40 Days - On my way to my first friday aftercare program.
Hope everyone is doing okay, nice 24 to y’all.
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@diamonster thank you, I will now 🩵
@Davina_Davis thank you, I believe that too 🩵
@Chosen2001 congrats on 11 months 
@K_S congrats on double digits I’m so glad your friend reached out 🩵
@Juli1 I can really relate to light and smells being like noise, it can be intolerable. I hope you get your glasses sorted asap, it sounds nauseating 
🩵 Outdoor pool, yay! 
@Sabrina80 I’m sorry you’ve been unwell I can relate to taking things personally 
I hope your first day back went okay 
🩵
@JazzyS thank you 🩵 usually I just meditate and do breathing exercises, but starting from next week I’ll be having a Zoom chat on therapy days at 5pm, with one of the Safe Soulmate facilitators, so that will hopefully help a lot. I’m glad your eye is starting to feel better and that you were able to get out for a walk 
that tofu sounds yum 
but ouch for the bee sting, hope it’s not too painful today
@leroy welcome back congrats on 40 days it sounds like a great living enviroment for your sobriety
@Seizetheday congrats on 4 months
@Chevy55 sorry about the delay in getting your results. Gym is looking 
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@Mali congrats on getting the job 
I hope the negotiating goes well 
@Rookie congrats on 80 days
@Just_Laura you’ve done a great job with your daughter’s room 
@Deelzebub congrats on all the 3s
@tifflynn07 I’m so grateful for your friend 🩵 congrats on 123 days
@james83 I feel you S.A.D still has a firm grip on my soul atm. It sucks. Sending strength 🩵
@Noshame congrats on 3 weeks no marijuana and for tackling the nicotine demon too
@Rob11 
@wahtisnormal congrats on your new PB
@MrFantastik congrats on 5 months
1361 days no alcohol.
826 days no cocaine.
341 days no vape.
2 days no binge-eating.
Checking-in with yesterday’s numbers…
Yesterday, for the first time probably ever, I really and truly “sat” (layed) with my feelings. At times, I felt like I was going to break down into floods of tears, but as usual, they wouldn’t come. I couldn’t label any of the feelings, but I allowed how I felt. I also did 10 meditations because it helped me feel less alone in my emotional turmoil.
I didn’t have any cravings again, none today so far either. I think my brain and body are completely done with using food to cope. I feel so emotionally and physically exhausted from what I’ve put myself through, and quite nauseous. It feels like a break-up, but one that’s been a hell of a long time coming.
Yesterday evening one of the Safe Soulmate’s facilitators reached out to me to see if I was attending last night’s LGBT+ group, I said I was sorry but I didn’t think I would be due to my mental state. She then asked if i was free to hop on Zoom for a chat, so I did, and we have agreed to have a chat at 5pm on my therapy days, to see if that helps. I don’t like to burden anyone but we’ll see how it goes. Then because she’d taken the time to chat through things with me, I did join the group, albeit with my camera off and barely saying a word, but she was glad I did.
Today I will read the final chapter of my latest book. I am also plotting to go to the gym/swimming/both, but I’m not holding my breath on that.
🩵
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Hi guys, here I am checking in on day 362. Not long now until my first year sober. I got some news to share with you. My marriage has broken down, the wife has left. Drinking doesn’t even cross my mind. Do you know what, I’m ready to let this happen. I’m tired of trying, I’m tired of fighting. Perhaps I couldn’t see clearly during my cycles of self destruction, but I’m stronger now and it’s time to get the life I deserve. Have a great weekend folks 
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Thanks all, not wanting to share a lot at the moment. I’m fine, experienced insanity firsthand of someone I loved dearly in a short amount of time. So I choose to leave last night at 01.45 am. I choose myself. Was like looking into a mirror, when she noticed I wanted to leave she took the keys from the door and locked me in. To be honest I was terrified, knowing I wouldn’t have defended myself, because I decided to never lay hands on another person ever again except out of good intention and love. When I mentioned that was like keeping me hostage she snapped briefly out of it, opened the door, stayed a while. But at another verbal stroke at me, I decided to leave. She came outside trying to open the doors of my car, put the window a bit down. She asked why I left, I replied with “you leave me no other choice”. She replied it’s your choice. It is to, but there was only one option left. Gaslighting me with if you leave now you don’t have to come back. Positioned herself in front of the car (flashback). Drove home…, receiving Wa messages and a phonecall in the mids of the night. Send her a message in the early morning that I hope she wakes up good. She replied with a thumps up.
