Day 25 and my higher power is working overtime. I got an opportunity for a state job through a guy i met in NA so in 2 weeks i will be working for the county highway district the pay is slightly less but it has state benefits. I am feeling so blessed to get this chance as a 2 time felon and a addict. I do wonder though how long i should be sober before getting a sponsor?
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Thanks so much Jasmine! Thinkinf of you and hope you had a good day 
xo.
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Just off to bed. So happy to have been back at work this week after my son being sick. I have always noticed many people with small children have help of family and grandparents, and this has just not been our experience. Im not upset about it (though it sounds lovely!) just an observation. I have always had to have a job where I could take that time if I needed to; becayse its just us.
Sleepy and off to bed. Busy day at work. Theres a little guy who has big behaviours, and I simply adore him but oh my goodness. His mom is away so hes acting out and I can see what a challenge he is for the staff and other children. Cant wait to get back in there next week to support the room Off for a much needed girls weekend with my best friend. Since Ive moved we started doing them, and I wish I had gotten into them sooner becayse they are seriously so good for the heart and soul. Moms NEED space sometimes, but we dont always even know that becayse the reality is there is no space and for ne too I also would deny myself that space or feel unable to make it in the past because I just didnt even know how. Moms need to breath, we need room, we need to be people outside of also being moms. Im excited to see my besty and have time to just be, and then Im always anxious on the drive home to get back ro my babies! Looking forward to it & hoping hubby has a good weekend with the kids. xo everyone. So grateful for today being sober, and so grateful that I can still see the beauty all around me. Xo.
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My thoughts are with you as you grieve your loss. I also lost ny daughter and those early months are so terribly difficult. I am thinking of you and if you ever would like an ear, I am sure you have plenty of people around but it was helpful to me on the rare moments that I crossed paths with someone who knew what it waas to grieve the loss of a child. Sending you comfort, strength and whatever else it is you need durinf this time. Xo.
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Day 5 went well
Done with work 
have to be up early tomorrow 
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428
Felt much livelier todayāØļøGood day at work. Not much else to speak of. Hope you all have a good 24!
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Urge is back 
my mom just came up to me and randomly started talking about a new delusion she has. Asked me if i started a restaurant for no f*ing reason. When i said what are you talking about her response was āoh i thought you started a restaurantā and just walks away casually.
Like. Hello??? Just why. Where in gods name did you even come up with that idea, and what makes you believe that thats something i ACTUALLY did. ??? Pisses me off so much how far gone she is. And how randomly it can come up. And how fucking hopeless it is. Just makes me want to drink in response to it, to try to ignore it/block it out.
Now im just frustrated. Gonna take a shower i guess.
Waiting for my daily sober podcast to unlock. You have to wait because its one per day. Unlocks in a few minutes. Frustrating but ill at least wait and listen to the podcast as soon as i can.
Update: shower helped
But I was able to talk myself out of it before i even got in the shower
Was thinking about some of the podcasts ive been listening to. Told myself āyou dont actually WANT to drink, you just think you doā
Realized that drinking is what my emotional brain wants, and decided to listen to what my logical/thinking brain had to say.
One of the podcasts was talking about how your brain develops habits based on repetitive patterns. Like in the foraging days, if we were looking for a raspberry bush, we would be excited when we found one, and we would subconsciously take data of everything leading up to us finding the bush (like the kind of area it was in, if it was a shady area, what other plants were around etc). Then we would get better at finding raspberry bushes without thinking about it, when in reality its because our brain subconsciously would notice when we found those certain areas, and then weād find another raspberry bush.
So weāve taught ourselves the same thing, but with alcohol.
Like, Iām in āXā situation (stressed out, pissed off, depressed, whatever it is), and in the past, every time Iām in that situation, it results in alcohol. So that must be whats coming, that has to be what happens next."
Just being aware of that, observing it, and looking at it from a logical standpoint helped remind me that i dont actually want it, my brain is just expecting it right now.
Told myself i would be way more proud of myself for not drinking than I would if I drank. Its way mkre worth it not to drink. Plus I have to be up early. I woukd rather heal my body than continue to destroy it.
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Hey @JazzyS
I have talked with my doctor and changed my meds back to the ones i used to be on. Also on a prescription for a drug to help quit drinking and cravings. I drink non alcoholic beer at times to help me. I appreciate the welcoming as well. 
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Thank you, hope your doctor appointment goes well 
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Day 6. I am feeling better. Have a nice sober day 
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Iām here, Iām alive, Iām sober and Iām happy.
Day 52
This nighs have been frozen here this week. Today we also woke up to a cold and frozen, but sunny landscape.
Had a few moments with snow yesterday, luckily it didnāt stay on the ground.
Hoping it wonāt be snow today.
Itās Friday so after picking up the kids from school weāre going to the city for some grocery shopping. Weāll try to do that once a week, instead of one big haul once a month like weāve used to. The local stores have raised their prices so much so itās barley worth buying anything there at the moment.
Maybe Iāll get the time to look for some new clothes as well. Gotta keep the fashion posts updated (And Iām currently to fluffy for my old tight palazzo pants) 
Wishing yāall a great day.
