Keep up the good work Laura. Great expose of your thought process regarding the taunt of the alcohol in the store promising you it would make things more interesting. And Reading here every day does have interesting benefits. It is like the little devil on my shoulder who says “my buddies will not understand why I won’t party with them and I’ll be a buzz-kill to be around. Soooooooo I’ll just party when I go to CA and visit with them and it would be so much easier than being a total buzz-kill.”
What most people don’t understand about us addicts is the personal shame I have to deal with considering the harm, the noticeable harm I feel when I wake up the next day PLUS… that the next day after I get home after I partied, if I were to ever party again, how the craving for alcohol is so terribly strong, and then the little devil is the only voice I hear, and a liquor store is only blocks away… it is like being starving and having a thanksgiving dinner sitting out all prepared (liquor store) and I am free to just go over and eat my fill, but instead, I chose nothing to eat. That is the taunt of the liquor store. So fun, so convenient, so easy to “feel right, and happy”. But these people here writing these anecdotes (and I value your inputs daily), or maybe “us people”, bring reality home that instead of having a devil on one shoulder whispering into my ear “hey, it would be ok for you to just have a half pint of whiskey, some ice, some coke and giggle myself to sleep after watching a funny movie”, and an angel on the other shoulder saying “you know you shouldn’t”, what I find with you and the other nice folks here is that I now have a friggin army of supporters screaming in union with my good angel voice, and they are loud as hell saying “hey dumb-ass, what part of this re-run don’t you remember? This movie ends badly”… So instead of feeling the shame from waking up in the morning after having night sweats and heart flutter waking me up in the middle of the night, if I can keep it together, I feel good and have no shame.
So now that I joined this group, there is a new shame element. I’m a proud person, be that good or bad, it is a fact. So instead of just having to deal with being ashamed to face the little angel on my shoulder telling me I screwed up, I now have to face all of you. I know you would all say I shouldn’t feel shame if I fall down, but that is exactly what I will feel to lose my ‘day count’. It is no longer my little secret that I’ve been hiding all my life. I let the cat out of the bag to you-all, and now instead of just having to face my classmates that I suck at math, for example, I have to be stood up in front of the class with a dunce cap, face my parents, my teacher, and the principal, and that is a hell of a lot more shame than just accepting that I’m lazy and didn’t do my math homework. One really never thinks as “shame” as a good thing. But if it keeps me on the wagon, then that works for me.
Anyway, I hope to have strength when I visit with my two best friends who live in CA, and we visit a few times per year, and the excuse I am going to use is that my metabolism shut down and I started to put on a lot of weight, resembling that I was entering my third trimester (and I’m a dude), so I had to quit drinking. Anyway, I made it for the first time in 15 years to day 10 sober yesterday, and feeling good, and enjoyed your story. The next guy who gives you crap about drinking, just say it messes with your dart game, or it makes your hair grow too fast, or you make bad decisions regarding “men” when you drink. That will shut them down because it can not be argued with, not even for a drunk guy. Stupid questions deserve stupid answers. If they really bug you, another one I thought of using is to say “I’m allergic to alcohol”… Coversation over.
Good job on staying on the wagon in the midst of all that temptation. I avoid bars completely because I’m not so strong.
That’s the hardest one out of the way Diana! Huge congrats and welcome to Talking Sober! You made it through day one so you can do another one too. One day at a time for all of us. I’m very glad to have you aboard with all of us, as we are in this together and the more the stronger we are. Wishing you all success on your sober journey lady. Welcome again and hugs your way.
Well done on day one!!! And welcome to the community. Glad you’re here.
I’m going to make that my screen name Laura… “Pavlov’s Dog”. I have a cute picture of my boy dog I’ll put up for my image.
This account of how your mind works is well described. A lot of strength being realized. And sure I would be disappointed if you cave, but I would hope you could get back on here and face your “shame” with us about it. ODAAT
Day 2594. Going to my women’s meeting in the park soon. Although it was raining earlier this morning, it seems to have stopped. Hopefully it won’t rain during our meeting.
I’m also trying to convince myself that I’m good enough to complete some consulting work. Dealing with a difficult plan checker has triggered my “I’m not good enough” voice.
