@JazzyS Sorry to hear of your health struggles. I hope you get some answers soon.
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Awww, please feel better soon Jasā¦ I hate to think you are in pain. 
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Thanks, just need 1 more of 3 to clinch spot in finals. This will be his last year playing competitive hockey, so would be fun to be in the finals for his last season.
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Day 151
Been a little under the weather,going to make the best of my day, try and hit a meeting and run some errands, hope everyone has a good day. ODAAT!
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Checking in on Day 22. I feel so encouraged by the improvements the last couple of days. It is truly wonderful. This one feels pretty good too. I want to stay focused and disciplined, though, as days like these in the springtime can make me think Iām cured! I want to stay sober more than anything.
So thankful for this place and all of you
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Day 40 AF and Hangover freeā¦ what a great feeling.
Had a hard time getting to sleep, think I will chalk it up to an almost full moon!
@Butterflymoonwoman holding you and your son in my prayers. As a mom, I cannot imagine the pain. Love coming your way. 
Have a great day sober friends!
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I have been thinking a lot about the idea of being grateful for things breaking amd falling apart, being grateful that things jn life and people and relationships in your life break down because they no longer serve you.
I have been watching this inspirational/life wisdom type woman and her little videos about self-love and boundaries. She talks about the niggling feelings you get when someone says something or behaves a way towards you, and it just doesnt feel right but it isnt so wrong its obvious or youre just not sure what it is. I had this both with my step sister and step mom. My step sister has made righteous and somewhat snarky comments over the years, that were more subtle but demonstrated especially when reflecting back that she had a lack of empathy or compassion for me, a lack of undersranding and was judging me. But it was niggling, and now looking at how righteously she has cut me off. Like that, over something that is not about her it shows me that those feelings were telling me something. My step mom is overly empathetic, and speaks of things and tries to open wounds in a more empathetic way to get you tp talk about stuff and I always felt she wanted to dwell on negative things and to speak of people badly (bring up wounds in relationships) and while I always had that niggling feeling and didnt engage with her I always thought it strange how she would openly speak about my dad and their issues and then relate it back to him being a bad father, but in an empathetic way towards me like she just felt so sorry for my sister and I. I couldnt put my finger on it, but to be honest I didnt engage also because I was afraid she would perhaps record ehat I was saying to use in court should they ever head for a legal divorceā¦that is the level of mistrust I had, and also the types of manipulation I knew were not beyond her because of things she had done in the past. Yet; i never thought she was āthatā malicious, and never thought she would be playing both sides up the middle speaking to my dad and step sister about me. Being empathetic about my physival absence since having my own children, using times of great stress to weaken bonds further (loss of my daughter, posy partum anxiety, the pandemic and being pregnant and having our son after losing a child to viral meningitis). It just never occured to me thay that niggling feeling was that this was such an unhealthy person, and part of that I believe is becayse when you grow up with unhealthy and dysfunctional people, especially as a child, and your whole concept of love comes from this insanely unhealthy place and everyone around you also normalizes and accepts this behaviour its justā¦normal. i have been devastated by the loss of my atep sister, and just floored by her perception of me particularly as I have never done anything to her and her anger with me revolves around a narrative of me being ungrateful towards my dad and step momā¦it shows me how deep and far back the manipulation goes, and that she never challenged it given how she knows both of them and their deep issuesā¦it just reveals so much to me. My step mpm, I feel like I finally see through clear glasses and I am not devastated but wish i understpod this all sooner. I wished i had actually looked up what a narcissistic person was instead of dismissing it as an oberly used pop-psychology term. I wish i hadnt given her the venefit of the doubt for ao longā¦
But here is to letting things fall apart. To being grateful. I had always actually been very concerned about jow my step mpm could influence my daughter, as she needs to be the best, at the center and encourages lying. I always feared the relationship would be inappropriate bc from a ypung age it was - grand gestures when she saw her, promises of visits that never happened, saying VERY age inappropriate things and needing to be the ābestā grandparent. I knew that if anyone was going to be a problem as my daughter got older it would be her. She had no respect for small boundaries of a child, let alone what would happen if my daughter and I had tension in her teen years? My step mpm is the type of person who would swoop in, invite her to live with her, allow all kinds of inappropriate behaviour while encouraging her to lie to my husband and I about it and also divulging information avout me to my daughter in order to build a bond andvalidate the tension felt. I know exactly who she is, and how harmful she can be. So today, i wany to be grateful for things falling apart. Xo.
