I actually did erase the number and even blocked it but I was going to reach out to her on Facebook 
ā¦so I have blocked her on there too nowā:+1: thank you so much for the encouragement and advice 
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Thank you 
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Thank you and yes so thrilled about a sober Christmas!!!
Iām starting to really settle in to being sober and I love how itās becoming my new normal. writing that message gave me the ick. 
So happy I played that tape 
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Day 198 check-in. Iāve now been clean through most of this year, yayy. 
I have so much work that I would probably have to work on Christmas Eve (Iām
a freelancing PM and all the yearly reports are now) Iāve also enrolled in 3 courses during the past few days and Iām really amazed by how productive Iāve become since I quit gambling.
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21 days in the bank.
3 weeks
Another sober day
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1659
Where is the off switch for this wind thatās blowing
? Itās relentless these last days. Well, Iāve got stuff to do. Christmas lasts 4 days for me, starting this morning with a brunch with my cousins and sis. Iām working the weekend too, some of my last late shifts ever. I donāt think there will be many patients in to stay over for christmas and new year after.
Monday and Tuesday is Christmas proper here. Iāll be off and back to sis for diner with her sons and their partners on Monday. Which is nice enough but now it all feels like a bit much. Iāll make it. Thinking back to some family diners in the past it will be better without booze. Much better. Never again.
So now Iām going to have one more coffee and get going. Sober and clean. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Be absolutely sure drinking or drugging doesnāt make anything better. Only much much worse. Much love from Amsterdam.
@Its_me_Stella So glad you got where you are now friend! 
@anon84358113 Yay you and thanks for sharing your struggle and how you overcame it! ODAAT for us all.
@Just_Laura Iām glad you got this space to vent but what you write makes me think that maybe you should learn to stand up for yourself in these sort of situations - in a healthy adult way of course. And I know how you feel and I know how it works for folks like us. When you master this art please share how you did it so I may learn it too 
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Day 188. I was pretty miserable yesterday. I donāt really know why. I canāt tell if my problems are real or not. I feel like Iām losing my mind. Hopefully these feeling will pass soon.
I hope you guys have a good day today. Hope I do too.
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Today is hopefully going to be a slow and peaceful day. We donāt have much planned. Depending on the weather and how the wind develops Iāll take a walk. Some last minute presents still need wrapping. My daughter has to finish packing for her trip. Just small stuff.
Wishing you all strength and patience.
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Checking in soberā¦ One day at a time 
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Morning guys, checking in Day 101 from alcohol and day 86 from cigarettes Saturday morning before work. I hope yous all had a nice safe Friday night and a good start to your weekends. TTYL
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Thanks Doreen, how are you holding up these days??
Todayās beef stew will be with carrot and dark beer. The other one is with garlic, red wine and a lot of herbs and spices. Served with mashed potatoes and haricoverts in bacon.
I donāt know if itās ok to write this here, but about the alcohol part: I slow cook for 10h. Research shows thereās 5% of the alcohol left after 2.5h at 78 degrees Celsius, so 10h will leave very little to no alcohol.
Personally I donāt mind putting beer or wine in a stew, but I can imagine this will not be okay for everyone.
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My okeyish mood became very fragile in the last few days, I can hardly focus on my days and my evenings got filled up with anger, hurting and overthinking again. My general approach is a lot better than it was a few moths ago, but it doesnāt really seem to help, when Iām utterly hurt. I canāt wait for this year to be over. Iām really grateful for my kids, they give so much credit to me but I keep letting them down by having hard times again and again. I read a lot here lately and that makes me realize how grateful I am for my sobriety. At least that is something I can give them, but they would deserve a lot more, yet I long for stepping out and choosing my pain over them and that makes me feel like a terrible person.
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Checking in day 8 sober. Woke up on this grey cold miserable Saturday morning at 8am, had a quick breakfast and went on a run. Canāt remember the last Saturday where I wasnāt nursing a hangover and feeling like crap.
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Day 1,289 clean and sober today. Back to work for me. I hope everyone has an amazing day, love you guys 
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Hell yeah Stella!!!
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@SoberWalker oh thatās great to hear Claudia. I am so happy to hear that it went well, that you clicked and that you will continue with it. Happy Saturday to you
@just_laura man that sounds frustrating as hell. The crappy scheduling and the lack of teamwork. You are handling it a lot better than I ā¦it is ok to let management know in a non tattling way when things are not getting done or people arenāt pulling their weight. You canāt be responsible for others shortcomingsā¦glad you were able to rant here and feel better.
@Its_me_Stella congrats on your 3rd sober holiday season. Looking forward to celebrating your 4 years in a week. Love that the obsession has been stripped from you.
@MrFantastik yippee 
congrats on your 3 weeks of sobriety 
@ForrestKump I do hope that today is a better day for you John. We are here if you need to talk / vent. Do reach out here or to someone in real life if these feelings stay persistent.
@Jasty2 I somehow missed your cigarettes free timeā¦86 days is fuckin awesome Joe! Thatās whatās up.
@LeoLeo congrats on your 1week plus of sobriety! Love the hangover free weekend mornings. Many more to come
Checking in on Saturday morning
Didnāt sleep well. I feel like I am over tired and my body just canāt find sleep mode. Going to get ready for work. Glad I was able to get a lot of paperwork done last night as I donāt think my mind is focusing well today. Oh man Iām dreaming of that sweet day when I will be able to enjoy coffee again 
Wishing everyone a safe and addiction free day. Remember that you are not alone. Sending you all so much love
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Thanks. I think that might be the reason for my less than chipper attitude. My apologies to everyone in advance if I come off snappy.
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Lolā¦no worries at allā¦we have all been thereā¦the attitude and nerves get better and stronger the more time you stack on. Here if you need to screamā¦I do know how frustrating the beginning was.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1287. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Checking in on day 202 AF.
Iām slowly chipping away at the list of things to do before Christmas. I just got all our vegetables from the farmers market and Iāve rewarded myself with a pot of rooibos tea and a couple of mini mince pies. Theyāre playing very festive music on the radio and Iām beginning to get in the mood.
Wishing everyone an addiction free and festive day.
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