Checking in 198 SAF 183 no smokes. I’m off today luckily. , Been up almost all night. The dog had mouth surgery a few days ago, and now is constantly licking the inside of her mouth 
. Vet said it’s normal healing and will subside but she’s loud . It’s like listening to a faucet drip. So between that and the stress of selling and buying a house, moving, there’s just know way I’m gonna sleep tonight. So I’ll try and catch up a little bit here. 
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Up early on day 15. I wake up naturally really early now which is another benefit to sobriety- more time to love your life (and remember living it, too). Today we move on from our holiday spot to get back home for the holiday weekend (here in England today is a public holiday, as is Monday). We have a big family meal planned for Sunday and I have told anyone coming they need to BYOB and take it away with them too. As this isn’t my first try at sobriety I’m not worried about that, I don’t tend to find the early days that hard… it’s later the demon comes back. Not this time.
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Don’t know, how I missed this post before.
I totally feel you.
I was raised in a Pentecostal cult.
The realization was a hard hit, and the fact that some ideas and thoughts is still affecting me bothered me a lot at first. But now, not so much.
I know why I don’t or can’t do some things for example. And I can work on it, or let it be what it is. It’s easier when I got a real explanation for it.
I don’t hate anyone, if something I feel a bit sorry for them for missing out on life.
I did eventually leave my church and I have a child (who’s now an adult) with a man from Jehovah’s. Left that relationship when I realized I didn’t want to get stuck in something very similar to my own church again. And as you might know they cut contact with everyone if you leave. So haven’t seen or talked to that kid in like 20 years.
Authorities does nothing because we have the freedom of religion here.
I’m happily married and yet I was almost back in to my old church a few years ago.
I miss them, I miss the feeling of belonging, especially around holidays like Easter.
But I would never go back.
Long story, you can always read the full one in my story if you wish.
Point was that you’re not alone.
And with the risk of Sounding like a bad cliché, you’ll feel better if you aim or re-direct that hatred and anger into something you can use.
You might want to look up something called religious trauma as well.
Hope I didn’t made a too messy response. There’s so much I want to say.
Wishing you a wonderful Easter sending all my positive energy and bright light your way.
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Day 440.
Well… that’s another cool number. So, I have this friend who keeps going on about stuff she wants to do but never does it. For her, life always happens in this vague futuristic la la land. It drives me bonkers. Then I realised I can be like that too sometimes. We all can. But not today.
I’ve spent the past couple of days intensely researching and coming up with a plan. What I’m doing right now is not sustainable and it’s unlikely to produce a wage I’m happy to live on. So it’s time for a change. I’m signing up for an online TEFL course to get qualified as an English teacher. There are loads on online platforms I can get work on after qualifying and I always have the option of taking on private tutoring students in my home town when I’m not travelling. Further down the line, I could raise the money for a more intense higher qualification, even pursue a degree, and get seasonal work in language centers all across Europe. It fits my nomadic lifestyle and it’s something I could get really good at. So… I’m going back to school. Something needs to change starting now. Not in a nondescript futuristic la la land.
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It’s a Dutch documentary, called Van God Los. But I’m afraid there’s no subtitles…
I liked this one too:
@Davina_Davis did you watch Love Has Won? That one is craaa-zy!
(Edit: Sorry for the spam, I hope it’s okay I posted these links)
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118 days
Super quiet day at work and I had to do the admin work for the crew, it wasn’t too bad but oh man I feel like it takes me twice as long as other people. Feel way more comfortable doing practical training.
The day went slow but good now that I’m home we have my brother and his family staying for the weekend.
There is some drinking but not much and they know im not drinking anymore so no issues there.
Had plenty of time to read around on here today too so thats a big help.
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Thanks Sophia, I appreciate it 
I’m sorry you went through something similar but I’m glad you were able to move on. Losing a child to a cult though, can’t imagine what that would be like…
I kinda moved on and have a pretty good life now, but sometimes old scars get ripped open by documentaries like this. Especially in my own language. It was confrontational and I felt sick for a couple of days… I’ve read about religious trauma but for now burrying the past feels better, maybe someday in the future I’ll be open to work on that. I’ll check out your story later today, thanks again for reaching out, Sophia 
EDIT: I have nothing against JW btw, some are the sweetest people I’ve know. My anger is aimed at the church and it’s leaders, I think they are pure evil.
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This is awesome. 
Good luck with all your classes.
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 31
Good Friday.
We’re going to my mother’s house for a family gathering in a few hours.
Tried to call my Ma a few times yesterday, to get some planning done. My Brother said that she hasn’t planned a bit, which is pretty much like usual.
Couldn’t get a hold of her. She was at work, and when my brother eventually did reach her late last night. She was so drunk so she could barley speak.
Because she had “Started to celebrate Easter like Jesus did, with wine”
Didn’t look forward to today before, I really don’t like this obligated family gatherings. And I definitely don’t look forward to it today.
I’m pretty sure she won’t even be awake at 11.00 which was the time she set herself earlier this week. And I’m pretty sure she haven’t even been to the store, so it’ll be me and my brother that’s going to put it all together. It always is.
At least it’s just a few hours,and then we’ll be back home to celebrate nice and calm. Without obligations.
Today our Easter Bunny helper, have indoor party poppers ( it’s like a Christmas cracker but filled with confetti) and glow sticks for the boys so they can scare away witches tomorrow. 
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Maybe it’s time for new friends? 
You deserve better friends! Friends who are there for you instead for getting a drink. You need sober friends to surround you with.
But good of you to get to that theater instead! 
