These are wonderful tips and reminders thank you Jazzy. Love it, Love ya! 
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Congratulations on your 30 day milestone. Keep at it!
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Hi all,
Long day, but I love this new job. They have accepted my request for hours to suit my family better, so I am really happy & will be starting with them full time soon! Im just so happy that its gone this way, as I knew I couldnt take a job I couldnt take (if that makes sense).
It is a really big change in our home & I know hubby is feeling it. I have worked from home for the lastā¦I want to say 8 or 9 years? So my work and home work (LOL) has always been stuff I had to navigate together. He has always worked outside of the home, and its his first time working from home. This is just a big change in terms of responsibilities and dynamics. Im curious to see how it will go, but I am very happy with this new job & hope things work out.
Happy to be tired. Thats not what i meant to write but LOL Meant to say happy to be sober but there it is. Xo fam.
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Hi wonderful people of TS. I thought Iād check in here for a change. Itās a bit of a long post, so bear with.
You know when youāre having trouble sleeping and all kinds of thoughts run through your head? Many times it can be embarrassing things that youāve done in the past, like many memes on the internet suggest. I have those sometime too, but this time Iām livid. And itās not because of embarrassing things that Iāve done.
I canāt sleep because Iām angry at things that happened to me, where I felt that I was mistreated or taken advantage of.
So some background. I was bullied at school, and Iāve always felt that it affected me in such a way that I somehow always fell short for attention. By the time I was in high school the bullying was non existent, but I can see now how I behaved rather desperately to keep friendships. I would brake my own boundaries, quite easily, to get the acceptance from people. I didnāt understand this at the time, I was young and naive, but I see it now.
So Iām just kinda processing this in writing now, and am not sure where Iām going with this. Maybe I just need to get this off my chest so I can go back to sleep. Itās past midnight, around 3am so I rather sleep.
Itās just that there are some events or chain of events, that Iām angry about, or that is occupying my thoughts. So, I had a psychosis in 2005, and life after that was a bit of a shit show for a bit. I was afraid to talk about all of the symptoms that I had, I was afraid of the stigma that mental illnesses have, and also I really didnāt understand then what had happened to me, and I didnāt quite have the words, it was just such a unique, and scary experience. And looking back now, I was 24 years old, I didnāt understand life that much. Well, compared to now. Canāt say that I have to all figured out now either, but time has passed and I have gathered experiences in that time.
Anyhow, I was able to get some help from doctors, and all, but inside I was a ticking time bomb, if you donāt mind the metaphor. But I was able to do some work and have some kind of a social life, but in 2008 that sort of slowly shifted. I was working a job that was too much for me, and it was wee bit of a triggering environment, I was working as a teacherās assistant in a school. I got the job via an acquaintance, she worked as a teacher there.
I started slowly getting more anxious there and displaying unusual behaviour. And I remember it was the last week of school before summer holidays, my mum called me at work, and said to that she thinks itās best that we go to a psychiatric hospital. She said that she was worried about me. I was hesitant at first, but because I was feeling so burned out, I didnāt have the capacity to resist. Anyway, long story short, I went, they took me in, and I stayed there for four months.
Now what bothers me, is that this teacher, the acquaintance, vaguely knew my mum, and together with two other ladies, who all sort of knew each other, they talked about me behind my back, about my behaviour, that I had been displaying. Two of them were nurses, so they understood that I needed help. But how I wish that they wouldāve talked to me about it too. Yes I understand that I might have not been in a mental state to understand and hear all that they wouldāve said, but now weāll never know. And I understand that they did the best they could in that situation, they were worried about me. I just think that I would like to have been involved somehow. A year later I did talk with them, the three ladies and my mum, separately though. One of them got a bit defensive, but the rest understood where I was coming from.
And to be frank, I donāt know if they couldāve handled the situation any better, but Iām just here, replaying the situation in my head and the anger I felt then. And still do evidently. Should they have had an intervention for me, I donāt know. I mean I knew something was wrong with me, but I wasnāt willing to accept the gravity of it.
