Great song and band.
I feel refreshed after having what was like having nearly 5 full days of respite!
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Day 702
Its finally starting to warm up here. Its -7C and its beautiful out! Got my son on the bus and i immediately went out to get my sons formula from the hospital. Thats always a long trek. I put everything away and then headed to the gym. Had a decent workout. Came home to eat and tidy up. Now just waiting for my son to get home 
Feeling good about things overall. Hope everyone is having a fabulous day!
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I have caused countless miscommunication, arguments, and concerns using texting. Even when not drinking. I just have a way of expressing myself that confuses people in writing.
good wishes for an smooth fix
-Solar
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How did the work day turn out? I bet someone was glad you were there. Actually, I am glad you were there, and not somewhere drinking! ODAAT
-Solar
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Iām so sorry that you are struggling Rosa - sending you big hugs. Do you have someone to talk to? Here if you need to talk or if you just need a sholder.
Hoping you took time today for some self care. 
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Day 44
Day 45 in a few hours as I was so dumb to bingewatch the Natalia Speaks documentary. Just couldnāt stop watching, what a fucked up family.
Only 5 hours left to get some sleep, but luckily I only have an online meeting at 9, I might get some extra zzz after that.
I downplay short nightās sleep by saying to myself it isnāt as bad as waking up with a hangover, but still, need to work on hitting that off-button on the remoteā¦
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Checking in on day 175.
The last few days have been pretty intense and stressful and I am feeling socially and emotionally drained.
I had to go full mama bear and escalate my complaint to try and get my daughter an education. She has been out of school for 13 weeks now with her mental health and no alternative education has been provided. It is shocking. I think Iām finally getting somewhere though. Iām so glad Iām sober right now and able to use my brain!
I hope everyone is doing OK, sending you all peace and power 
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Thanks Solar! Iām glad I was there, too. Itās like most things, I have anxiety beforehand but am glad I went afterwards. Have a great week and ODAAT
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@trustybird Congrats on your soon to be 700 days Emilie! 
Hope you got some great books and had a lovely lunch with your sis.
@catmancam Ah man sorry that they were not able to get in touch with you sooner. Big healing vibes to your niece- hope she starts feeling better soon and will not need any treatment 
@davina_davis Oh so grateful that this thread helped you today. We are always just a click away 
@dilettante sorry Kiki ā that sounds so frustrating. So grateful that you are able to advocate for your daughter. Sending you luck in figuring this out
Checking in on Tuesday evening
391 days free of alcohol and weed
806 days free of cigarettes
Was a mish mash day of emotions. I know its important to feel the feelings but not get sucked into the wallowing. That is a mighty fine line. Going to call it a night hopefully ā watching some cheezy movies on Prime to put me to sleep 
- this sleep schedule is all over the place.
Hoping everyone had a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love.
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Hey yaāll, said I would check in everyday and I missed yesterday! I did the drive yesterday, and kind of just dove in to being here with my mom and nephew.
What I see in me right now is that I have a hard time feeling. Its like I can see them, or they are there but I am just a bit. Its not numb, that i dont know is the right word and tough isnt it either. But I see it. I had the most BEAUTIFUL SKY on my drive in, and I enjoyed the sun being in my face the whole time. I felt my sister, thought of her and even played a bunch of new music (she was always the one introducing me to new music).
I am good at narratinf things, like what happened. I am good at tryinf to be proactive and taking action when hard and bad things happen. I wont say I have a hard time sittinf in emption, because I dont think I avoid it. But i dont know how the fuxk to conjure up feelings. My sister is gone, 2 years now and I cant wrap my brain around it. I am going to face her killer in a month, he was someone I considered my brother in law (they were not legally married but I always called him that anyway) and I know my VI statement is largely going to be direcred to him. I am here with my nephew, who I feel such a deep fuxking love for I cannot explain it (like I want him to be one of my chuldren because that is what I hoped for when he moved with us, and it did not work and there is so much pain there and fear of the future for himā¦okay i tried). I have a hard time talking about THE FEELINGS around all of this. I can be upset and mad and frustrated, i can say I am devastated but I cannot feel that devastation right now. Its sittinf somewhere. Anyway, this is a rambly mess but there it is. My mum says it often, and I hate when she says it because she is my mum and I dont ever want her to feel that way but its true: i cant believe this is my life. Sometimes I feel that way too, i cannot believe this is happening. And getting to be with my nephew where I can just give him all he needs, its like trying to hold on to something that cannot existā¦and the fear of where he will go I just cannot take it. What my mother is doing to keep him is extrodinary, and i am rambling again. I am trying to make the fuxking tears happen and they are sitting there and its fine but its also bothering me. Anyway, I am sober and I am so grateful for that. I am still smoking but one sonofabitch at a time. Xo and thanks for letting me stream my brain! Xoxoxox
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Day 46 in the bank
Checking in slightly early. But as Iām at work thereās no chance of folding.
Good day woke up early before work for a run. Busy day and just finished some pt at work before 2nd half of the shift.
Sobriety + exercise endorphins for the win.