Congratulations for the double digits Sarath! 
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@MrFantastik Have a peaceful weekend friend
@Amy30 I really like your attitude 
and people always talking about what they might do and never changing anything drive me nuts too. Keep us posted how it goes.
@james83 Wishing you a weekend free of temptations.
@Jasty2 Hope you find some sleep soon. I’m really useless without it, but you seem to be taking it in strides 
@Scorpn I hope you’ll find some time for self care in midst of all the planning 
@Just_Laura I fear you 
@s_unrelax Good job on double digits! New sober friends will come into your life over time. Just takes a while.
@Whereswaldo You’re doing great going strong on two weeks! Anxiety especially in the evening is a known symptom in early sobriety. A lot of people make use of soothing sounds, music, podcasts or guided meditations to help them to down regulate before bed time.
@Ashley_luvz_starz Wow! What an achievement. You can be really proud of your hard work 
@BJonns Good to have you back here. What are you going to do differently this time around?
128 sugar
26 UPF
12 PF
12 overeating/binge
Goals for today: not eating after supper time, setting up a good schedule for the day, setting a timer for HALT and prayer breaks, keeping food journal, mindful eating, learning to be in my body, surrendering to the present moment.
Woke up with a head ache and feeling overall like I’ve eaten something off. Coffee will help, but I want to investigate the issue.
Today is Good Friday an official holiday here. Basically a long weekend from today on till Monday. Four days of doing mostly nothing. Today I want to divide my time between video games, reading, and TV. Sparkling a walk and some relaxing yoga in between. Almost forgot there is a jazz thing going on in the evening I want to go to. That should do it for today.
One more day for us all with a chance for peace, kindness and freedom 
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End of day 8 beginning of Day 9. Keeping myself busy at home with gaming and other activities. Have work tomorrow so that will keep me busy.
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I did that for years, didn’t talk about it. Didn’t think about it. Didn’t pretend it was important.
A pretty big reason to why I used drugs and alcohol.
Eventually I didn’t have a choice. And started to be more open about it.
There’s been a murder/cult case that’s been pretty big here in Sweden. It wasn’t in my village,but in a village pretty far from me.
But it was in “my” church, in a very similar community. Lately there’s been books and a lot of documentaries about it.
When it first happens I was still involved in church. We had gotten a new preacher which no one really liked. And I remember my friend bursting in to my apartment screaming “Sophia, Sophia that could have been us”
I’ve followed that case in every step of the way.
It’s interesting and a bit scary.
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92 days.
Good Friday. What does it mean here?
Well, all stores seem to have 80 choices of wine bottles to mix for three for £18.
The mass exodus of cars are aggressively pushing their way out the city and beeping annoyed at each other to get some place.
Hot cross buns are on sale everywhere for cheap in a million flavours.
Chocolate eggs will stay in stores for weeks before they get sent, somewhere?
Barbie the movie drops for streaming.
The block is quiet and still, our nomad numbers off for visits and family stuff.
The gym shuts rudely early…have a two pm swim booked and that’s the last session of the day.
But I always liked Easter previously due to the four day weekend. It was an excuse to get wrecked hugely. Anything above secular appeal doesn’t really appeal to me.
I’m actually pretty excited for Barbie. I had tickets to see it first time around, months ago, in the cinema. I was so hungover so we gifted them to my neighbour and her little girl. I’ll stay sober this time and watch it at home with some good food and water and tea.
Zoning in on that century of days. My head could be better, but it could be worse.
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Good morning 
I noticed Also my Tesco shop that just delivered, in the receipt, the club card prices are marked up more expensive then the original price 
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1756
My sixth cold
this winter if I recall 'm right. Well. It’s just a cold. It’s always good to remind myself how I drank (as a remedy, yeah right) and smoked (no excuse for that, not even then, just totally addicted) right through colds and flus and whatever when I was still actively using. Never again.
Writing class was nice again. I’m not doing much today. I’m thinking of something healthy and wholesome to cook for myself, some soup maybe? Than one weekend of work and my holidays are here. Easter doesn’t mean that much to me. To my home town it means the start of the tourist season in earnest. It is what it is. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love and tulips from Amsterdam.
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So crazy! Happy Easter Twizz,I see you racking those numbers up again! I’ve completely given up on food deliveries from stores now and buy little bits almost daily or every few days from local shops. They always had horrendous dates and poor quality stuff delivered. The stores aren’t much better, it’s all so expensive these days!! At least our drinking water is reasonable… Wait, 40% increase? What a load of junk in this UK trunk.
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Happy Easter to you too 
Yes I like to go to the shops, gets me out and about.
It makes me laugh this morning well not in a funny way telling us the energy prices are going down - when the weather warms up and no one needs to put the heating.
Oh dear il stop moaning now
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I’m in a cycle of money being vacuumed out of my soul from every angle at the moment here. 
I wish I could laugh, but it might cost me.
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59 days AF checking in
Feeling quite good. Endorphines of a very nice swim experience still kicking in.
Had a anxious morning yesterday, it’s about the apartment again, there were handymen in the cellar and the landloard and they were screaming like shit and smashing the doors.
Lol what elegant men. Not.
Charlie panda cat was with me and started sounds I never heard from him before and had a lowered posture. Think he was afraid of the noise and maybe wanted to protect me.
Feeling not to bad in my body, if it’s coming up I am activating some love on all my curves. The liked and disliked. 
Will leave here to our house for eastern, meeting niece and brother and mum of course, realy looking forward to meet the clan lol.
Love you guys
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