
Goodnight.
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Day 11 AF - checkin in
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Forcing myself to check in. Feeling antisocial today. Still clean of all my addictions.
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1652
Seeing some blue sky when I opened the curtains made me want to go outside and play. I think I will, even when my nose is totally clogged up since yesterday afternoon. Fourth time since summer this happens, just like that I start sneezing and sniffling and stuff starts running. Must be allergies.
I also want some human contact today, preferably more than a conversation with some shopkeeper. And do some culture or art as well. A plan is forming. It doesn’t involve any alcohol or drugs. Why should it? Never again. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
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24
I had a mixed night. Woke up several times with hot flashes, but immediately fell asleep.
I’m looking forward to cooking and a nice walk.
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Forcing myself to write on here. Day 0. Not giving up and still fighting. I need to check in here again. Daily!!!
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*Day 1914 
Had a difficult day yesterday. The day before I had an argument with my hubby but that and that job opportunity that scared me, made me break. I slept bad overthinking it all. Decided I need help. I’m stuck. Not only this week, but stuck for years 
Feeling disconnected, alone and feeling irritated, insecure, etc. I do not like myself this way. I present myself like a tough lady: tattoos, cool hair, independant and hard working. But stuck inside there is a weeping child…
I am relieved that I talked this over with my husband and also made an appointment with a coach to see if she can help me to get me out of this funk.
Today? Housechores and tonight I’m going to dance at a 80’s party. Hope I can think of nothing else then music and dance the pain away.
Picture from my yesterday highlite of the day: white chocolat cheesecake with blueberry 
Have a good day all
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26/27 days
Hanging on, chrysalis style.
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Day 1092,
Feel better again after the going from 0 to 10 yesterday evening. Called a fellow and my sponsor. Followed the suggestion of the fellow to write it out which stopped the overthinking and made it possible to sleep. Good to experience those episodes don’t last forever nowadays, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen again.
Ordered the book ‘drop the rock’ yesterday which should arrive today. Have to put it away for a bit, since I’m ‘only’ at step 5 now. The book is about 6 & 7. Glad I started the steps to the best of my abilities. Sometimes I don’t seem to notice the difference myself, but looking back I received some positive feedback from people lately. So will try to embrace the progress I’m making more. 
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Glad you’re talking about it, realizing it, wanting help, and have reached out for help/guidance/ counseling. Big hugs. @SoberWalker
Editing to add have fun dancing 
@Rob11 good progress for you
@Tragicfarinelli you’re hanging in … good.
@ Everybody have a good sober day, afternoon, evening, night … stay strong against your drug, drink, behavior of choice and know you’re not alone at this community.
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