Checking in with 15 days. In London for a Bring Me the Horizon concert. My first concert without booze! Wish me luck❤️
Checking in on day 180.
Still feeling crap mentally but I am trying to keep checking in here rather than disappearing and isolating further. This site really does give me strength in my recovery.
It is not just about stopping drinking, my recovery is me facing this mental bullshit head on. I’m not strong enough today to do that, but I can take steps like logging in here and taking strength from this awesome community.
I hope everyone has a good day/evening.
Awe, thank you for this response, Pavlov’s Dog 
This moved me so much It really is nice to read the words of others and think that you could’ve written it yourself. No matter our experiences, we are all very much alike at our core, and sticking together really does seem to do the trick.
I feel you on the shame part. I joined in 2019, after being sober 7 days without a clue where to go from there. Everything changed for the better when I started practicing the advice I was given. Then covid came, and I felt strong, until I didn’t and relapsed just shy of 5 months. I stuck around a bit, constantly trying to get back where I was, but couldn’t hardly get past a week. So I retreated into myself, left here, and gave up. 3 years later this switch flipped and I’m sober again. For some reason tho, I had this idea that I didn’t want to come back here until I was where I left off. Idk why. Like I wanted to prove I could do it before coming back and failing again 
So I returned when I had 5 months. I know I was welcome the entire time, even while I was out, but that feeling of failure, a dog with it’s tail between it’s legs, was too great.
I send strength to Cali with you. Use whatever excuse you need to get thru, but if I’m being honest, I’ve found honesty is best. You say they’re your best friends so I’m sure they’d support you. I understand many are not ready to admit this to others, but I have no shame in what I am. I’ve accepted it and gladly share my story with others. Especially the pushers bc those are the people I see myself in, and maybe it’s something they need to hear. Share my bad experiences and maybe something will resonate with them and get them thinking 
Who knows!
In the end temptation will always be there. Avoiding it is smart, but there will come a time when it’s right in your face and you must be able to resist. That’s been a big part of my recovery. Saying no to myself in every situation. I’m the only person in the world who could talk me into drinking, so learning this was key and now it’s second nature. Congrats on 10 days! Keep coming back 
25 days free of alcohol
19 days free of THC
Feeling better health-wise. Woke up with a lot of self pity so I meditated on that specifically in addition to my other recovery activities. Nice Sunday, went for a walk in the sunshine and got some new books, always fun 
I’m so glad to be sober. I have absolutely no desire for any substance, which is different from my previous sobriety attempts. Happy to be here and to know I’m not alone!
@SoberWalker love that happiness chemicals chart!
@JazzyS thank you friend 
@zzz cool videos 
@MrFantastik congrats on 50 days 
Thank you Laura, my best friends are rough around the edges. One is a Nephew and the other is a family friend of 40 years. They would understand the truth, but they lack emotional maturity, and rather making them dealing with their “he doesn’t want to drink with me” childish “all about them” reality, it might be better to make it a medical reason, which is also a “truth”, since I have had all sorts of bad physical warning signs, and avoid the “he isn’t man enough to drink” or etc…
Of course your reaction to that should be “get better friends”, but I have had terrible luck in that department. So keeping the two good guy friends, who can be depended on, and who will go off-roading with me, and camp and such, albeit functioning on lower level emotions, is better than being alone all the time. I’m an outdoorsy person in a country of people who just sit inside their sheetrock walls experiences, happily enjoying being fed a constant supply of crap TV shows. Both of these friends have been married a long time and neither one of them ever say “I love you” to their wives…Ya, troglodytes.
Anyway, I know you are right, and that is how I played it the first time I got on the wagon and stayed sober 7 years straight. I never really explained it to anyone as to “why”, I just said “I don’t drink”. Maybe I’ll do that this time too, but right now this is all new to me (that was 15 years ago) and I haven’t weathered into my new found sobriety commitment completely, still fragile,… so it comforts me to consider the best way to handle the “friends” situation considering our M.O. is to drink our asses off and smoke weed too, literally morning till lights out.
Your advice is spot on and keep it coming. It is better to get advice I might not take than to need advice and not have it been given.