Longer then I expected (there is of course more detail to this) , probably because I need it out of my system….
Trying to focus on selfcare today, my son is coming in the afternoon. Tonight visiting one of the last soccer matches of the season. Enjoying a warm bath now.
Grateful for this place……
Still day 1231
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Today started a bit rough after another night of bad sleep. I’ve been having bad dreams again the past few nights and have trouble getting back to sleep afterwards. So I was a bit grumpy this morning. Then I discovered another one of my sheep had been killed which is the 2nd one in 2 weeks time. Several of my neighbors have also had sheep killed within the past months. Fortunately I was able to find the culprit nearby during my hike. I was pretty shocked to find a very elderly snow leopard! Poor guy is in pretty bad shape. No wonder he is coming down for easy prey. He looked very poorly so I got some neighbors who have some vet training to take a look at him and the poor guy is nearly blind and seems be be sick. We are worried about him and also for our animals since he seems to not be able to hunt any longer. I am looking into taking him to the wild life refuge where he can still live in the wild but maybe have an easier life. So all in all it’s been an eventful Friday! I didn’t get much work done today like planned but have been productive in other ways. Have been relocating my flock to a different pasture so they are less likely to be bothered…or eaten🤦♀️. I’ve made plans for tomorrow. My friend will come and stay the weekend with me. Tomorrow will mark 30 days sober for me!
Hoping that I’ll be able to rest better tonight.
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Day 119 AF
This morning after many conversations with a dear old high school friend, I have decided to block him out of my life.
I have given him a place to live for 6 months when his apartment was flooded last summer and he needed to find a new home. He’s very low income, and I have helped him too many times to count with literally $1000’s of dollars in cash, gift certificates, food, clothes etc. over the past few years since moving back home .
My issue is he just won’t try. He won’t change. He places everything in “gods” hands and everything everyone does for him is “god” providing. Not his good friends that go to work each day and use there savings to keep him from starving, while he collects unemployment. He won’t find work full time as he likes his summer employment and taking it easy during the colder months, but that means every single year he is a month without any money at all and the remainder of summer he is trying to catch up. Then the month between layoff and unemployment coming he is once again without.
All of his other friends have given up long ago, so I was the only one still helping him and that weight of mental and financial support just was getting too much and he doesn’t even appreciate the people that do this, just thanks his god…
Trust me, I am not against anyone and their belief system, but cmon… people are doing this work. And he has to do some work also to help himself…
I hope you all don’t think less of me for giving up on him, it’s literally been years of support to a man that won’t help himself.
With my focus on health and wellness I am trying to change my group of friends to people that embrace change. That want improvement in themselves and the world. That put out positivity in the world and are open to change. I just found he was like an anchor that was drowning me. Slowly pulling me under. There are many other issues within that relationship like me trying to teach him how to cook more cheaply as opposed to everything he eats is microwavable, processed, easy and expensive when he cannot afford to eat that way. But he just refuses to try and learn… yes he has an undiagnosed mental issue, but even giving him numbers to call and try to get government support, he says he will and just never does.
Anyway, enough of this and him. I am moving on but am feeling guilty as I always do when I need to leave a person behind. It’s just not in me to not help someone in need, but how long do I keep doing when he is just waiting for death to knock on his door so he can once again be with his beloved (obsessed over) passed mother?
I am so frustrated today over this.
Have a peaceful days TS peeps
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This is so beautiful, I don’t even know what to say.
May I ask where do you live?
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Happy Friday! Woke up sober and will do my best to end the day the same! Off to work now and wishing you all a great day 
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Day 63
Good morning. My sleep continues to improve. Not near perfect, but now I’m getting enough to function and not be super moody. And everything else hinges on that.