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335
Pretty normal day. My lower back still hurt a bit but I think seeing the chiropractor immediately after shoveling yesterday unintentionally worked out perfect. Today I was outside for like 10 minutes total, shoveling and brushing the dust off my car, and my toes felt frostbit! I couldnāt get them warm for a while. My boots said ā keep you warm down to -30Ā°ā Bullshit! Grateful to have a warm house, whose heat is kicking on every 10 minutes! 
Anyway. Just another day. Keep fighting the good fight 
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Hang in there Rosa, you and I are in the same place. This site does help me, not seems to help me. I donāt consider my addiction my problem, but my symptom. Made it thru day 6 myself! But more importantly my āproblemā of my situation is getting better with the help of these great people I just met here. With getting the help to āstopā my symptom of drinking and smoking weed, I am better prepared to address the problem of healing from some family hurt, and progress is definitely happening. I have this little timer safe that I lock my keys and wallet in but didnāt have to, for three nights, but tonight I went out for groceries and then the urge to go back out to the store to buy beer hit after I got home and I immediately locked them away so that I couldnāt drive. Every bit helps. It is a wierd trick but it works for me.
So far every night I am drawn to this website since I found it, desperate for friendship in a not so friendly town, before bed to check in and be a part of something loving. It helps me sleep and such. Everything is relative, and know that we are feeling your pain and it kinda gives us a purpose and healthy distraction, when we are feeling exactly like you are. It frankly also gives me something healthy to do. Soon exercise and snap out of my funk is coming for me I know. I spent the last month in bed with mental health sadness. I relate. It sucks. Anyway, take care.
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Itās taken me a long time to realise that some days itās just tough and you have to accept that youāre struggling through. Just showering and getting dressed is the goal for the day, or eating something is a successful outcome. Theyāre called baby steps for a reason.
Keep it simple and keep it moving. I wish you weāll today
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56 no binge, no sugar
12 UPFs
12 dairy
Had the wildest cravings yesterday all afternoon and evening. Did not feel like acting on them. Somehow it gets easier with time.
Woke up after a really good nightās sleep. Always a great gift.
Streets are covered with freezing rain. I hope everyone gets safely through this weather.
Looking forward to todayās work, a winter walk, good food, and Yin yoga.
Whatever comes I hope to keep an even keel, and breathe.
Peace to yāall 
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Day 3
Sad tonight, but i got through the day
Probably because i work 7 days this week and i clopen (close then open) twice this week and im feeling pressure to be more physically active for muay thai (going to thailand in march and i need to get as physically fit as possible before then) but I cant do that if im working this much
Im fed up with the struggle of balancing work and hobbies and other life stuff, and getting enough sleep, theres not enough time for all of it and it feels defeating.
I also miss my (deceased) boyfriend, im trying to tell myself im doing amazing lately and im proud of myself, but i wish more than anything i could just hear him say those words.
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Sorry you feel this way Rosa, hope you will feel a bit better tomorrow. Any idea where this comes from? Hormones, winterdepression, relation ore other family issues? It alway helps me a bit when I can adress it 
Glad you came here to vent.
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Checking in day 17. Been getting support for my mental health and i am hoping to get a diagnosis so i can receive further help. Ive not been here too much because of mental health at the moment. But i try come on when i can and read peopleās stories as i find it inspires me to keep my sobriety going. I am at university still and i have exams, i am worried because i am not prepared but i hope that i can pass.
Struggling with insomnia lately, tried to take sleeping pills but they dont help. Hoping ill feel better and less exhausted after the exam period. Sorry for the moan, wishing you all the best! Have a great sober day.
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1684
I have an extra day off today as we were overstaffed for a change. Suits me fine. Got an online meeting with my former group therapists to evaluate the year of therapy I did with them. I donāt feel like it but thatās really the old me. Itās done, itās over, water under the bridge, no use to look back, that sort of feelings.
Also the way I ended it, after I didnāt see any other way out and forced the issue when I was mad at stuff that went not how I wanted, is how I used to handle stuff. At least this time we did speak about it where in the past I would just have run. So this appointment is probably good even though I donāt feel like it at all.
Experience expertise work went well yesterday. Already gaining some experience with it, and seeing moire differences with the nursing work I do, and how the doctors see it. Itās a very medical place I work at. While the experience work really is totally different. Going to be interesting to find my way in that. So far I like it. One day at a time. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
@ShyBert Weāre all different, but for me this place, and coming here daily, has been absolutely vital in keeping me sober, and thus for my mental health as well. Be careful with sleeping pills. Try sleeping hygiene, lifestyle stuff. Take care and all success with your exams Joseph.
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Congratulations on your one year sober @Amy30 Iām so proud of you. Itās a wonderful to follow your journey and by reading your posts I always feel very close to you. Keep doing the good work
And a big whoot whoot 
on your 700+ sober and clean days @Butterflymoonwoman
Youāre doing so great. It is fantastic to watch. You are such an inspiration to me. Thank you.
PS Iām just about to finish the Dublin Conqueror Challenge
Sober Day 172 for me.
Doing ok. Still lack energy but I still hope itās only the wintertime blues.
Stay strong everyone
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