Day 53. Good morning everyone, just excited to have a couple days off. Didn’t sleep all day today so that’s good. Really annoyed with this over fixating on things. For example yesterday I was laying down in bed, I said to myself, idk if I want to lay here, or get up and play some Xbox or call of duty or watch a movie and order some pizza hut. I literally repeated it to myself for like 45 minutes straight, I’ve never really done stuff like that so it’s bugging me and it’s like obsessive compulsive. Idk I finally ordered some pizza hutt and watched a movie. I took me new medication before bed and this time didn’t notice anything, I couldn’t shut my brain off and I was up until about 3 or so. So idk I’m honestly sick of medications all together and don’t think in going to take a damn thing anymore. They don’t ever seem to actually help me id rather go through life a little depressed and just work on what I can naturally. Selling my tattoo machine today and I’m fine with that, not much else to say. Much love
I get like that too. I will lay in bed for HOURS going thru shit in my head. Ive literally told my mind to just stop and let me sleep bcuz it gets sooo tiring after awhile. The doctor told me it was anxiety that was causing this overthinking. She increased my anxiety med and gave me a sleeping pill to use when I need it. I hear what ur saying tho about the meds. Its frustrating to find what works and usually alot of meds take time to work at their full strength. Ur selling ur tattoo machine? Are u just not interested in tattooing anymore? Ur quite an artist so I hope u at least continue to draw
Day 692
Knee is in quite a bit of pain this morning. But i made it to work. Just needing to find a good position for my leg so that it doesnt hurt. So far work is good! Weekends are hard for me with healthy eating. But i packed a pear for a snack and a chicken breast salad for lunch. All n all today will be a fantastic day!
It really truly is so frustrating bc I have been through so many and a lot of the times the side effects always hit me more then then the med helps. But yeah im not interested in tattooing anymore, nobody comes to me for tattoos anymore. A couple girls from work saw my work and were interested in a tattoo, but I don’t have a printer or iPad or even really a good space. It’s to hard trying to get everything I need to peoples houses on a bike and back pack lol. I won’t miss it, it was a fun piece of my journey while it lasted. I don’t like how much I beat myself up after I do a tattoo either, maybe someday way in the future when I am healed I’ll pick one up again but for now I’ll sell it. The tattoo machine was a gift anyways so no loss lol. Hope you’re doing well today Dana super proud of you girl
I think if you keep on your path there will potentially come a day when art and tattooing will be a next step again. It’s okay to let go of things when they aren’t serving you. And if that doesn’t come again that’s okay too. I was obsessed with knitting for a long time and I just haven’t felt like I wanted to do it lately. Like for the last couple years actually. And I’ve come to terms with that, maybe my interests are different. And maybe I’ll get back into it or not, who knows. We can change a lot, especially when getting and being sober. And the sleep stuff, that’s so frustrating. I’ve dealt with periods of insomnia for most of my life. I suggest looking up sleep hygiene. Things like a bedtime routine that you keep religiously. A set bedtime. No screen time an hour before bed. Some meditation before bedtime, some light stretching, a bath to calm down etc. when I have done this I had the best sleep. I am not good at keeping this routine for myself but I know it can work. Give it a go!
Had a struggle falling asleep last night. Kept thinking about my brother. The memories we’ve had, both good and bad. The pain and anger I caused him, and the abuse and trauma he caused me. I know I can’t change anything about our past but the mind always wants to go there. I’m just glad we were able to make amends before it was too late. He is such a fighter, and continues to do all he can to hold onto this life… Even through all of his pain. It’s difficult to want him to keep fighting knowing that he is suffering. Almost selfish, but how does one divide and separate these feelings for someone they love so much?
The foster kids are so sick. They don’t even want to eat. I’ve had to resort to giving them Pedialyte to keep their hydration up and am going to have to consider medical attention if things don’t get better by early this upcoming week.
The sun is shining today so I am very much enjoying that and trying to make the best of my day. I’m pushing through the exhaustion and hoping to get a second wind soon.