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1777
Rain followed by wind and showers. But no snow Sophia
. Well. Meeting my therapist this morning so I have to go out anyway. Which is good. Yesterday was good as well, the sink got thoroughly unclogged, my bike got serviced, writing class was really fun.Half way through the course Iām thinking I need more of this sort of things to do. Both the intellectual challenge and the human contact and interaction really makes me feel much better. I need connection, also outside of my work and my sober friends. Itās a balance. I feel I need to work on it. I will. Sober and clean.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober because without that nothing will work. Love. Pic is proof that there was sun yesterday.
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@MrsOdh Very much looking to new fashion post updates 
Enjoy your trip.
@Joyce19 Glad to hear youāre feeling better. I hope you got some much needed rest after yesterdayās work day. And good to see those sober days stacking up
That is a great thought there! Iām really sorry youāre in such a difficult family situation. That is tough. And Iām sending you all the strength you need to start strong 
But you are a smart person to realise that your drinking as a form of coping is a learned pattern. And you and your brain can learn new patterns. Thatās what youāre doing in sobriety. Thatās what you did with the shower. You started a new pattern. So an interesting question may be: What other things could you do to react to your stress situations?
@CHASE.E.U I donāt have any advise on the sponsor but congrats on the new job coming your way in sobriety
@Shel75 Wishing you a good nightās sleep and a much needed vacation soon.
@Tomato Hope your aches and pains improve soon. Do you have some alternative plans for the weekend you might be looking forward to? New life, new patterns
@Davina_Davis Hang in on girl
@CleanHeart I hope you can find some peace from your urges and thoughts soon 
@james83 Good job on staying away from tempting situations and having a plan for your trip. Organising an abstinent life sometimes is a lot of work 
@Twizzlers Congrats on a whole month! Nice to see all the hard work you did showing such a good effect. 
149 sugar
13 UPF
20 gluten
ā dairy
?? overeating/binge
My asthma has gotten far better but now I think Iāve developed an infection, coughing, sore throat, headache. Have to see how this will develop. Next year Iāll start taking my allergy meds earlier. Thatās for sure.
Today I want to move on with streamlining my development process. Although I donāt feel like Iāve had much time this week for my work nonetheless I made good progress.
I want also to investigate the āmissingā satiety signals from the last two days. Iām going to test dairy as I suspect it to be the culprit.
I have a game night planned with friends and already booked a car but Iāll have to see about these infection symptoms. Iād very much like to go. But there is no sense in going sick.
Other then that an easy day. My daughter is going to be at my motherās over night and then with my husband till Sunday. Iāll have the while Saturday just to myself.
Whatever life will bring I will not try to deal with it by trying to control my experiences with food, compulsive eating or other misguided behaviours. Not today.
Have a good day of peace, kindness, and freedom friends 
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139 days
Relaxed day at home. Canāt even remember the last time I spent a whole day at home without anything to do, probably during covidā:joy:
Wife had the day off, and kids are on term break from school so we just chilled, played some games with the kids, rode bikes in the driveway and watched a movie.
The wife did take the eldest off to the gym in the evening, gave me a break from going she reckons .
Got my team playing in an hour so Iāll be watching that on TV to round out the day.
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2081 days Alcohol free 87 days weed free
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113 days of Soberness, and also owning and being a slave to Blue and Bear 
Tired but ok. Need to get out of my head for a bitā¦ Itās getting stuffy in there.
Looking forward to a peaceful weekendā¦ Most likely one in which Barcelona will absolutely trounce my team tomorrow in the Champions Leagueā¦
Iām expecting it, which makes it easier . Will focus on the joy that is watching Bonmati play instead 
Happy 24 all. Thereās only one you. 
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20 days sober today I feel really good and my life is improving in many ways since I stopped drinking. Hope you all have a good day today
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Day 300 
off for four days now
Will go for a dog walk and relax today. Do some jobs tomoro, visit my wifeās parentsā¦ And then Sunday just chill. Maybe go the beach if the weather picks up.
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Day 36. Really tired today for no apparent reason but made it to the gym anyway. Might have an ice cream after dinner tonight to congratulate myself 
Son has a minor but not risk free operation coming up and has an overnight consultation tonight. The stress of that would normally have me turning to drink to numb it but I will not be doing that. Instead Iāll be giving the best version of myself to him to reassure him that itāll all be fine.
Little wins every day rewiring my brain
I hope everyone enjoys the day ahead
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Day 105 AF,
5:30am and place is quiet. All still asleep. Time to try and find some coffee out there in the world in this small town.
Wife and dads roomie, Kim the two gals helping me on this project were pretty sore last night, Kim is 67 and just had hernia surgery 2.5 months ago so trying to ensure I make her take it easy, but sheās excited for a proper deck as she says.
These two really appreciate the work being done, ( dad and Kim) so it feels good to be here!
Today will be long to get it all buttoned up so it is ready for them. Still need to get back to lumber yard to grab all the deck boards, and lumber for railingā¦ trying to let everyone sleep in a bit but this guy has to get moving.
Enjoy your day TS peeps
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