Good morning everyone! Checking in on day 140. It’s been a couple weeks, I hope all is well with everyone! Sorry for my disappearing, there were some posts and people I feel are very toxic without the best intentions of recent and I needed to step away. It’s been busy, getting more work done on the house, had an addition added last week so I’ve had my hands full, construction is almost done and then comes the fun part, shopping to fill the new space. I hope everyone has the most amazing day!
and 
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Good to see you Ami, and I hear ya.
Exciting stuff with Reno work and decorating. Enjoy the process.
Have a great day friend!! 
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1374
TW for death, suicide and general morbidity
On the way home from work my train was delayed for the second time this month because of a “collision between a train and person” in other words a suicide. Sadly common in April when people start new jobs or school grades and realise they just can’t do it. On the train I got a FB message that a fourth person from my year at school has died. It was a small school, so probably only 70 or 80 people in the whole year. I don’t know the statistics but that feels like a lot. It gets you thinking, doesn’t it? How short and vulnerable life is. And what a waste it is to be drifting along like I am, resentful and scared all the time. Should I try to make changes to feel more satisfied with my life? Or should I look more carefully at what I have and be grateful? I’m scared that I don’t know what the correct answer is, and probably that there isn’t a “correct” answer, which is even scarier. It is a tough thing to think about. I’m sure plenty of you ponder it too.
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Thank you my friend! It’s so good to catch up on this thread as I have been reading through it this morning, a huge congrats to you on racking up those days, cracking triple digits! 
so so proud of you!! And thank you again for reaching out to check on me while I was away, I truly appreciate you!
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My condolences on your classmate.
Flo, I think you should live the best life you can. And go easy on yourself. Life is short, much too short not to just be
You just be the best you are capable of today, and that is enough.
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Coincedently this came up in my talk with my therapist this morning. I feel what it comes down to is to think about what makes us happy. And what doesn’t. She asked, when you turn 80 and look back to the last 22 years (I’m 58 now), how will you feel about those last 22 years? And why? And what are you going to do about it? These are valid questions. In my opinion this goes beyond feeling gratitude. Or satisfaction for that matter. We need happiness too, maybe the most of all. In a healthy constructive connective sort of way. X
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It depends on how long it takes you to meet someone whose recovery you like the look of. I know one person whose waited a year, I know one man who has successfully remained sober for 7 years without one.
It took me about a month of being in meetings and talking in general/asking advice/listening to sharebacks from my sponsor before I approached him and asked him to help me through the steps. A sponsor is ultimately, someone who you can talk to, someone you can trust, someone who has a good message and someone whose recovery you feel you want yours to look like.
There’s usually a show of hands at some meetings for people willing to sponsor 
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Can it be someone i have become friends with? There is a great group of guy i have met and i was going to ask one to be my sponsor but then we kind of became friemds and now he is my boss. I dont know if him being my sponsor now would be to much involvement or not
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Day 49
Morning.
I slept last night! Almost the whole night, yeah. Today I’m happy. I can’t go without sleep again, no. Either way, I won’t drink.
Town is overrun for a music festival but the weather is poor. I’ll stay in my area far away from the drunks and mud and do some hiking if possible. Looking forward to taking some trips soon. Much to do right here. Plus get more sober time.
What will I cook today? It’s gloomy.
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Day 21 is upon me and I feel a lot better than yesterday.
Mostly because I’m finally able to plan for therapy.
Thinking about DBT since my impulse congrol is pretty mid. If not worse.
Alcohol makes in non-existent.
I hope everybody has a good day
Keep it slow ODAAT.
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Anyone else, feel free to jump in - My 2 cents would be no because you may already have some resentments built up towards him being a friend and a boss as well.
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Day #25 away from my DOC
Day #6 sober from everything else
Still getting that craving for my DOC in the middle of the night, but the cravings are hopefully getting weaker I feel like. They at least aren’t getting worse for sure. Heading to the downtown office for some coworker event. I’ll make sure not to drink during it. My plan is to basically just order mocktails and soda, I’ve been really drilling this into my head 
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Woot! Finally Friday! Day 207af. Hope everyone has a happy, relaxing weekend! 
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Helllooo, checking in on Day 19 AF. Wondering whether to go for a swim. Think I will. Sorry my life is so boring to relate but is probably what I need right now. Back to work on Monday, been off since alcohol and I parted company. I’ve missed the office politics and the banter like you do. Wondering how much longer I’ll work though (part-time), seems like only 5 minutes ago I was the youngest in the office and now probably the oldest. Oh dear! Drink was always my after-work reward. (Well that was one of the many excuses I made obviously… celebrate, drink! Feeling c–p, drink!, etc., etc., etc.)
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Hey all, checking in on day 1405. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Am feeling a bit better today but still mostly laying around not feeling the best. I had the worst nightmares last night and they have me on edge. If I had more energy I’d be tempted to drink. How do you deal with nightmares? I used to get them all the time and it was one of the things that would push me to drink at night. Now they are starting again and I’m afraid they will keep getting worse. I always get nervous about having them because I usually sleep walk when they are happening. Anyways…in a few hours I’ll go to bed and all I can think about is maybe I’ll dream. I feel like I need to prepare myself for how to cope when they get bad so I can keep sober. But I’m not sure where to start with that.
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102 days. Really struggling. Most of it money related. Hard to find decent paying work, but I remain diligent in my search. Selling off what possessions I can to keep from complete ruin. I started therapy to deal with anxiety and depression. They use CBT and mindfulness techniques. Encouraging. Getting to meetings when I can, looking for a homegroup and sponsor. I’m getting too old for this shit. Still doing it ODAAT. I need a hug and some decent fellowship. Can’t seem to find either. Trying to remain in the present and to be positive.
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I can only give you a virtual one Mike. Hang in there. Good on you for doing therapy. And good to see you here. You’re not alone friend. 
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32 days and Ive had a couple of thoughts. The first was when my wife said she felt like going to the sports bar to just enjoy the vibe and relax She’s pregnant so can’t drink either. We settled on Grill’d, an Australian burger restaurant. I saw the beers and ciders behind the counter and had a surprisingly strong desire to order one. It was a very low desire but stronger than I expected. Kept me on my toes and a good reminder to stay in touch on here.
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