@chosen2001 How are you doing Chris? @frank68 Congrats on your 80 days Frank! Keep that momentum going @wahtisnormal Congrats on beating your record Zoe– you should be super proud of yourself – it’s a huge achievement. Wishing you luck with your training – the trip and training in for your martial arts sounds awesome and intense… looking forward to your Thailand trip. Very cool perler – can’t wait to see your other creations. @garry how’s it going Garry? Weekends are the toughest for sure – I find making sure I don’t have any idle time really helps. We have your back here in case the urges strong. Keep going strong – I see the 1 week milestone in your future @monkey Welcome to the community – great work on your alcohol free timer! @lastry Congrats on double digits Fiona! LOL I love the UFO night – I actually joined you unknowingly last night – was great feeling to work on one of the projects just laying around (almost started a new one @pinkyp so lovely to see you checking in – 657 days is remarkable friend
I love this Sabrina! So love spreading kindness around. I have recently gotten comfortable in complementing random strangers mostly females still need to work on it with males without it getting weird. I think its awesome when you can bring a smile to someone’s face @trixie1 post holiday blues and winter grey skies can make for a blah mood – it will pass. I try to up my vitamin d, I know some use the SAD lamp, maybe play some happy music or watch comedy to get those laughing happy muscles going. We are here if you need us @louloubelle 6 months!!! WOOT WOOT! This is awesome sauce – so very happy for you. Keep this awesome momentum going
Checking in again as having a nice Saturday everything has been so doom and gloom lately that I want to throw some pink fizzy energy out into the ether.
Done the pantry, it looks neater and the boys food all fits in now too on their own little shelf
The heating and hot water broke in the apartment block, but we went for our swim and showered there.
Local store had a few bargains on, like a £45 turkey crown for £11 with a month still on it! Got a few bits to last the week but not a lot as I don’t do well with an overly stocked fridge. Banging bargs!!
Heating fixed and hot water back when we finally got home… The boys were angels in the living room for their first time… Usually when out they get the bedroom, their bathroom and the hallway. They behaved so well. Excellent little monkeys!
My better half is cooking me lemon ginger chilli chicken with Parmentier potatoes and with almonds, while I’m watching sitting watching the FA CUP .
life is beautiful sometimes and I’m starting to adore my kittens way too much! They have been here 9 days now and I can’t imagine life without them!
Struggling tonight. My Mum is dying from lung cancer and now there are a matter of weeks left she is ready to move into the spare room. She wants to stay at home until the end but doesnt want to die in the bed her and my Dad share (which I totally get!). Tomorrow I am going to set up her new room with all the things she loves and make sure she is comfortable. I can’t do anything about this but I can help her to pass exactly the way she wants.
Driving home, all I wanted to do was stop at the bottle store but I came straight home, logged on here and waiting for the 7pm meeting in 10 min. I will go and clean out a shelf in my wardrobe as soon as the meeting is over and by then the feeling will have passed and I will still be sober.
@mindofsobermike I’m sorry for all the anxiety and restless nights. I totally understand the frustration with meds and how the side effects are sometimes worse than the original ailment. Sometimes the side effects are exactly what you are trying to get away from. For me I decided to quit all meds last year in January hoping to find natural ways to heal myself. It took a lot of research and is taking a lot of time. I am over a year into it and seeing results but they are very slow to appear. The good news is that they are appearing. I had to change up my entire diet to help my body flush out all the meds. Did this all with help from my doctor and nutritionist. Saying this so you know that it can be done but is not easy. Sending you big hugs – hope you find a good solution for yourself. @butterflymoonwoman I’m sorry your knee is still causing you so much discomfort. Hope that it doesn’t give you too much pain at work today. Have you see a doctor about it? Way to go with your 2024 start! Very motivational @charlie_c so good to see you here with us Charlie – Thank you for your honesty and a wonderful job on day 2! @noshame enjoy the first snowfall and be safe on the roads. @lastry Big hugs to you Fiona – I am so very sorry love. I can only imagine how emotional of a time this must be. Grateful that you did log on here and will be going to the meeting. Know we are right here for afterwards too. Sending you so much love my friend - you are not alone!
Checking in on Saturday afternoon…
This week has been a rollercoaster of emotions and all on the sad to depressive scale. I am glad to somewhat see the happy clouds. Just dealing with issues with my brother and his gf. Do not do well with gaslighting narcissist and now she’s coming out as the sympatric understanding one because i refuse to deal with her lying ass. Fuck it - at east i don’t have to see her two faced mug.
I am done crying and seem to be getting angry which i don’t want so will work on finding my happy place.
Really wanted a drink and a smoke today (paced and did laundry and dishes and spent time here to get past it --took some time) - i just really wanted to exhale so hard! Not gonna let anyone have that control over me – NAH i’m good - i will keep this sober streak going
sorry for the rant — feel much better. Wishing you all a wonderful addiction free day / evening.
Sending you all so much love.
everything has been so doom and gloom lately that I want to throw some pink fizzy energy out into the ether.
with almonds, while I’m watching sitting watching the FA CUP .
and I’m starting to adore my kittens way too much! They have been here 9 days now and I can’t imagine life without them!