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Checking in day
318 no alcohol
249 no vapes or ciggs
120 no thc
Woke up with a headache
Not feeling work today at all but im going
Other then that im very happy to be sober because if i drank or smoked weed yesterday, right now would be pretty hard
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Interesting post
Lots of raw wisdom and lessons snd it all makes sence to me
Have a good day ok
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Aww @Butterflymoonwoman sending love and hugs. Good for you for identifying and processing your feelings rather than using at them. Im so sorry you and your son are going thru this. Gods got you
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Checking in on day 255. Happy Saturday,all!
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Middle of Day 4 
Taking it easy today, why not itās Saturday 
Making burgers for dinner later, simple.
Going to just stay indoors as itās tempting to restart but I wonāt do that. Day 1 was harder I canāt go back to feeling like that - why would I want to!
Iām so lucky that I didnāt really cause any serious damage to how hard I built my life back to.
I wonāt take that for granted.
After all, knowing there are all of us sober together from all around the world really gives me strength, and hope and knowing Iām not alone in this.
Reading alot here has helped me so much, as well as everyoneās ongoing encouragement and support is really reminding me that there is so much love and kindness in the world and thatās nice, not just to see, but to feel it too.
So thank you all 
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I thought maybe I was just crazy for thinking this! But i feel like i let my emotions lead and i can drink fairly the same amount and end up in the worst way than any other time. Also feel like itās gotten worse as I get older. Glad Iām not alone in that 
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Checking in day 5ā¦meh
Lots on my mind, sleep is almost non-existent, Iām anxious about anything that crosses my mind. I was up past 230am down a rabbit hole on google. Smh.
Cons: Im tired, im cranky, the weather sucksā¦ life stress is hitting me in the face today, my chest is tight, etc
Pros: Iām alive, Iām not hung over, SO reached for a hug this am, all things meant to be will work themselves out
Just gotta breathe and stay sober today
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I always justified the wine by saying thereās only 4 (full) glasses in it. Oh manā¦ and then would open another bottle. Proud of you for staying sober 
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Checking in 27 days. Went to the symphony last night with my wife and had a great time. I am unfortunately coming down with a cold of some sortā¦ probably from overworking so much recently. Trying to to rest this weekend and recover.
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Just wanted to check in. Today I am starting my 361st day clean and sober. So happy, so proud, so Blessed!
So this Thursday will mark my 1 year anniversary of not using methamphetamine. I was a daily user for several years and nearly a year ago I decided enough is enough. I FINALLY wanted that change, to better myself, to stop living in decay mode and move toward growth. I wanted better. I did it!!! Itās extremely hard, but with ODAAT, it IS possible.
I have really been thinking long and hard bout what else I need to do to beome healthier. That would be to drop my other bad habit and give up my cigarettes. Ive smoked since I was 17. I am nearly 39. I believe Iām ready too now. I believe I want to and so I think Iāll share my sobriety anniversary with being TF
Have a great sober Saturday yāall!!!
āāāāā
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Iāve been thinking about an air fryer for some time now. Especially after friends of mine told me all the kinds of foods they can prepare in it. On the other hand itās a bulky and expensive machine 
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Congrats on being so close to a year Ashley 
I never knew your DOC. Very impressive 
Sending you extra strength to kick those cigarettes to the curb too! ODAAT! 
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