I love the calmer, no adrenaline feeling I get when I sleep well. I can exercise better. It’s helping me heal so I can return to life, work hobbies, people.
So happy I walked away from my old life. I wasn’t going to survive it. But now there are huge empty spots where bad things were. I filled the holes with bird seed for the time being. 
It will get sorted and will be much better. This summer holds promise in its wicked hot tentacles 
For today, I’m going to do some weight training, and draw up some plans for different projects here. It’s still raining for a few more days, then… 
Lots of love, happy Friday
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Sorry you had to go through this.
Breaking up with friends is so hard, and it really makes you feel like the bad guy.
Trough the years I’ve been breaking up with several friends, for my own good.
My dear childhood friend, who I’ve been in and out of addiction with. When I first got sober he decided that he didn’t want to talk to me.
It broke my heart.
But we figured it out eventually.
Just in time for him to start using drugs again, I broke with him for good after saving his kid from horrible car accident, when my former friend decided to drive under influence. I didn’t want his kid to go, so I said I’ll keep the kid here until he came back. 10 mins later he rolled with the car ended up in hospital. Totally wrecked the passenger side where said kid would’ve been.
Social service got into that but somehow they didn’t do anything.
A few months later he brought his kid to a deal in the middle of the night. Cops found the boy sleeping in the car at a parking lot in a rough area 03.00 at night. My former friend was unconscious after being badly beaten.
Social services got involved once again. Kid got to stay here a few nights until he was permanently placed in foster care. Said friend has since then gotten his kid back. And claims being clean and sober. Despite that I see him hanging around with the local dealers/users. And I’ve met him when he’s been so out of it that he doesn’t even know where he is. It breaks my heart everytime.
Haven’t said a word to him since the kid got placed. I just can’t make myself do it.
Then I broke with my friend since 20 years just a few months ago. I got tired of him trying to convince me to choose him over my husband. And just being a jerk in general.
He has no kids and doesn’t like his current girlfriend who he’s been with for 10 years. And has been trying to get me to have his kid. I refused and eventually I got tired of it, so I ended that.
And then we have my husbands former best friend, who is in a similar situation as your friend. he’s been staying here back and forth for years as well. He’s a gambling addict with and Alcohol problem. Last time around in December last year he stayed with us. And decided to get involved in a love affair with my daughter. I throw him out after him throwing a fit at me, about how they both are adults and got to choose for themselves.
Well guess what? I’m an adult and got to choose not to share my home or my life with idiots. So I didn’t. Both of them are still mad at me, even if my daughter do make an appearance here from time to time.
Sorry about the long post. Tried to make it a message instead but was unable to do so.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1419. I hope everybody has a good one!
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I live in Kyrgyzstan. They are such beautiful animals.
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Cheking in sober. I obviously have silent pneumonia. That fired up my healthanxiety, So Im sure I got something in my lung, and Im going to die 
And I got this coughing medicin, and picking it up they say its addictiv, so now Im scared to take that. And the penicillin, because I have trouble swallowing and afraid it will get stuck and choke me
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Day 1361
I am struggling to keep up with this thread these days. It has been a part of my life since before I got sober, so I am sad to miss posts from people I know, and miss chances to find new people. But IRL life is busy and full. I am not even falling foul of secondary issues like disordered eating or mindless media consumption these days. Work, and study, and kids, and exercise. All good. 
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Love your numbers of 123. Im so sorry you were so close to the edge but glad you were able to turn it around. Stay with us @tifflynn07
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That story and picture puts tears in my eyes. Always been my favourite big cat. Thanks for caring friend. 
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The job interview went excellent. Will join the lady that interviewed me and already does the work for a couple of hours next week to get a better idea of what exactly it is. But it looks like a position I could really do well in. Maybe even combined with my current experience work. I’d like that. I’ll keep you all posted.
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He’s a sweetie for sure. And his purr was pretty impressive! Such a beautiful creature and very gentle. I need to find a way to get him to the wild life refuge where he can be taken care of. They have agreed to take him.
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You have a kind heart, my friend. Thank you for sharing this 
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