But thereās nothing I can do that would change the past. What I can do now, is deal with these thoughts and emotions.
Iām also angry at myself, how Iāve let myself be taken advantage of, because Iāve been too kind at times. Because I was bullied, and therefore desperate not to lose friends. Maybe thatās post for another time, Iām starting to get tired, yay! Anyway, once again, I cannot change what happened, but I can learn from it. I donāt have to be a dick, but I donāt have to be a push-over either.
Thanks for reading. 
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Day 716
Day is winding down. Had a fairly productive day. Exercised, had well balanced eating, im clean and sober, all good things that im going for these days. Going to do some self care in a bit. Nice hot shower, skin care, etc. Really hoping that I can keep this momentum up. I feel 1000x better when i have structure and routine to my day. Hope everyone is doing alright! Much love TS fam!
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Today work stress made me want to drink more than ever, BUT I didnāt and instead my counter is now at 12 days! Yayyy! I definitely ate alot more than I wanted and cried a bit, but those can be looked at as the lesser of the evils right? 
Stay strong everyone!
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Thatās great! I moved your post to this thread where lots of us share our counters and support each other. Hope you can participate more here!
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Thank u for sharing 
Im so sorry for everything uv been thru and how its still effecting u to this day. People honestly can be so cruel. Especially growing up. I was also bullied in school (prior to getting into drugs) and then also had issues with boundaries and friendships. I think we do the best we can to survive in our circumstances. Idk about u but i wasnt shown how to set boundaries or how to have healthy relationships so i did the best with the knowledge that i had. Maybe u can relate? I really hope that ur able to get some rest now. Its nice to see u on the check in thread 
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137 af
Warning! Vulnerability Post:
Iām going somewhere Iāll likely be tempted to drink (not going is not an option). Iām getting stronger in dealing with temptation, and deep down I KNOW I can do thisābut Iād appreciate any words of support. Thanks 
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Hey you, 137 days is amazing. I canāt wait to say that is my number. Tomorrow, youāre going to be 138 afā¦ because you are absolutely right. You CAN do this. Stay strong. Remember your reasons. Sending you love and courage
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I hope everything goes alright for u wherever ur going Are u able to leave early or step outside of this event if things get too tempting? It sounds like it may be a slippery situation as u said ur likely to be tempted. If things get too much, definitly come on here so that we can help u thru it. Good luck!
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Checking in on day 2 without alcohol. I had made it to about 5 months earlier last year, but started drinking again during a birthday mini vacation in the summer. It wasnāt too bad at first but continued to get worse and worse and recently I have been right back at the same feelings of disappointment, guilt, and sickness that I was a year ago before I stopped the first time. During those 5 months sober coming on here and reading/posting was super helpful and motivating. Iām glad to be back.
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Hey, good topic. It motivated me to go online searching for articles on temptation. Seems it might stem from some negative emotions, different for everyone. Guilt, shame, resentment. Maybe try to preview in your mind what emotions might crop up for you.
Happy sober day
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Glad to see you back! 
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Im glad ur back congratulations on day 2!
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Congrats on 30 days, Solar!!!
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Checking in on day 33, love to read everyoneās posts. Grateful that youāre all here on this journey.
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Though i am grateful for another day sober today was a rough one. I just started a new job. Today was day two. I had cravings for alcohol all day. Its crazy i havent had any cravings in more than 100 days but today was rough. I made it through and i will just keep pushing! Grateful for all of you guys that lift me up without even knowing it. I did my morning meditation and journaling. So i am definitely in the maintenance phase.
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8 days weed free. 2002 days alcohol free. Didnt gamble today.
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Day 32. I am exhausted over partnerships with my issues, which began with health, and kidlet issues.
Both kids are strapped with crap. For me, at their ages, I had already learned how to either deal with it, or just pretend it was āfine-just-fine.ā
Alas, this homeschooling Momma didnāt really raise them a bit like that. I was more about, āall issues are real issues to be dealt with.ā I raised them quite oppositely about things I kept sideways by alcohol consumption.
Bleh. Sober. Ready to be available every time their hearts or minds call to me.
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