My depression is abating. It lasted about 50 days. I’m finally getting my shit together with home projects again. So thanks to you and all here for being there giving support and the push I need to face life sober. Day 11 and not looking back.
still day 321
What rare occurrence, a second check-in from me! Happy, sober and content all snuggled up in bed. Storm Isha raging outside my window. Anyone else feeling the wrath of Isha tonight?
@Ofmiceandroach I have to admit I’m a tiny bit jealous now. The Sheffield concert was sold out and I didn’t get a ticket 
I’ve seen them live before and it was just sooo good!
@Deeh Welcome to the family 
First day is an awesome milestone! Glad to have you here with us.
Love and strength 
My kids keep me busy at weekends. My Daughter in particular has a busy social life and as her driver I get called into action quite a bit. She was going to the cinema this afternoon to meet her friends and is was dropping and picking up. Not a problem as I didn’t drink on Friday night… “Wait Dusty, today is Sunday” I know but if I drank on Friday I wouldn’t be able to drive on Sunday…
If I picked up a few beers after work on Friday I would most likely have been sneaking around most of Saturday scoring a few beers here and there to keep me going to Saturday night when I would have drank deep. Sunday morning, same deal then all day sunday and into the evening.
So a few beers Friday would have cost me the entire weekend. That’s what happens when I let the beast take over. I’m not driving, the beast is.
Good night all. Here’s to another 24 
129
425 chilling watching 
evil dead rise
Got to have another endoscopy 
hate them
Happy sober Sunday everyone
Checking in on day 954. I went ice skating with the kids today. My old-ass bones will be sore tomorrow. Hope everyone had a great weekend.
Checking in day 20. I am going on an amazing excursion tomorrow. The excursion has an open bar. I will ask for an alcohol free tropical drink. I really wish they would give non alcohol drinkers a break on the price. I am sharing this here because when I relapsed last month, it was during a very special dinner that included a welcome cocktail as well as wine throughout dinner. I wanted to get my $'s worth and also didn’t want to feel left out and so I started drinking, breaking over a year of sobriety. I then drank for a month before quitting again. I will not let that happen again. I will not drink tomorrow and use “it’s included and I paid for it” excuse. Silly mind games, I am on to you!
1689
I told my addiction and Recovery story yesterday to a group of 9 patients/fellows at the detox I’ve been working as a nurse for the past 20 months. Now I work there officially as an experience expert too and this is part of my job now. Really intense but great stuff to be able to share some of my journey. To give back some of what was given to me.
I learned it all here. This place, all the folks here gave me a voice. I could never have done this alone and I’m forever deeply in all your debt. Have as good a day as you can all. Sober and clean. Much love.
Storm Isha is upon us now but I think I’ll commute just ahead of the thick of it. Will keep you posted @HolySquid. Pic is from outside my work yesterday morning, last day of snow and ice for the foreseeable future. X
@Forgive_Yourself thanks friend. In sorry that you are feeling this way. Were you able to get some rest and food? Did that make you feel any better? Here if you need to talk. 
I hope that you are able to see how much you are working on yourself now and can find a way to forgive your past self. We can’t change our pasta but with our actions today we can mend our wounds and move forward.
@Dolse71 nicely done Paul. One more month in the bag 
you are doing great my friend
@Mischa84 I’m sorry that you are feeling so ill love. Totally understandable that you are short nerved and angry as you are unwell and having to deal with 3 toddler boys. Sending you quick healing and strength. Much love Mischa 
@MrFantastik 50 days is awesome Marty! 
@tryingthisagain welcome to the community friends. An incredible job of getting back on track and having 16 days is amazing . That addict mind and it’s tricks of moderation can be so convincing. Now you know for sure that moderation is not for you. We got your back here …will support you through this journey. Hope to see you around and looking forward to sharing in your milestones
@Pavlovs_Dog congratulations on your double digits 
thank you for the shout out… grateful that you are here with us stacking on these beautiful days
So grateful for this. 339 days girl …could be the milestone malady sinking in. You are kicking ass each day- keep going strong Great job on dealing with the bar drunk.
@soberwalker love the private onsie party…hope you had a blast!! Congratulations on your triple digits friend… great work on staying away from social media
@jimz congratulations on your 3 weeks Jim. Keep on this healthy journey
@Noshame addiction is gross and slimy…so grateful that you did not give in. Grateful that you can see it for what it is and keep working on your recovery . Super proud of you friend